[Scarlet]

I’ve been dating a man for 7 months. We are both in our 40’s. I am divorced with one child age 14. He has never been married but has a child age 7 from a previous relationship. I have my child full time. He has his child every other Saturday night. Our pattern has been to have Friday night date night and see each other Saturdays too if he does not have his son. We have been communicating at least every few days. He refuses to text which would greatly increase communication since I have little privacy, so we mostly email. We do talk on the phone occasionally, but I am the one who usually calls him because he says he never knows when my child is with me. I know he’s not married because I have spent a lot of time at his house. After 4 months of dating he told me he’s in love with me and then, after that, we’ve been intimate. We had our usual Friday night date last weekend which went fine and he had his son the next day. He mentioned this Friday night and has been my understanding that we have a date. But then I didn’t hear from between Friday night and last night – 5 days! When I did hear from him, he didn’t even mention not having contacted me for 5 days. Instead, he invited me for a Friday night consisting of dinner at a fancy restaurant followed by, conveniently, homemade dessert. The dessert offer was followed by ahem, romantic suggestions.
I had actually begun to worry that he had vanished and do not want this to become the status quo of our communication between dates. I am concerned that if I just play along that’s what will happen, particularly since I’ve always been concerned about his potential for commitment-phobia as a never married man, age 49. Besides, he’s met my sister and I’ve discussed him meeting my daughter, which he seems receptive to, but he has never discussed my meeting his son, except for the one time suggestion that my daughter could stay with his son while we go out. He says his babymama would be upset and give him a hard time if she knew about us.
I’m thinking I should forfeit the Friday night date in a way to encourage better communication between dates, not worse.
What do you suggest? Thanks!

[Scarlet]

Sure, of course, I appreciate all the help I can get 🙂. I’m not sure which one was first though and only know the password for one other. Is there a particular one you want me to reply to? I hope it’s the one where I know the password 🙂

[Scarlet]

New guy and I have a second date scheduled for a concert in a few weeks. In the meantime, however, he sent me an email this morning inviting me out for dinner and a movie tonight. He apologized for the last minute nature if the invitation, saying he thought he’d have his son this weekend, but just found out that he’s sick. He also added tomorrow afternoon as an option.

My sister says decline tonight and accept tomorrow. Tomorrow is difficult but tonight is not. I asked her about saying my daughter got a last minute sleepover invite -she says no.

What do you think I should do? This is the same guy with the strange after first date email.

Thanks!

[Scarlet]

Hey thanks – what should I say?

[Scarlet]

Thanks for your feedback.

If we were to see each other in person, it would require communication in advance to set something up. In that situation, should I wait to see if he sends me a third email suggesting that we see each other in person, or respond to his second e-mail in which he hinted that he wanted to hear from me?

If I were to respond to his second e-mail or a possible e-mail #3, what would I say?

Thanks!

[Scarlet]

I just couldn’t resist. I wanted to ask “Why don’t you do something about it then?” but that seemed a little critical and harsh, so I softened it a little and sent the following:

LAST NIGHT ABOUT 8PM
FROM ME TO HIM

I’m just curious – why does (nickname for him) mention being with (his nickname for me), but not make plans to do so like he did before? 🙂

This morning at 8am
FROM HIM TO ME
How far is (ANOTHER CITY) from (MY CITY)?

This morning at 10am
FROM me to him
Between 3.5 – 4 hours and about 250 miles. Why do you ask?

This afternoon at 3
FROM HIM TO ME

I want to go to the (activity in other city) with you. How about we plan a trip to (to the other city) in Mar?

You know (that other city) better than me. I was thinking about going to (other activity and yet another) also. What is your advice?
******************************************************

I’m all into destination weekends, but I don’t want to be just a tourist attraction either. All would be cool if he would first establish that it is my company, not the entertainment, that is the point of the trip. He lives 5 hours north of me and this city he is talking about is west, so he’s still traveling to me, but I’d really rather that he visit me again in my city first and start to fly right before going to some other city with him.

How do you think I should respond (assuming you think I should)? Is there a response that would contribute to getting him to fly right?

Thanks!!!!

PS – I think at least one reason I like him more than the two guys who date me regularly is because the way he flirts with me (pet names, etc) creates a chemistry that I don’t get with the others.

Thanks again – I really respect your opinion 🙂

[Scarlet]

Ok, so I continued to not respond. On valentine’s day he sent me a short, one sentence happy valentines day
e-mail. This afternoon (2 days later) he sends me an e-mail saying he would have liked to have spent valentines day with me. (Although of course he never asked – he did the same thing with MLK day)

Now, my knee jerk reaction is to send an e-mail asking “why not do something about it then?”

That would probably show my frustration, right?

I have dates with two different guys this weekend, both of whom show more genuine interest than this guy, but of course, I still like this one. I don’t know why since he seems to be playing games with me, but I do.

Should I continue to ignore, send the e-mail asking why not do something about it, tell him I don’t believe that he’s really interested anymore since he doesn’t actually make plans like he did before, or something else?

Thanks

[Scarlet]

I know you are right and, yes, my heart does need a kick in the pants.

He was the last one to e-mail me. He sent me a couple of flirty e-mails a couple of days ago.

Should I just continue to not respond?

Thanks

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