Im extremely defensive, even when I’m trying not to be. Ive been on my own since I was 17( I’m now 34). I grew up with violence, drugs, gangs, jail, etc. And I’ve always had to defend myself, or my position. Its a natural reaction for me to react first without thinking. I say things I dont mean only later to apologize. Its like I have no filter and cant take two seconds to think about the issue at hand. Or my tone comes off harsh and when I try to correct it he says I’m being fake. Our communication ends up falling short because I usually break down and cry because I cant seem to get it right. He’s tired of hearing I’m sorry or I’m trying. He believes if I was truly sorry or trying ; it wouldnt constantly come up.
Another issue I’m guilty of is when he’s quiet I don’t believe he wants to just read or watch tv. I turn into Barbara Walters with 20 questions of are you ok? do you need anything? are you hungry?
