[Patty]

Hi, sorry I don’t know really how to explain this well. but here goes nothing…

My bf and I have been going out for almost 3 years. Everything has been good, I applied for school and he wanted to be closer to his family ( its about 2 hours difference from them both) We didn’t make it happen like this either. I really liked the school there, and he always wanted to move back. But now he thinks cause i will move there and i don’t know anyone there that it is a bigger commitment. That we will have to see each other more then we do now ( about 1-2 times a week) I told him I would be in school full time and working part time so it couldn’t be much more, but now he thinks he is making me move there for him. I don’t know how to change his mind of that.

And also he wants to take a break for 2 weeks cause he feels like we have been fighting more now (even tho i don’t think so) so i agreed, but before we started this he kept bringing up last time we broke up (it was for a day) that I told him i wouldn’t get back together with him if he did that to me again. It really did hurt me last time and I don’t think I can go thru that again. He said he needs to focus on his life and making himself happy, not of those around him. So that made me think that I wasn’t making him happy.. But he says that I do make him happy and how he would still want to be my friend if we broke up.

I understand the part about him making himself happy, and taking care of his family. But I don’t want him to break up with me. I’ve never been good at having my ex’s as a friend and I don’t know what to do. He even asked me that if we broke up and we were both moved out to the same area if we would try again. I take breakups really bad and I am one of those people who don’t really give another chance.

Its been 5 days so far we have been on this ‘break’ and i keep going over the last conversation in my head. I keep getting worried. He said this probably wont happen, but I am easily paranoid. And the worst part is.. I can see a future with him. A real one. And we have even talked about it. He even flew his mother out to meet me.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t know how old you both are (it always helps when readers post their ages), but it sounds like he’s feeling caged in and is wanting out. I know that [i]you[/i] can see a future with [i]him[/i], but he’s not on the same page you are in this relationship.

It sounds like you’re trying to talk yourself into his wanting the same thing you do at the same time, but you’re making yourself crazy by doing so. 🙁 He wants a break and he wants to take care of himself. Listen to him and pay attention to his behavior. He’s not ready for a commitment after three years of dating, so I think it’s time for you to take yourself seriously — he’s not. Those discrepancies like his flying his mother out to meet you or his being with you for three years don’t make up for the bigger facts that he doesn’t want you to move to his family’s neighborhood with him.

I’m sorry, but I think you need to smell the coffee and start looking elsewhere for Mr. Right. Your worry is your very good instincts trying to tell you that this isn’t working.

I hope that helps. Let me know how it goes. And please join me on Facebook! Here’s that link: [url][/url]. 🙂

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