[acgibson]

If she’s still interested, then keep pursuing her! Females are taught to let the males do the pursuing. So just because you haven’t heard from her doesn’t mean she’s not interested. She may be waiting for you too!

[acgibson]

But he’s saying he still wants to date me…..

[acgibson]

I have spent this week in my hometown trying to learn to disconnect and ‘think single’ again. But he owes me money for something from awhile back (long story, not relavent), but I still hadn’t heard from him and was pretty sure I wouldn’t, so I sent his sister a message on Facebook, asking her to have him contact me. So he didfinally text me, told me he’d get me the money but not to contact his sister. And here’s what followed:

Me: I won’t. Just don’t disappear. Even if you don’t love me anymore, I need to know I can trust you to pay me back.

Him: I never stopped

Me: I really don’t feel like you love me anymore. And that’s ok with me. People move on. Am I wrong? Do you still want to do this?

Him: Yes I do

(It took me about an hour and a half to think of a response. But it’s all good. Let him sweat.)

Me: Then show me. Remind me. Otherwise I don’t know.

What do you think about all of this? I’m very confused about the mixed signals. I thought we were done. But apparantly not. I would like to work through this since we have the opportunity, but something’s gotta change. And I think communication is the big issue.

[acgibson]

When did I express that I was angry? I missed that……

What he’s doing right now isn’t the guy that I know. And I do want to work it out, even if it means ending it. I just don’t like leaving things unresolved like this. And it’s odd behavior for him, especially considering last time I saw him he was all over me. And we cuddled on the couch and watched three movies.

Where would I meet men? I met DJ in the lobby of a hotel we were both staying at, and he approached me. I wasn’t ‘looking’ at the time, it just happened. I wouldn’t be comfortable going to bars, it’s just not my lifestyle. DJ bought memy first drink on my 21st birthday and I didn’t make it past the 4th sip. It just tasted funny lol. So, I definitely wouldn’t fit in in a bar. But I don’t know where else people ‘meet.’

I don’t have a problem with guys that aren’t up for the country lifestyle. I get along with them just fine and really wouldn’t have a problem with going out on a date or two. The problem arises when I think long-term. Years down the road, I’ll have a large farm with a ton of animals and kids. A guy that’s used to living in the suburbs and working at a corporate office probably isn’t going to appreciate the lifestyle. I would never be willing to give up my dream, and I couldn’t ask him to give up his. And they very rarely mesh together. The typical businessman just doesn’t understand why a Saturday afternoon must be spent picking up 150 bales of hay. In most situations, it’s easy to separate a man’s and woman’s interests, but not when it becomes an entire lifestyle. I just don’t want to waste my time or his.

[acgibson]

You didn’t answer my question, so I guess I’ll have to guess. I DO have to see him, there are things that need to be taken care of, whether I want to or not. But I also think it’s awful rude of him to think it’s ok to just leave me hanging, after telling me he loves me! And I do love him, and would like a chance at starting over. In all the time we’ve spent together, I never got the hint that he didn’t want to be with me. He was all over me. I think he’s just freaking out right now.

I’m not saying I would want to date Jeromi simply because I don’t have other prospects. He’s a nice guy. But I honestly don’t know whether I would like him, because we don’t know each other as civilians.

I work at a preschool. My coworkers? Women.

I ride horses. The people at the barn? Women. (Though I do love the cowboy type 🙂 )

I participate in a bible study group at church. The people there? Typical college girls. And typical college guys. Not my type. Not one of them would know how to hook up a horse trailer or fix a fence.

[acgibson]

That’s the confusing part, though. He was the one rushing into the relationship, wanting me to commit before I was ready. And now that I’ve gotten to that point, he’s freaking out. He’s been a great boyfriend, and I hope it turns out that we get to have more time together, but if we don’t I’ll be ok. But either way, I don’t want him to just bail. I want him to man up and tell me to my face. So should I ask to meet him at the hotel? Or just show up? If we had been on just a few dates I wouldn’t care if he just disappeared. But he wanted me to commit, so I did, and I don’t think it’s fair for him to jump ship without even telling me.

And if he and I ARE over, but I don’t allow this other guy to pursue me, I don’t see myself getting any other prospects anytime soon. I’m SHOCKED that I’m even in this situation with the two of them. I’d never been pursued until this past summer when I met him. So I’d probably be single for quite awhile. I ride horses, drive a truck, and am happier fixing fence or loading 100 bales of hay in the august heat than I am in a bar. I’ve never even been ‘out on the town.’ I’m country yet conservative and wouldn’t have a clue where to meet guys, because I’m not what the typical guy is looking for.

[acgibson]

And I’m not really the type to have guys waiting in line like this. My current boyfriend was my first date, first relationship, and first kiss. This other guy just happened to come back into my life at this time, and is really hoping for something more. But as for guys in the city where I live, that just hasn’t happened. I’ve never done the ‘casual dating’thing.

