[lylez]

I’m writing this in response to the recent article “Dating Secret Exposed: Why Nice Guys Finish Last”.

You know, this is about the billionth article about this that I’ve read. Any woman dumb enough to not realize that a guy who acts this way is just trying to apply the stupid stuff he’s read on the internet, is so dumb I wouldn’t want her anyway.

Women are always complaining about how horrible men are, yet they prefer jerks. Then they wonder why they aren’t promoted to positions of leadership and authority in the corporate world, and why nobody wants to vote to a women to represent them.

Every time I read one of these articles, my respect for woman goes down another 10%, and this has happened dozens of times. I guess eventually I’ll turn into a womanizing jerk who treats women like sperm toilets, and then they’ll think I

[kai]

I just read this article today after reading your post, and it really answered a LOT of questions for me. my experience is that it’s true. you really can’t show a girl how much you like her too soon or she will take advantage of you and put you in the ‘friends” category. i can’t tell you how many times it’s happened to me.

[WJWJ]

I loved the article about how nice guys finish last. It describes my girlfriend and I perfectly. The question is, at what point should a man become the “good guy” and open his heart and give everything he has? For example, when I first met my girlfriend of almost 3 years now, I was that cocky, confident guy — she always wanted to see me and spend time with me — there was nothing I could do wrong. Throughout the course of our relationship I have become the always available man described in this article. As such, our relationship, namely her desire to be with me, talk to me, and spend time together, has faded greatly although she says she loves me so much. What should I do? Should I become cocky and unavailable to spark her interests and desire again? I mean, at what point during a relationship do you lose that ego and pour your heart out unconditionally? Or are you not supposed to ever do that? My heart aches for her to be that “old” girlfriend when we first started to date. This is the woman I want to marry someday but I’m so confused. Of course there are many details that go into this relationship which I will save until I can speak to April. I need to know if this relationship has hope or should I leave it now and find a better match. About me: I’m 29, in medical school, and there isn’t a woman I run into that doesn’t compliment me on my looks regardless of her age. Please help.

[lylez]

[quote=”WJWJ”]I loved the article about how nice guys finish last. It describes my girlfriend and I perfectly. The question is, at what point should a man become the “good guy” and open his heart and give everything he has? For example, when I first met my girlfriend of almost 3 years now, I was that cocky, confident guy — she always wanted to see me and spend time with me — there was nothing I could do wrong. Throughout the course of our relationship I have become the always available man described in this article. As such, our relationship, namely her desire to be with me, talk to me, and spend time together, has faded greatly although she says she loves me so much. What should I do? Should I become cocky and unavailable to spark her interests and desire again? I mean, at what point during a relationship do you lose that ego and pour your heart out unconditionally? Or are you not supposed to ever do that? My heart aches for her to be that “old” girlfriend when we first started to date. This is the woman I want to marry someday but I’m so confused. Of course there are many details that go into this relationship which I will save until I can speak to April. I need to know if this relationship has hope or should I leave it now and find a better match. About me: I’m 29, in medical school, and there isn’t a woman I run into that doesn’t compliment me on my looks regardless of her age. Please help.[/quote]

Dump her! If you’re in medical school, 29, and good lucking, take advantage of this great opportunity and enjoy it. If she’s dumb enough to only want what she can’t have, you can do way better. Just imagine her 10 years, 30 pounds and 50% from now (as in, across the table from you in divorce court).

[skyler]

I’ve got a bone to pick with you about your article that talks bout why nice guys finish last.

To put it shortly it enraged me. so you’re telling me the reason that I’m now in my senior year and never taken girl on date let alone kiss one is because Im TOO nice?!?! So a girl says no to the guy who would make her feel like royalty for the punk ass who probably is failing High school who could care less about them except for their body?!

So for me to get a girl I need to do bad in school, ride a motorcycle, and treat girls like utter dirt. Yeah, tht’s REAL good advice there….

What’s wrong with this effing world?!?! i thought this was just happening to be but it’s every where. the girls are turning down their dream guys for some asshole who will cheat on them or talk them into unwanted sex, or do something worse to them, and when it’s over, who are they going to run to for comfort? The nice guy, and even after he’s there for her she’ll dump him and go back to the jerk. they’ll still won’t learn a damn thing!

This world is full of shit…..

