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I met a new guy, James, at a wine tasting last week and then at another, similar type of event, after that. Nice that he’s local and we’ve met in person twice. He asked me out for and let me pick the when. I picked Tuesday night because my daughter will be out of town next week. I was really expecting that we’d meet somewhere, but his most recent text from last night reads “Tuesday sounds great! We can meet or I can come get you.” I I don’t think he’s a security risk, although I’ve only met him twice at social events. I think he’s just trying to be nice. You may ask what’s my preference. I have picked feelings, some practical, some not so much. Practically, I have a dog who needs grooming and likes to bite males he’s never met before, so that could be avoided with meeting. Meeting would spare me that and also rushing home after work to deal with dog/ clean up the house and get ready. On the other hand, I don’t want him to think I consider him a security risk when I do not. I don’t know the modern day ettiquette on this “non-online” situation. HOW SHOULD I RESPOND? TX

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I met a new guy on line about a month ago (John). We seem compatable, but live 5 hours apart (each way) He’s always saying he wants me to “share more of what I’m thinking and feeling.” What I’m thinking and feeling now is frustration about not having plans to meet in person to find out whether we have in person chemistry, because without that it doesn’t matter how compatable we are on paper or how attracted we are to each other’s pictures. We talk on the phone too, but in person is a must! Is he wasting my time? What should I do? Thanks

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I’ve been corresponding with John, a new guy I met online. We moved off-site at a reasonable pace and are now corresponding directly. He sent me a picture of himself with his grown daughter. I returned the gesture and sent him a picture of me with my daughter, although mine is a few years old and I pointed that out to him.

In response he sent me an email ending with “So now I’m day dreaming about a dinner date with you two, thoughts?”

[u]I’m assuming he means with me and my daughter as opposed to me and his daughter.
[/u]
He probably means well, but I would NEVER introduce my daughter to a guy at the same time I met him! In fact, it would only be after an extended period of dating and having formed an expectation of a definite future with him as “Mr. Right” that I would let them meet.

I think he has potential and I’d like to meet him myself, but that’s all.

How should I respond?

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I got two business as usual emails from 2.5 year, long distance guy today:

The first said:

Hi

What’s up?
I’ve been pretty busy lately but have decided I need a break so planned some vacation over the next couple months.
I looked at the schedule and this was what was available. I possibly could swap some time around with others.

Are we going to the beach again?

The second said:

“I was checking your reply and realized I didn’t send the dates, duh.”

And then plugged in dates, including today and tomorrow!

Should I even respond to this business as usual email?

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Well, how about this? I could tell him about the fact that I’ve been best friends with her since 1986 but hesitate to speak fir her in how she would describe me. However, a professional friend wrote me a reference letter about 5 years ago and among the wirk related comments he said that at the time he’d known me for approximately 10 years and that I am a very kind and pleasant person.

What do you think?

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How is the best way to describe yourself when asked to do so?

I’ve been communicating online with a new guy, Ed and so far he seems compatible. I got this email from Ed:

[i]Well, we made it to the “Open Communication” stage . . . Go us!

I’ve enjoyed reading your responses and am looking forward to getting to know you a little better.

Tell me a little more about yourself. [b]HOW WOULD YOUR BEST FRIEND DESCRIBE YOU TO ME?[/b][/i]

I don’t really know how my best friend would describe me to him. How should I answer such a question?

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You are very helpful and I am very grateful for your help 🙂 You have a point – I am allowing myself to get emotionally involved with guys with whom I do not see a future for one reason or the other. The two year LDR can’t stop talking about ex-wife is one example and the commitment-phobe guy is another I will re-read the book this weekend. The reason I have so many micromanaging questions is that I’m finding it very difficult to adjust to modern dating. Dating seemed easy when I last dated back in the 80’s, but it is very difficult to get adjusted to online dating, emails and texts! For example, there is another guy, Lane, I’ve met online and he says he wants to meet in person after he returns from his business trip. He signed his latest email “Hope you are having a great week, and you are setting aside some time for face to face discussion and some fun.” So how am I supposed to react to that? I thought about your “playing hard to get suggestion” and responded with a friendly “welcome back” email, but did not address getting together specifically. Was that the correct response? It is difficult for me to know whether I am leading the charge versus not giving enough encouragement because being online deprives us of nonverbal cues such as facial expressions and other indications of what’s going on with the other person such as tone of voice. It is very frustrating! Does that make sense?

