[Scarlet]

Does this mean I should stop communicating with him? He sent me a direct email promptly so at least we’re offsite, but it’s just more chat. He has yet to even ask for my phone number. So my options are, as I see them, 1) continue email correspondence which could go on forever 2) try to push it forward again (against my nature), 3) give up and stop corresponding with him until he asks me for a date. Which do you suggest? Is there a “plan D” I’m missing?

[Scarlet]

I went ahead and sent the email as I suggested givying him my email address because I was tired of thinking about it and thought – what if giving him my direct email isn’t the rules – so what?! I just don’t have time for all this!

Which makes me wonder – is my disgust at this whole process good or bad?

I saw where he looked at my profile today before I responded as I suggested – I prefer to be pursued! Why don’t men just pursue? Is my disgust healthy or not?

[Scarlet]

Update – we exchanged emails again. I keep wanting him to initiate direct contact without having to hint – guys usually ask for my number after this many exchanges! We live 2 hours apart. But still. So last thing is that ge guessed my name, then said that he says he wants to know more about me, so I should ask and answer my own question! What’s up with that? Us there a clever way to use the opportunity to move things forward? Like, question for S – what’s my phone number? 123-456-7890! Or what’s my direct email? [email protected]. Is that too forward?

[Scarlet]

I lost the nerve to hint for a date when he hasn’t even asked for my phone number or personal email. So, instead I continued and asked some other question.

I made sure I sent it last night since today is Valentine’s Day and I didn’t want to deal with whether or not to mention it.

This morning he sent me an email which made no mention of valentine’s or even communicating off the website. He answered my so-so question and ended with:

[b][i]OK, your turn as I want to know more about you. What does a typical day in the life of S___with h, a, and n look like? Hey, I just answered 2 questions!!!! Your second question……….What do you like to do at the beach?

I hope your day goes well.[/i][/b]

What do you think? What’s up with this? Is he ever going to move from the dating site to real life – a phone call at least?!

[Scarlet]

Good news is that we’ve exchanged several emails and so far so good. Good rapport and interestingly, we are from the state, although neither of us live in that state anymore. Something major in common which portends well for cultural compatibility.

My question is how do I get him to take things up a notch – from the online dating website email to real life – real email, texting, phone number, whatever?

We live about 2 hours apart, each way, so I can understand some degree of protracted communication before taking the leap to meeting in person, but still.

Here’s how ended his latest email before closing:

“As promised, question answered. I’m ready for your next one.”

How do you suggest I respond? I don’t want to ask a bunch of questions that sound like an interview. Rather, I want to encourage him to take it up a notch – ask for my personal email, phone number of something!

[Scarlet]

Thanks for that advice….I followed it and it must have helped because he sent me a 3 paragraph email response one of which has lots of little questions. I’d answer them all, but I’ve read that women need to be a little mysterious at first and not tell their life stories. Besides, we haven’t even met!

So, here is the paragraph with the questions:

So, tell me more about yourself. Where are you originally from? Where did you grow up? What does a day in the life of S look like? What types of activities do you enjoy doing? Or maybe, what types of activities do you have time for? If you are comfortable with sharing, I would like to hear about your work. OK, that’s enough for now as I don’t want to overload you with too many questions. I promise, any questions you answer I’ll answer……..a two-way street.

How should I respond? Thanks again! 🙂

[Scarlet]

I have re-read the book with a highlighter! And now I’ve met someone promising on a dating site. We’ve exchanged questions and he has great answers. He’s sent me 3 questions and I’m writing to get advice on how to answer, especially his 3rd question as it may be a trap! I don’t want to scare him off!!!

Here are his answers to my questions:

1. What does happily ever after look like to you?

Finding the right person for marriage, life-long companionship, going through life’s ups and downs together, sharing and supporting each other, continual growth, enjoying the simple day-to-day experiences of a family, and a smile that lasts a lifetime

2. What do you think are the three best traits you have to offer a partner?
Honesty, sincerity, and compassion

3. What are you looking for in a relationship partner?
Happiness, confidence, secure with oneself, honesty, open communication, optimistic, and family

Here are his questions for me to answer:

1. How would you describe your ideal partner?
2. What does finding the “right” person mean to you? I’m sneaking in a fourth question……..what letters are missing from “S?”
3. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Do you have any advice on how to answer his questions, especially number 3???

Thanks!!!

[Scarlet]

I just found out that my ex-husband of 20 years is getting remarried. I’m trying to stave off being depressed about it. I think the biggest source of sadness is not having found Mr. Right myself. For some time I have been dating several guys, none of whom seems to be Mr. Right, and trying to keep my options open until Mr. Right comes along. Is that the best strategy? First there’s the guy I’m really crazy about (and whose commitment would relieve me of these blues), but he doesn’t seem to be able to let go of his ex-wife. Second there’s the guy with the baby mama whose happily ever after doesn’t seem to match mine (I believe in marriage, but he doesn’t appear to). Third there’s the widower with whom I’ve had 3 dates but am now just getting morning text greetings (nice, but not enough to stop dating others). All I want is a man to share my life with – why is it so difficult the second time around? Am I handling this right?