So in other words there’s no love for us nice guys huh?

– angry nice guy

[jgullet]

Regarding your article on why nice guys can’t get the girl, you are partially right. You are only considering American girls. I am no more than a 7-8 on the scale and am in my late 50’s (doesn’t hurt that I look 40..good genes), yet I date from 25 to 50 year olds.

I have dated 9’s and 10’s. Got them being nice and being a jerk. One thing I found is….most [u]American[/u] women are boring. They have become so self indulged, they care only about themselves and what they can get. By my own choice, the relationships lasted less than 3 dates.

It’s been my experience that it’s true [u]American[/u] women generally don’t fall head over heels for nice guys, preferring the guy who could care less about them.

Now consider foreign women, especially ones from Asia, and Eastern block nations. All fabulously beautiful, fun, giving, interesting and just a better overall experience. They want you first and then will please themselves. Oh….my…..god !!!!!!

I suggest you research it and write a follow up for your audience.

[Nicole]

I just read this article and thought it funny because it has been my experience that the “Cocky Guy” thing goes both ways.

I’m what my guy and girl friends call a “nice bitch”. I am not afraid to tell a man what I think right from the get-go. I am attractive, (look 26 but I’m 38), and get hit on everywhere by every man 19-55 years old…the grocery store, the pool, blockbuster, the gas station, picking up my laundry or just hanging out with friends. When I meet a man the first thing I let him know is that I’m not looking for a man. I’m a single mom, with two boys and they are my focus. Everything else is secondary. I don’t have the time to “feed a man’s ego” by telling them how great they are or do whatever I need to do to get their attention. I’m blunt and honest and it just kills me that these traits of mine “attract” men more than anything! I think it is just like you said for men, I project confidence and I don’t appear needy. If a guy calls me great, if he doesn’t, no biggy…I’ll meet another guy. I am confident yes, but most importantly, I’m happy with my life, which doesn’t include a man!

I don’t meet many men like me….they are ALL NICE GUYS! They all want to give me money, buy me things, take me out and spoil me. But unfortunately for them, none of that does anything for me. I have my OWN money, I buy my OWN things, I SPOIL MYSELF! The guys that I am attracted to are the ones that respect my space, understand they will never be the most important thing in my life (because my kids are….although the man would be treated well), and the ones that don’t hoover around all the time waiting for a minute of my time. Plus, I don’t NEED a man, and I think that is where many women fall short….chasing after a guy makes one look desperate and weak….just like the Nice Guys in your article.

I liked your article alot, but PLEASE do one on women like ME! We are out there….fun, happy, satisfied gals with no need to have a man up under them all the time. Because honestly, I have two kids…I’m not looking for a third person to take care of! If more women were like me, I believe they’ld be too busy living their lives instead of waiting on someone to validate them.

Thank you for letting me contribute my opinion. I’m glad I found April! She’s right on the money!!!

Sincerely,

Nicole Altamirano

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you.

[Ethan Morales]

It sounds like you’re feeling really frustrated and even a bit resentful right now, and that’s understandable dating can be confusing, exhausting, and even demoralizing at times. But the way this frustration is being expressed here is also hurting you, not just your view of women. Let’s break this down a little:

“Nice guys finish last” isn’t absolute. There’s a lot of hype and clickbait around this idea. Being kind, respectful, and emotionally intelligent is not a weakness it’s just that some people misunderstand how to balance confidence, boundaries, and attraction. The problem isn’t being “nice”; it’s expecting that niceness alone guarantees romantic interest.

Frustration doesn’t justify bitterness. Feeling annoyed that people don’t respond the way you want is normal, but generalizing it to all women (“every woman dumb enough…”) will only reinforce negativity in your own life and push potential connections away.

Attraction is complex. People are drawn to confidence, humor, emotional awareness, shared values, and yes sometimes the unpredictable energy of someone who challenges them. That doesn’t mean you have to be a jerk it just means that there’s more to attraction than being “nice” or following advice from articles.

Channeling the energy constructively. Instead of letting resentment build, it helps to focus on self-growth, exploring what you truly want in a partner, and practicing social and dating skills in a way that feels authentic to you.

If you want, I can give you a practical plan to increase your dating success while staying genuine, so you don’t feel trapped in this “nice guy” frustration cycle. It’s totally doable without turning into someone you don’t want to be.

