[khlicht]

Thank you so much April for all your advice. You are really helping me out a lot!

I just have one last question (I hope). So basically now after she leaves town after her Xmas break, I’m sure that she will stay in touch with me, that she will call me maybe every day, send me msgs, emails and stuff like that because she wants to keep the hope alive of us being together again in 8 months time.
What do you think my attitude should be towards her? Should I blow her off and tell her it’s better not to speak anymore and for her not to call me anymore or should I keep matters in a friendly way and just answer her and talk to her in a nice (but not boyfriend/girlfriend like) way?

[khlicht]

yes ok I understood that and this is what I will tell her. But I was asking this question just for myself. I’m asking if someday this relationship has the possibility to work again or is it damaged forever and I should just completely forget about it.

One more thing, but I’m not sure if this is a topic that you deal with. But I will go ahead and ask you about it. So basically, now when I caught her about this, all kind of thoughts are running through my head and trying to find out what else she lied to me about. But there is one thing that is really tormenting me a lot. I’m wondering a lot now if I was really her first or she lied about this! Let me give you some background about this: Ever since the first week together, she told me that she was a virgin. After 6 months together, we had sex. But I wonder now if she was really a virgin. She didn’t bleed at all when we did it, she did feel pain (but not a lot) but she could have been acting. And on my part, it was tight when I penetrated but not very difficult. I don’t really recall the difference between the 1st time and the 100th or so that we had sex together for example. She told me the next day that she is bleeding but I didn’t actually see it.
Now the thing is that she was in a relationship with someone before me for 2 years. I always found it weird how she never had sex with him but she had sex with me after “only” 6 months. And I actually asked her why, she said that she just didn’t feel it with the other guy and that he was more like a friend to her (but then again, why did she stay with him for 2 years?)
How can I know for sure that she was a virgin?? :s Do you think it is a good idea if I try to get in touch secretly with her ex on facebook and ask him?
Just for the record, I don’t care at all whether she was a virgin or not before me. What I care about is that if she lied to me about it! It wouldn’t have mattered at all to me if she had just told me that she wasn’t a virgin!
I never thought about this thing because I always trusted her. But now, after what happened, I’m thinking that it’s very probable that she lied to me about her virginity!

[khlicht]

Thank you yes I think you are right.
The thing is that I’m sure about not doing the long distance relationship anymore. I realize now how difficult it is and how it does more bad than good. But how about 8 months from now, let’s say I will be single and she will be back for good, is this relationship good for another shot?
I know how much I love this girl and I’m sure I still will 8 months from now even if I go out and fool around with other girls during that time (unless of course I find a compatible girl who is worth a serious relationship). And I’m pretty sure she loves me back despite what she did (for example, when I contacted the other guy through facebook, he told me that she didn’t want to sleep with him although he wanted to and that she always speaks about me to him and tells him how much she loves me and how she will never find someone like me). And from my part, even if I cheated on her a couple of times in the first year of our relationship, back then I wasn’t sure about my relationship with her. But after that, I realized how much I love her with my whole heart and never cheated on her again! (re-read my first post for the details if you forgot)
What do you think, is this relationship good for another shot 8 months from now if I am single then?

[khlicht]

Thank you for your reply. What I told her is that after this, there is no way that we can still be together at long distance and that there is no trust anymore. Now even though she is doing everything so that I forgive her and stay together on long distance, she is understanding that it is a lost cause on my part. So what she’s asking me now is if there would be any hope for us to be together again when she comes back in 8 months time. And she promised that even if we won’t be together all this time, she won’t kiss or go out with any guy there because I am the one she wants and she is going to wait for me (although I won’t have any proofs other than her words that she actually didn’t kiss or go out with another guy in this period). But all she wants from me is to give her this hope.

What do you think I should do? What should I tell her? Should I consider getting back together with her 8 months from now when she will be back for good?

Also, she will be coming for vacation for 2 weeks during xmas time and she really wants to see me and talk to me. Should I do that? and I’m sure I will be tempted to hang out with her and hug/kiss/sleep with her during that period even though I don’t want to get back together with her on long distance (and I’m definitely not going to get back together with her on long distance once she leaves right after new years)

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