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Okay, I’ll read it again, paying special attention to what I’ve already highlighted.

I feel like I’ve dated a lot of men since getting divorced. My mother says I was picky enough the first time around! I had no idea it would be this difficult to meet another Mr. Right!

How long is “quite some time” for dating between marriages? I left my ex-husband in 2009 and the divorce went through in 2010, so that’s only 4 years. I admit it makes me feel put down that he got remarried before I did (which is the opposite of what I would have predicted based upon our dating histories before meeting each other).

I thought the key was to stay in circulation, thereby meeting as many new people as possible. I attend business and social functions (like the wine tasting I’m attending Saturday night), but the biggest problem is that 99% of the men I meet are already married (and therefore completely off limits).

I’ve also tried online dating. The most recent guy whom I was quite interested in was the one I got upset about not getting around to asking me out. When he finally did, he traveled two hours from his location to mine, but we just didn’t have the chemistry in person that we had online. That was frustrating because except for that ultra important ingredient, he was perfect!

If I meet a someone like this guy Rob and we click as friends, then at least maybe I’d meet a single guy through him? That’s actually how my brother in law met my sister.

If it worked for my brother in law, why can’t it work for me?

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He’s actually not the one who asked if I enjoy the dating game. That was Jeff. I dodged the question and never heard back from Jeff.

This guy, Rob, mentioned meeting a couple of weeks ago and we agreed to do so once he got back from out of town. This is the first weekend since. Since I’ve already agreed to meet in theory, do you still think I should now decline in practice? I’m looking at Rob’s email from yesterday now. The exact wording is “What is your schedule like this Sunday?”

I was thinking of something like, “pretty busy, but I do have some time Sunday afternoon.” What do you think?

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He’s just a guy I met on an online dating site. He lives a couple of hours away, so that’s probably why he picked Sunday. We’ve been corresponding for a while and just moved off-site. I’d like to meet him to see if there’s any chemistry. But he asked what my schedule is like…not whether I’m free…so, should I answer under these circumstances?

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What is the best way to respond when a guy asks you what your schedule is like on a given day if you want to go out with him? In this case, he sent me an email asking what my schedule is like on Sunday. I know we are all supposed to be busy, so saying it is wide open wouldn’t work. What should I say?

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What If I just say, “Sure, I like the dating game. How about you?”

Also, should I return a telephone call from a guy if he doesn’t leave a message? If so, what is the acceptable time frame for calling him back? The long distance guy I’ve been talking about since the very beginning called me last night but did not leave a message. We have actually had many subsequent dates and he did finally tell me he loves me, but he still hasn’t introduced me to his family and had gone a while without calling. What should I do? Thanks.

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Thanks that helps.

But how do I answer the online guy’s question of whether I enjoy the dating game? The truth is “not since high school and college undergrad!” But, of course, I can’t say that.

So what is a good answer to such a question?

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I wish I could meet 20 new guys a day! How can a single mother who works full time meet 20
(single) guys a day?

One way I’m trying is on-line dating. A guy just wrote me and asked me whether I enjoy the dating game. The truth is “not since high school and college undergrad!” But, of course, I can’t say that.

So what is a good answer to such a question? He asked me a few others about my work, so maybe it is not heavy on his mind and I could ignore the question. On the other hand, if I could come up with a clever answer, perhaps I could use it to my advantage and turn the question on him?

Any advice, especially a suggested response, would be most welcome.

Thanks

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So I finally went out on a date with the guy I wrote about (Joel) last Saturday night. He sent me a text the next day saying he had a good time and making a little joke. I responded in kind. It’s Thursday and I haven’t heard a thing since. Am I right to write him off at this point?

Also, I went out with another guy I met on line (Jay) the night before (last Friday night). Jay texted Sunday and Monday and called Tuesday night. Nothing Wednesday.

Am I right to do nothing with regard to each – to only respond if contacted?

Thanks

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