[PassionSeeker]

You’re angry, and I understand. You’ve tried to be kind, respectful, and patient, yet it feels like none of that has brought you what you hoped for. Each rejection chips away at your faith, and it’s easy to start believing that being good only leads to being ignored.

But the real issue isn’t women it’s how that disappointment has hardened into resentment. Kindness isn’t the problem. Expecting love in return for it is. When your goodness becomes a way to earn affection, it stops feeling real.

You don’t need to act like a jerk to be wanted. What draws people in is quiet confidence the kind that doesn’t beg to be noticed. When you respect yourself, when you stop trying to prove your worth, you naturally become more magnetic.

Don’t let pain turn you bitter. Let it refine you. Stay kind, but set boundaries. Stay open, but self-assured. The right person won’t punish you for being good they’ll rise to meet you there.

[Marcus king]

Alright here’s the real talk.

You’re not actually mad at “women.”
You’re mad that you feel overlooked. And instead of sitting with that, you turned it into a philosophy about why women are inferior or irrational. That’s just pain wearing armor.

The whole “nice guys finish last” thing?
That’s not about kindness it’s about passivity.

Women don’t choose jerks.
They choose men who have a backbone.
Confidence. Boundaries. A sense of self.

A lot of guys who call themselves “nice” are really just afraid to show what they want, so they over-give, over-explain, and hope to be chosen. That’s not nice that’s needy. Big difference.

And the part where you say you’ll eventually turn into a jerk who uses women?
No you won’t.
You don’t actually want that you just want to stop feeling powerless.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

wow. okay, rage much? 😏 babe, you sound less like a nice guy and more like a dude mad the world didn’t clap for his bare minimum. women don’t owe you a prize for not being awful. and that “sperm toilet” line? yikes. you didn’t lose respect for women, you just got rejected and built a manifesto. maybe stop blaming feminism for your dry spell and work on your energy. confidence is sexy. bitterness? not so much. 🙄💅🏼

[Tara]

Here’s the reality you refuse to face – women don’t owe you attraction because you’re polite, sober, or hardworking. That’s called being a functioning adult, not a selling point. If you’ve been single for seven years, it’s not because women are broken it’s because your attitude stinks. No one wants to date a man who talks like he’s delivering a lecture about how awful women are.

And your “girls these days” rant? Tired. You sound like an angry teenager trapped in a grown man’s body. Stop blaming Paris Hilton for your lack of game. Maybe if you spent less time dissecting women and more time developing a personality that isn’t soaked in bitterness, you’d have better luck.

[Sally]

I’ve heard that kind of anger before, and I get where it comes from. It usually isn’t about women as a whole it’s about feeling ignored, or disappointed, or like the world keeps handing you the short end of the stick. But the way you’re talking right now… it sounds like you’re trying to protect yourself by blaming every woman you’ve ever met.

Here’s the quiet truth: most women don’t want jerks. They want someone who’s genuine. What they don’t want is a guy who carries around this much bitterness and calls it honesty.

You’re not a bad person. You’re just hurt. But if you keep leaning into this resentment, it’s going to push away the same connection you say you want.

[KeishaMartin]

messy cocktail of bruised egos, wounded pride, and half-digested dating theory. “nice guy” isn’t the problem, neediness and resentment are. The men raging in here aren’t losing women because they’re kind, they’re losing women because they’re transactional, keeping score, and quietly furious that kindness didn’t earn them sex, devotion, or worship. Confidence without cruelty is magnetic; availability without self-respect is not. And the guys asking whether they should “turn cocky again” to revive desire? That’s not seduction, that’s panic in a leather jacket. Desire dies when polarity dies, not when love shows up. You don’t have to become an asshole, you just have to stop collapsing into someone else’s orbit and calling it romance.

April Masini nails this topic with surgical precision. She cuts through the gender war nonsense and lands exactly where the truth lives: attraction is about energy, boundaries, and self-worth, not manipulation or entitlement. She’s proof that confidence is sexy in any gender, she’s not cold, she’s complete. As the holidays roll in, here’s my wish: fewer bitter think-pieces and more people showing up to Christmas parties emotionally clothed, not bleeding on the eggnog. May this season bring mistletoe kisses powered by confidence not resentment and a New Year where desire meets dignity on the dance floor.

[Member]

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