Turns out he was having an affair. I caught him before it was physical, we went to counseling and I thought it was over….wow, was I wrong. She lived a few hours away from us, so I didn’t see it as a threat…but I guess where there is a will there is a way. He would tell me he had to go to work early and would go see her, or tell me he had to work an extra day out of town. This girl is nothing like me physically, however, we do have similar personalities, other than the fact that I would NEVER cheat on my husband or knowingly have an affair with a married man, as she did. She is a “bigger” girl and not my husbands usual type at all, as he is very into a certain body type (which I have) and this woman does not even come close. I discovered proof of his affair and confronted him. At this point he went and obtained an attorney. He never told me he wanted a divorce, and when I said I did, he just tried to talk me out of it and actually sought help by seeing a counselor and a psychiatrist. I decided that because he was seeking help, that I would stay with him….not knowing he had retained an attorney. (I found a receipt) When I asked him about the attorney he said the divorce was on hold. I asked him if he was getting his money back and he said he called but never got ahold of them. I thought things were getting back on track. Then about a month later, I come home from work and he says we need to talk. At this point he tells me the “other” woman is preggo…..then says, well she lost the babies….yes that’s right, babies. I told him that I believed she was lying about being pregnant…pretty ironic, that she has an IUD, yet got pregnant, which just ironically happened the very last time they were together, and she ironically also lost the babies….I was speechless to say the least. After this lovely news, he shows me divorce papers….showed them, not served them to me, just let me hold them for long enough to read the first two pages. I asked him what this was and he said the divorce papers, but it was still on hold. As I looked at the first page, I saw that it had been filed….he took the papers back and told me that he wants to keep the divorce on hold and told the attorney not to serve me, that he wanted to do it if he decided to follow through with the divorce. This was almost 2 months ago, I have not seen them since. When I asked my husband what he was thinking his reasons for divorce are simply that me and our children deserve better than him. He is right about that, and I told him so. I told him if he thinks we deserve better, than he needs to be a better man, and lately he has extremely changed his behavior for the better. He is more attentive, more loving, and instead of doing his “Me” stuff all day, he does “us” or “family” things. I honestly love this man and want to make our marriage work, my issue though is 1. trust (a given) 2. I can’t get the conversations out of my head that I had with the “other” woman and 3. I keep thinking about his betrayal and them sleeping together and it is literally ripping my insides out! No matter how much I try to forget, I just can’t seem to do it….just when I am having a good time, something pops up to remind me of everything. Do you have any suggestions on how I can move forward with him while not dwelling on his betrayal. One thing I might mention is he has never apologized for this, only said he was a “piece of s**t”….is his lack of apology getting in my way? I just want to have a normal life with him and our family again! Please help!
tcugirl
Member #126,080