[Scarlet]

Bottom line: I met a new guy, but don’t know how to react to his inviting me to his town for a first date.

We live in towns about 45 minutes away from each other and met Thursday night through a mutual friend who lives in the middle. He asked me for my card and he emailed me that night – just a simple “nice to meet you, would like to chat again sometime soon.” I responded in kind a little less than 24 hours later (late Friday afternoon).

He responded with an hour and said he’d “like to invite me” to his town and show me some restaurants. He’ll be out if town Monday night through Thursday night for business bit is “available when you are.”

I like this guy and would like to give it a chance, but I’m concerned that my driving to his town is not a good precedent to set for a first date. I think he should be driving over here and taking me out here to impress me, for a first date, at least, if not also the second and third.

How do you think I should respond?

Thanks!

[Scarlet]

I didn’t tell him this, but I had a prior commitment for Halloween with my daughter tonight and could not change it.

Anyway, what do you think of this text?

Hey, Happy Halloween! I’m so jealous that you are getting to go to crawl-o-week, while I have plans that can’t be changed. Crawl-o-ween sounds like fun, especially when there is a “mysterious one in the mask” (also known as “G”) lurking around! BOO!

Do you think that would be flirty enough to let him know I’m interested and get things moving for another time when I can make it?

[Scarlet]

I have bought and read Think and Date Like A Man. I couldn’t help that I have promised my daughter certain plans for Halloween.

Since we have each other’s numbers and are set up to text, what if I send him a text, ask whether he’s having a good time, and let him know I wish I could have made it?

[Scarlet]

I met a new guy, Greg, at yoga class last night. He introduced himself after the class and made conversation. Then he invited me to join him and a friend for a bite. I think I showed interest, but didn’t really gush or provide a big explanation as to why I couldn’t go because I had reasons why I wanted to head home. Then he mentioned a Halloween event downtown tonight and asked for my phone number in case I wanted to go so we could text and find each other in the crowd. I did want to go and asked about the time because I have other plans tonight. I told him that I’d like to go, but it starts late enough to conflict with my plans tonight. I’m hoping that my interest in going to the Halloween event, wish that had it started early enough not to conflict with my plans, and giving him my phone number is enough for him to know I like him and that he will call or text me to follow up. On the other hand, I turned him down twice and he may think I’m not interested. I’d like to see him again. What should I do, or not do?

[Scarlet]

Thanks, this is helpful. I can understand the idea of just dropping in rather than emailing so as not to make it look like a big deal. The only thing is, having been up there to see others who sublet the space, what do I say if he’s not there and the receptionist asks to take a message? I just stopped by for my tour of the new office space (which she already watched another person give me about a month ago)? Seems like a one shot deal and I’m afraid of messing up!

[Scarlet]

If I should follow up (rather than do nothing as my sister suggests), then WHEN and HOW should I do it? Wait a day, a week, a month? How should I go about it? Pop by, unannounced? The nature of his work is such that he would have client conferences so it is possible to stop by at a bad time. Send an email asking whether it is a good time? Make sure the time is near lunch time, so that maybe he’ll ask me to lunch?

[Scarlet]

Rode the elevator up to work with a guy who works one floor above me in a recently renovated space. He commented that I should come see the new offices. Another person who works there already gave me a tour, which I et him know in a tactful way, but this guy says his office is the best with the best views so I still need a tour. I was carrying some flowers and he said I don’t have to bring the flowers which I hoped was flirting. My sister says he knows where I am so hold off for now. Do you agree? What, if anything, should I do?

