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I met someone in September 2011 and we became really close and have been seeing each other since then, not in a committed relationship though. He is about to turn 21 and I am about to turn 22. He is only the second guy I have ever slept with. He is the only person I have kissed or been close to at all in 2012. He’s always said things like, “You’re too good for me. I don’t deserve you. I’m really fuc*ed up, if you knew what I’ve seen and done you wouldn’t want anything to do with me. I can’t make you as happy as you deserve.” and since we’ve met, about 5 times randomly throughout the year+ he has dropped communication with me and says it’s for the best and that I will be better to find someone new, but every time this has happened I’ve never moved on and he’s been the only person I thought about or saw in that way. When he has stopped talking to me it always lasts around 2 weeks and then he will text me again and say he missed me too much not to talk to me. When we are together he treats me like I really matter to him, he always asks for hugs, he always kisses my forehead and cheeks and compliments me, he always tells me he really likes me and just gets scared of how much he feels for me. We have never once had an argument or fight, he has never judged me or been rude to me and I have never judged him or been rude to him. I’ve never been angry at him and have always been calm and understanding and mature. I saw him on Sunday, around midnight he came over and we hadn’t spent time together in around a month, and he really opened up to me and told me about his past pill addiction and how he had overdosed twice. He told me, “I’m not happy with my life.” and I started crying because hearing him say that broke my heart because all I want more than anything is for him to be happy and when we are together he is always smiling and happier than he is when I see him in public when we aren’t together, he’s so withdrawn and distant and completely opposite when we’re together. I told him about how one of his friends had been saying to me, “Stop talking to him, just talk to me and hang out with me, he’s always got drunk girls around and talks about nailing them and when his ex is in town they’re always with each other like they’re still together.” And after I told him this he got very distant and pulled away and sat with his head in his hands and said that wasn’t true and that his ex had called him 6 times that very day and he had ignored them all. I know he deals with a lot of emotional issues and I have always been very patient with him and open about how I feel for him. He knows I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone, even my ex who I dated for 3 years I never felt this much for. He told me Sunday, “When I stop talking to you it’s not because I don’t like you, it’s because of how much I DO like you.” and “I’m a bad person, I shouldn’t be loved, there’s nothing to love about me.” and when I told him his past didn’t matter, that nothing would change how I felt about him, that it was entirely unconditional he got even more upset and said it wasn’t his past. And that he had to leave. He repeated he had to leave over and over and got up and left and I ran out to his truck before he drove off and he hugged me so tight. That was around 6 am. He spent from midnight to six with me, and then around 1 pm he texted me saying, “We can’t talk anymore. You can’t love me and I can’t love you. You will be better to forget everything and anything that happened between us. With time you will be better and happier.” When he texted me that what I said back was, “No. I won’t forget you. I’m always going to be here if you need me. I’m that person in your life that will always be there when you need someone.” I hate the thought he is permanently out of my life because I don’t want that at all and I know I made him better, it was always as if I were an escape from his normal day to day life, it was so apparent how much more relaxed and happy he got when we were together. He’s a very quiet person but would always open up to me and tell me things that he didn’t tell others normally. In the past when he has dropped communication it was him saying things like, “You need to forget about me. You need to move on. Your life will be better once you forget me and find someone new.” But this time he said “We can’t talk anymore.” outright and I’m really devastated. Since he has always talked to me again in the year+ we’ve been close do you think this time is any different with his word choice? Do you think he will find his way back to me yet again? I’ve never missed someone as much as I miss him.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]Since he has always talked to me again in the year+ we’ve been close do you think this time is any different with his word choice? Do you think he will find his way back to me yet again?[/quote]

I think he will come back to you. I think he has addiction issues, and addicts always find people who will take them in — and you are one of those people he uses to get his emotional needs met. 😕

The real question is why you’re interested in someone who doesn’t treat you well. Your relationship with him is more like a mother and a child. This isn’t someone who treats you with respect or indicates that he wants a mature relationship with you — yet you stay. My advice is you find someone who does. Staying with him and telling him that your love for him is unconditional, isn’t a normal reaction in a romantic relationship such as yours. 😳

But if all you’re looking for is an answer to the question, will he talk to me again?, the answer is yes. He will.

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