[pharrigan210]

A single woman (divorced) texts a married male – a friend/a coworker – while he’s on vacation with his wife and kids.it wasn’t a pressing matter. just a funny story of something he missed at work. it could have waited until he returned. they chat throughout the week. but it was very clearly initiated by the woman. what’s going on, from the woman’s perspective?
To her, is it an innocent convo between friends
or
Was it a calculated move? designed to see if she could get him to converse with her while with his wife? and if so, is it an ego boost for her, that she drew him in to a convo, while he was with his wife? is this a sign of interest from the woman?

[Ask April Masini]

I’m going to guess that you are the wife and your husband is the one who is texting a co-worker during his family vacation. Your questions have to do with the motivation of the co-worker. They really should be about your husband. It’s always an instinct for women to attack the other woman, but it’s a mistake. The real problem is between you and your husband. This other woman is just a symptom. I know that’s probably hard to hear because you want to lash out, but it’s a mistake to contact, engage or spend much time thinking about this other woman. You need to focus on your marriage.

Figure out why your husband isn’t more interested in his family or his marriage. Are there any things YOU can do differently to interest him in the marriage? Shift your focus and see if things don’t get back on track that way. 😉

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[pharrigan210]

I gave you the wrong impression. Sorry! I’m the husband. I was on vacation with my wife and kids. A female co-worker emailed me while i was on vacation and we kept conversing all week. If i thought she was just being friendly, i would have thought nothing of it. but we are very friendly. and on several occassions i thought an affiar was close to happening. but it never occured. she actually rarely initiated convos with me, but is always friendly and flirty when i initated convo. but then she initated a convo in a BIG WAY, i think – while i was on vacation. i dont see her all the time at work. happened to run into her two days before my vaca and told her about it. then tuesday – WHAM – she emails me. wondering if she was just being friendly. or it was calculated on her part and all the other questions i asked in my inital post. THANKS

[Candiqueen]

Need some good advice. Don’t worry about what this womens intentions are. Pay attention to your wife and kids. If you really want to know though, she likes the attention you give her but isn’t overly interested in YOU. If you enjoy flirting and are wanting other women you owe it to your wife and mother of your children and tell her. That, or man up and be repectful to your family. If your wife and you aren’t working talk about it and take it from. Cheating and affairs never turn out well.

[Ask April Masini]

[b]candiqueen[/b] gave you some good advice. My question to you echoes her advice: Why are you so interested in this other woman’s motivation? Instead of focusing on her, focus on yourself and your intentions. 😉

I hope that helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[PassionSeeker]

You already know what this is it’s not really about her; it’s about you. If she were just a coworker, the email wouldn’t have lingered in your mind long enough to bring here. But it did, because something about her message and your response crossed from friendly into charged.

From her side? It could be innocent… but it probably wasn’t completely so. Reaching out while you’re on vacation with your wife and kids isn’t just bad timing it’s testing a boundary. She likely wanted to see if you’d respond, if she still had a little pull. It’s not necessarily a grand, calculated seduction, but it is an ego move. A small “let’s see if he’ll bite.”

From your side, though, the real question is why it mattered enough to you to analyze her motives. If your marriage felt whole, this wouldn’t tempt or confuse you. So don’t focus on decoding her. Focus on what her text exposed a small crack that needs your attention at home.

[Ethan Morales]

She redirects the focus from the “other woman” to the marriage. This is key. When someone texts your husband during a family trip, it’s easy to fixate on her. But your marriage’s vulnerability doesn’t come from her existence it comes from the crack in your husband’s boundaries. April’s reminding you that this dynamic only works because he allows it.

You can’t control her curiosity, flirtation, or motives but you can explore why he’s open to it. She points toward the deeper issue: disconnection within the marriage. Whether it’s emotional boredom, lack of attention, or routine fatigue, the question isn’t “Why did she text?” It’s “Why did he respond?” If his emotional needs aren’t being met (or he’s not showing up to meet yours), these tiny outside interactions can feel like oxygen to him.

She warns against “contacting or confronting” the other woman. That’s wise. It rarely goes well. It validates the woman’s power and diverts energy away from where it can actually make change within your relationship.

Where her answer feels a bit too clinical. April’s advice assumes the wife has full control over the “repair work.” That’s not always fair. You can absolutely reflect on your part but this isn’t a one-way street. If your husband is engaging with another woman during family vacation time, that’s a deliberate boundary breach. That’s not just about a bored marriage that’s about disrespect.

So, yes, look inward, but also: Hold him accountable. Emotional availability to someone else while married is not “innocent,” especially when it’s persistent.

Don’t minimize the woman’s intent. Some women do test married men not always for romance, sometimes for validation. It can be an ego boost to feel “chosen” even when he’s unavailable. That doesn’t make her evil, but it does make her behavior inappropriate.

There are three possible motives for the woman texting: Truly friendly / naive She genuinely sees him as a platonic colleague or friend and doesn’t realize how it might look. Subconsciously testing boundaries She knows he’s married, but she’s emotionally lonely or curious. She’s not looking to steal him, just to feel noticed or significant.

Calculated, She’s aware of the timing (family trip) and wants to feel powerful by “getting” his attention while he’s supposed to be devoted elsewhere. That’s ego, not affection. The fact that it wasn’t work-related and it continued throughout the week leans toward #2 or #3.

April’s wisdom points to this truth: if your husband’s boundaries were solid, her motive wouldn’t matter.
The text would’ve died at “Haha, funny story talk when I’m back.” But the fact that he engaged? That’s your data. Your next step isn’t to obsess over her it’s to assess his respect, your connection, and your emotional safety.

[Marcus king]

From what you described, it’s hard to say with absolute certainty, but we can break down the most likely perspectives.

From her perspective:

It could be innocent. She might just see him as a friend and genuinely wants to share something funny from work. Some people are casual about texting friends even when they’re married, especially if the topic is lighthearted.

It could be a subtle ego boost or testing the waters. Since she initiated contact while he’s on vacation with his family, there is a chance she enjoys that she can capture his attention even when he’s “off limits.” People sometimes enjoy small validation from someone they’re attracted to, even subconsciously.

It might indicate interest. Repeated initiation of contact, especially during a time when he’s focused on family, can sometimes suggest she’s curious about him beyond friendship. But it doesn’t automatically mean she’s planning anything; it could just be flirtatious behavior or habit.

Key indicators to watch for:

Is she consistent in initiating conversations, or was this a one-off?

Does she steer the conversation toward personal topics, emotions, or compliments, rather than just funny stories?

Does she express curiosity about his feelings or life outside work in a subtle way?

Summary: Most likely, it’s either casual friendly texting or a mild ego boost, with a possible hint of interest. It’s not necessarily a calculated move to “seduce” him, but it can indicate that she enjoys his attention and the connection.

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