[acgibson]

We met in July. He is 35 and I am 21. We became official in late September. He is 2 years out of a divorce and my first boyfriend. We have a great time together. He lives 4 hours away and works in my city most weeks. But the last time I saw him was Nov 17 for my 21st birthday. Before that he was kinda pulling away. Contact had slowed. But then we got to spend the whole day together and had a great time, so I thought we were ok. But he’s had to work in another city for the last several weeks, and communication slowed again. He had promised to spend Christmas with me and my family, but wouldn’t commit to what day he would be able to leave. So I opened the door for him to back out, and he jumped right back in, saying he wanted to go. Then last Thursday night he texted and said “call you later, love you.” But that call never came. I tried calling and texting, and he just wouldn’t call me back. So I left without him. It’s only been a few days, and I still haven’t heard from him. I was really mad and hurt at first, but I’ve had aome time to think and I think he’s panicking. I would love to resolve it and make it work, but I’m not sure if he’s ready. He’s two years out of the divorce, but he may need more time. And that’s ok, I can live with that. I love him and I would miss him, but care about him enough to let him go if that’s what he needs.

[acgibson]

I have a lot of friends where I’m from, just not here. And the ones I have talked to about the communication issues agree that it’s a problem.

[acgibson]

But I don’t understand how it can be ‘normal’ for a couple not to talk for days at a time just because there’s distance between them. He deploys to Afghanistan next year, and I don’t want it to turn into weeks.

[acgibson]

I really don’t see how one has anything to do with the other….. Making friends has nothing to do with our relationship. I don’t see how having someone to hang out with on the weekends is going to affect how we communicate. It just doesn’t makee sense……..

When we started this, he’s the one that brought up the idea that he was looking for a serious long-term relationship, and wanted to make sure I was prepared for it. And as much as he moves around and works, I don’t think he’d be staying with me unless that was still what he was looking for. I think he would think it wasn’t worth the effort (or the money…..army guys don’t make much, but he always insists on paying when we’re out somewhere). I think that’s why he hasn’t bothered dating since the divorce (until now).

He also mentions on occasion that he has every intention of ‘keeping’ me. Or he’ll ask if he can keep me.

And when we realized the age difference between us, he gave me an out. Said there would be no hard feelings if I was looking for something more casual with someone closer to my age. He’s made it very clear that even though he may not be looking to marry within the year, he’s looking for commitment, and a wife.

We come from very different backgrounds, and he had a hard time (at first) accepting the fact that I want to wait until I’m married to have sex. But he’s ok with it now. Says I’m worth the wait. We’ve been at this for 4 months and he knows he’s not getting anything beyond a kiss. It’s the first time he’s dated a girl like me, and I don’t think he’d stick around unless he were serious.

[acgibson]

Making friends has always been difficult for me. Buf I didn’t come here to learn how to make friends. I came here to ask how to get my boyfriend to communicate and keep in touch.

[acgibson]

I think I do realize he’s got a lot going on, which is why I’ve waited so long on this issue. I was trying to be understanding and let him do what he’s gotta do. But it’s gotten to the point where I feel like he’s ignoring me and I start to doubt our relationship. But then he comes back and we’re all over each other and everything’s great… until he leaves again.

[acgibson]

The friend thing has definitely been an issue with me. I’m trying, and hoping, but my social skills suck. It’s gonna take awhile.

The army stuff we can talk about. It’s why we met. I used to be enlisted, and he was in uniform when he held the door open for me that morning. So I checked his rank and said ‘thank you, Sgt.’ That’s what started the conversation. I miss being a soldier, but I think the time I spent enlisted has given me a better understanding of what he deals with. He doesn’t have to worry about explaining terms and policies to me.

He’s actually doing it right now. At the last minute they sent him to another city to work this week, and he didn’t tell me until Monday afternoon when I asked what the plan was for this week. I asked what he wanted to do for Thanksgiving, and he said he needed to talk to his sister but would get back to me. I haven’t heard from him since. Granted, he’s probably working 12-16 hrs a day right now (usually the way it goes when they send him elsewhere), but I’d still like to know what we’re doing.

[acgibson]

I have no other friends here, so I find myself trying to sit and talk to him forever, and he hates to talk, so I’m trying to get used to that. But a simple text like ‘good morning’ or ‘how was your day?’ would be nice. That’s anotherbthing. If I ask how his day was, all he says is ‘good.’ (Though I would love it if he gave a real answer…) If he asks how mine was (and he did once, when he was still trying to win me over), I tell him. I tell him about the good, the bad, the ugly. Then I realize he didn’t really wanna know, he was expecting me to give a generic answer.

[Member]

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