Hey April,
My boyfriend and I started dating in mid-June of this year. About a month before we started dating, he kissed me and we started being more than friends. However, his ex was still chasing after him and trying to get back together with him. I felt terrible for her and even encouraged him to talk to her when he was ignoring her. She asked him for a ring and he gave it to her without telling me and we had a very long talk about it. Despite that, I still felt bad for her and didn’t tell her to back off or anything. Last month, I found out that when he kissed me, he was actually still with her. That month we were more than friends, he was actually still with her. He cheated on her with me. I couldn’t handle this and broke down crying and having temper tantrums at him. Despite my temper tantrums, he tried his best to keep me together and keep us together, so I tried my best to forgive him. I even talked to his ex about it to straighten everything out, but I’m the type of person to hang onto the past and I just couldn’t get over it without reading the messages they sent to each other during that time period to clarify everything for myself. I started reading their skype messages, but he deleted them and there was no way to recover them. I tried to get over that, but yesterday I couldn’t help myself and started to read their texts to each other from that time period. After he kissed me, he still acted so loving and caring towards her. He told her that he loves her more than anything and I just can’t get that out of my head. Even after they broke up, he still told her that he cares for her a lot. She kept telling him that she loves him and calling him “dear” and he just let her even after we were together. I know he left her to be with me, but I can’t help thinking about all the lies and all the pain. I can’t help feeling like I was being used, like I was a back up or a toy to be played around with. I don’t know how I can trust him when he tells me he loves me or misses me or when he cares for me. How am I supposed to know that it’s genuine? She thought everything was fine right before they broke up. I keep thinking: How do I know the same isn’t going to happen to me? I’m so paranoid now. I don’t know what to do with myself and I don’t know how to handle everything. What should I do, April?
Thanks.
