[April Masini, your AskApril]

I always advice people to keep their options open for the first 6 months of dating. After which they can discuss exclusively dating. But, since he reaffirmed multiple times that he is exclusively dating you, we can address the elephant in the room.

If someone says that they are “exclusively” seeing you, their actions must back it up. Jake’s don’t. You don’t leave dating apps on your phone, and certainly don’t update profile photos if you’re serious about your partner. Dating apps are not Instagram, there is no reason to ‘just browse.’

It’s not so much what he says but what he does. Actions speak louder than words, and his say he’s leaving the door open.

You don’t need to threaten to leave, if deleting the apps out of respect for the relationship hasn’t occurred to him already, that tells you everything you need to know.

He doesn’t respect you, and odds are he isn’t being loyal, either. Don’t waste time trying to make a man something he’s already showing you he cannot be. Run, he is not who you want to date exclusively.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You are right. When someone tells their partner they need space, it’s often because they don’t want to be with you fully, but they also don’t want to lose you completely. They’re unsure of their feelings, so they keep you close enough to come back if they change their mind. It’s less about needing space and more about keeping options open. Now, it’s left to you. Do you wanna be the nice guy they fall back to, when things don’t work out with the bad guys? Or do you want to be the person who values themselves enough to walk away when someone can’t choose you fully? You can either wait around, hoping they’ll come back, or you can move on and make space for someone who actually values yo and would always pick you

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You don’t owe anyone romantic or personal interest just because they’re helping your career. The important move here is to shut down the flirting firmly, but in a way that doesn’t create unnecessary drama. For example, if he sends you a text that feels too personal, you don’t need to get drawn into it, just reply with something work-focused, like shifting straight to schedules. That way you’re not giving him fuel to keep going.

If it gets to the point where you feel you need to address it directly, keep it respectful but clear: something like, “I really value how you’ve been steering my career, and I want to keep our relationship focused on that. That’s where I feel comfortable.” You’re reminding him that you respect his work while drawing the line.

And in the background, it’s smart to quietly start building other professional connections. That way, if he doesn’t take it well and tries to make things difficult, you’ve got options and you’re not trapped. A good manager should want what’s best for you, and if he can’t respect boundaries, then ultimately he’s not the right person to be guiding your career anyway.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

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[April Masini, your AskApril]

Yes, it does sound like he’s feeling insecure. The best thing you can do is to sit down with him and have an open, heartfelt conversation, let him know how much you care and reassure him of your faithfulness. Sometimes a little honest communication is enough to ease those doubts. But if you’ve tried that and he still refuses to trust you, then it may be time to be very clear: either he works on building that trust, or the relationship won’t be able to move forward. The foundation of a relationship is trust.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I can tell this woman meant a lot to you. It’s so touching that after all this time you still think of her so fondly. But now she’s married, and that really changes things. Since you don’t want to be the guy who interferes in someone else’s relationship and good for you on that, the best way forward is to accept that this chapter has closed.

That doesn’t mean you’ll never feel this way again, it just means that this particular opportunity has passed. Sometimes we look back and wonder if we missed our “one shot,” but the truth is, life gives us more than one chance at love. The fact that you felt so strongly about her shows you’re capable of that depth again. 💕

So what should you do? Be kind to yourself, let yourself feel a little sad, and then start opening up to new possibilities. Try meeting new people, stay busy with things you enjoy, and keep your heart open. Love has a funny way of showing up when you least expect it.

I hope that helps! 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

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[April Masini, your AskApril]

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[April Masini, your AskApril]

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[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your instincts are good, and you are correct. She’s dating other men and she doesn’t really want you to know about it. That’s why she blocked you from social media — so you wouldn’t see her shenanigans there. I’m sorry you are disappointed and that she used you. The good news is that you’re finally coming around to seeing that she is not someone who cares about you any more. She’s using you and she’s treating you poorly. I don’t think you should get back together with her. You deserve more than what you’ve got with her. So, end this in a way that allows you to disengage and move on. Don’t lend her money. Don’t engage with her on social media. And don’t get together with her any more. You’ve spent too much time with someone who doesn’t appreciate you. You deserve better — and you can get better. 😉

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re only as stuck in a loop as you choose to be. More likely, you’re simply disappointed. You had a reunion with an old boyfriend and it isn’t playing out the way you want it to. You can hang in there and try to wait and see if he changes his mind. You can flirt with him to try and entice him to do so. You can be the aggressor and make things happen because of your own will. But the bottom line is that he’s just interested in the same thing you are at this time. And that’s why people say that timing is everything. Whether or not the two of you had a connection or feel a spark or crazy chemistry, if one of you is not ready or interested in the same thing that the other person is, if you don’t feel these emotions at the same time, then you’re not going to be able to move forward with the relationship. That’s what’s happening here. You mentioned that he has a lot going on in his life and isn’t ready for a relationship right now. That’s legit, and he’s being straight up with you. Don’t make yourself crazy by trying to twist that or ignore it. As for the fact that you feel guilty about breaking up with him years ago, it’s time for you to move past your guilt. It sounds like your reasons for the breakup were also valid at the time. You were young and not ready for a relationship. I’m sure that anyone reading this can understand that. Forgive yourself, so you can move past that. For now, I think you should be flirty and enticing when possible, but let him be the aggressor and if and when he’s ready for you, you can decide if you want in. But for now, you have to readjust and accept what he’s telling you. I hope that helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Before you can be in a relationship, you have to take care of yourself. If you don’t, the work you have [i]not[/i] done on yourself, is going to show up in any relationship you get into. That’s what happened here. You let your own feelings lead your behavior, and you acted in ways that were socially inappropriate. For instance, you crossed a boundary by calling the mother of this woman — when you’ve never even met her, and you have only been dating her daughter for a month. For anyone peering into this relationship, what you did was throw up a red relationship flag that shows that you’ve got boundary issues. It sounds like, in addition, this woman’s losses triggered feelings in you that created an emotional spiral that you were not well able to control. Bottom line: You have some work to do on yourself. If you want to be in a relationship with someone else, you have to take care of you, first.

I don’t think this relationship is something you should focus on right now. You’re not ready. And if you try to, it’s going to blow up worse than it has. For instance, if something in her life triggers you again, you haven’t done the work to deal with that dynamic. So before you get back to dating, you need to take care of your mental health, your physical health and your social health, first and foremost. When you do, and are further along in that process, you can try again — either with this woman or someone else.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Hi Daniel! The answer to your question is simple: It’s inappropriate to go behind your wife’s back to tell a man that it’s okay if he dates her. Your wife’s social life, if the two of you are separated and heading for divorce, is not really your business — even if you mean well. Your intervening appears to be meddling. It can also be seen as controlling. And, it is going to complicate an already complicated situation: you’re married and living together — but separated and heading towards divorce. I know you think that’s a simple lifestyle, but it’s actually not. If you don’t realize that now, you will — buckle up! Instead, my advice is to focus on your relationship with wife. If you want to divorced, then get divorced. Start by separating physically and not living together — even if you both have to move in with friends or relatives to make the separation work. Then, start the legal process. The longer you wait to do these two things, the more complicated your lives will be. I hope that helps.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

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