[Scarlet]

He called last night. I tried being enticing and alluring. He asked me what I am doing this weekend. Friday night I’m going out to dinner with another guy. I didn’t tell him that.

Saturday I’m not so sure and Sunday I may go to a holiday party.

I want him to ask me out and am afraid if I tell him I’m booked, then he won’t ask!

How should I have answered when he asked me what I’m doing?

[Scarlet]

Why is the response to my question a totally unrelated question from someone else??

[Scarlet]

Hi, I’ve got the book and have read it, but it seems to focus on what to do once we are in a relationship, whereas I need help on how to get to one.

I’ve been on two dates with the guy who before the dates seemed to have lost interest. Now, things are going pretty well – good morning texts followed by telephone calls at night. Now my frustration is in not keeping plans going, particularly as new years eve approaches. Last night we talked for an hour, but no plans for date #3! Also, new years eve is right around the corner and it’s time to make plans. My preference is to go out with him, but I want to make other plans if he’s not going to ask me out.

I got the good morning text this morning and hope for communication tonight.

How can I find out whether he intends to take me out new years eve?

[Scarlet]

My latest situation is a great example of the culture shock I’ve experienced on re-entering the dating scene after divorce. I met a guy online and we started texting/talking daily for a week. Then he skipped Monday altogether, but sent single/short “have a nice day” type texts (which didn’t ask any question to keep the conversation going) Tuesday and Wednesday! What’s up with that?! All I knew to do was to respond in kind which meant he sent me one text and I responded with one text and that was it. I want him to ask me out so I can see if there’s any in person chemistry. What should I do? Thanks!

[Scarlet]

I agree with your writing to “get ready get real” on the main page – the actions you described are those of my ex-husband before we got married. That is what I want (don’t all women?), but I seem to cross paths with men who offer less for some reason. Is there some defect in those of us who are single, age 40 and above if we are never married or divorced?

There is this local, 7 month guy and a long distance (2 states away), 2 year guy.

The long distance, 2 year guy relationship progressed to the point of him wanting to see me more and agreeing to see each other once a month and take it from there. But, he has the same attitude with his grown daughters and ex-wife as 7 month guy does with his baby mama. Long distance guy seems to have more of an excuse in that his grown daughters sided with the mother in the divorce, the grown daughters have told him they want nothing to do with any women he dates post-divorce, and he seems to be living a constant effort to “win them back.”

I told long distance guy he wants a different type of relationship than I do and so I can’t see him anymore. He still calls me a few times a week and hints at seeing each other again and I just ignore his efforts. Am I wrong to even take his calls?

Do I have stop seeing both guys in order to try and meet someone new?

It is so difficult to re-enter the dating world after being married most of your adult life! Thanks!

[Scarlet]

This is great advice and I thank you. I do need to clarify though. These threads are about two different men. The one who brought up plans but nothing concrete is not the one with the baby mama. Maybe that doesn’t matter, but I just thought I’d clarify. As for the present one. we had a discussion about our marital histories on the first date. I was just saying I have verified because the obvious guess is that his reason for not introducing me to his son is being married. He hasn’t ever stood me up. He just didn’t contact me for 5 days. Then, last night, after I sent you the first question, he sent an email acting like nothing was the matter for not contacting me for 5 days and asked about our Friday night date night. I’m just saying I want more than weekend dates with a mid week email check in! I would expect more after 7 months with a man who claims to be “in love” with me. Do you think I should just break it off with him? If so, how? Thanks again!

[Scarlet]

I’ve been dating a man for 7 months. We are both in our 40’s. I am divorced with one child age 14. He has never been married but has a child age 7 from a previous relationship. I have my child full time. He has his child every other Saturday night. Our pattern has been to have Friday night date night and see each other Saturdays too if he does not have his son. We have been communicating at least every few days. He refuses to text which would greatly increase communication since I have little privacy, so we mostly email. We do talk on the phone occasionally, but I am the one who usually calls him because he says he never knows when my child is with me. I know he’s not married because I have spent a lot of time at his house. After 4 months of dating he told me he’s in love with me and then, after that, we’ve been intimate. We had our usual Friday night date last weekend which went fine and he had his son the next day. He mentioned this Friday night and has been my understanding that we have a date. But then I didn’t hear from between Friday night and last night – 5 days! When I did hear from him, he didn’t even mention not having contacted me for 5 days. Instead, he invited me for a Friday night consisting of dinner at a fancy restaurant followed by, conveniently, homemade dessert. The dessert offer was followed by ahem, romantic suggestions.
I had actually begun to worry that he had vanished and do not want this to become the status quo of our communication between dates. I am concerned that if I just play along that’s what will happen, particularly since I’ve always been concerned about his potential for commitment-phobia as a never married man, age 49. Besides, he’s met my sister and I’ve discussed him meeting my daughter, which he seems receptive to, but he has never discussed my meeting his son, except for the one time suggestion that my daughter could stay with his son while we go out. He says his babymama would be upset and give him a hard time if she knew about us.
I’m thinking I should forfeit the Friday night date in a way to encourage better communication between dates, not worse.
What do you suggest? Thanks!

Scarlet

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Joined: Sat Feb 04, 2012 3:28 pm

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