[Scarlet]

Thanks, but with regard to question #2, what I was trying to do is to explain why I’m still looking and see if you agree that I should be. When babydaddy and I had “the talk” he said he didn’t want to see anyone else, but if I felt the need to, he’d understand. What I am asking is whether I am right to feel the need to when, even though we get along very well, I don’t see him stepping up in a way to suggest he’d ever marry me I’m not even sure I’d want to marry him anyway because although he’s pretty good boyfriend material, I don’t think he really believes in marriage the way that I do. Having been married for 20 years before, I know that you really have to believe in it to keep it working (and even then there’s no guarantee as proven by the fact that my ex-husband and I got divorced)

[Scarlet]

PS : Question #1 – How many dates is reasonable before deciding to exclusive>

Question #2: Also, baby daddy sends me cutesy cards that he doesn’t even sign “love, followed by his name” Never mushy cards or declarations of love. He’ll tell me he loves me, but seems to need a hint first. Also, he’s always telling me how he doesn’t want me to need him. Moreover, after my ex-husband got re-married I told babydaddy that I had experienced a lot of pain over the remarriage and realized that it is not because I miss him, but because I miss “it.” I told him that when a person gets married he/she should feel as if it is the best thing they’ve ever done. Although he picked up our dates to 2 a week minimum versus 1 a week minimum, at the time he responded, “but I don’t feel that way” So, while on the one hand I don’t know new guy well enough after 2 dates to go exclusive, thereby ending my 1.5 year relationship with babydaddy, my second question is –

How can I let go of anything with potential in order to hold on to a life of cutesy cards and “don’t need me’s”????

[Scarlet]

What I’m trying to do is take your advice and really focus on my goal – to get remarried. Thing is, I don’t want to get re-divorced! So I’m trying to be really careful about my choices. While babydaddy and I are very compatable for dating (we get along great!), I’m not so sure we are compatable for marriage, for many reasons, not the least of which is that I don’t think he really believes in it and if he married me it would be to keep me from leaving the relationship rather than because he wants to be married. That’s not a good enough reason. And I don’t want to date getting cutesy rather than mushy cards from babydaddy the rest of my life. On the other hand, I just don’t know this new guy well enough to draw conclusions. I know he’s twice divorced. He said the first wife was an alcoholic. He said that the second marriage ended because he got depressed, grew apart from his second wife, and then the second wife left him for another man. Everyone has baggage, including me. I don’t want to be dishonest with anyone. I really like and respect new guy. I don’t want to lose him! But I think it is prudent to go on more than 2 dates before I make a decision to throw out everything else and devote myself to a guy a barely know. How many dates do you think one should go on before being exclusive?

[Scarlet]

I recently met a new guy and we’ve been on two dates. Last night during date #2, he asked me, “Are we dating?” To me the answer is yes, we are going out on dates! But he seemed to be asking it as a loaded question. He followed up with a remark that he’s a one woman guy. I didn’t really say anything since I was surprised at such 2nd date conversation and didn’t know how to respond. I had the feeling that his follow up response was asking me whether I’m seeing anyone else, which I am. I’m still seeing the never-married guy with the babymana and unshared values. This new guy seems like a great person who is twice divorced, his second divorce only being 16 months ago. I’d like to get to know him better before rushing into anything, although I do recognize that the never married babymana and I probably have no future and the new guy and I may have. The key difference is that the new guy acts more “into me” (more frequent contact, gushing about feelings) than the never married guy, whom I’ve been dating for 1.5 years. I told new guy that I’m interested in him and excited about dating him, but want to take things slow. I feel like I’m somehow misleading new guy, which makes me feel badly. What should I do? Does wanting to pursue things with new guy require that I break things off with never-married guy? Thanks

[Scarlet]

I just got a text from him which says, “Hello! Hope that you are having a good day. Since t he last time we were in contact I have some vehicle issues and they may have to take my car tomorrow evening. Can I buy you lunch tomorrow? It would be a part personal business and pleasure lunch….if you are available. Let me know if you can…thanks.

What should do?

[Scarlet]

What should I do if I hear from him tomorrow?

[Scarlet]

Ok, thanks, but by “respond” do you mean “follow up”? There’s nothing for him to respond to – he was supposed to follow up on where and what time to meet. His last text of last Wednesday said “Let me see the choices we have.,…there are lots of them.” So he wouldn’t be responding, he’d be following up. Just want to make sure we are on the same page. Thanks.

[Scarlet]

I followed your advice – James and I agreed to meet tomorrow after work. BUT the last I heard from him was a text last Wednesday saying, “Sounds good! Let me see the choices we have…there are lots of then.” What do I do if I don’t hear anything else back?????

[Member]

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