[girlygirl19]

Here we go again. The ex boyfriend keeps contacting me. At first it was all about sex and what he would desire, then suddenly about 3 weeks ago he mentioned being friends and connecting again. He contacted me in July, then blocked me, although I was only attempting to respond back to a message he had previously sent. Then, he emailed me again in November, wanting to further a sexual tryst with me, and now earlier this month he all of a sudden mentions how he thinks I’m beautiful and great and wants to connect again. What the heck is he doing. When I simply responded to his message it apparently did not go through and I realized I had been blocked. Now why would I care about this guy? I do not necessarily and have come to realize that the only thing he had going for himself were his looks. However, what guy constantly contacts you then blocks you suddenly on two occasions. Here’s a hint, don’t contact me at all.

I myself am a bit of a nosy person so I am always wondering why people I haven’t spoken to in forever are contacting me, even if I don’t speak to them anymore. Is this something exes do? Or is this his way or seeing if I have moved on or not because fortunately I am seeing a much better gentleman. I just don’t understand if one has been supposedly “hurt so badly” by me, why bother contacting me regardless of the reason? Unless he couldn’t find any women who’d be up for a fling with him so he thought I would actually say yes? Is he trying to have his cake and eat it too?

[girlygirl19]

Hello April! Its been a while since I have been here. Unfortunately I am currently in a situation I feel i have the answers to, but wanted someone else’s opinion and advice to.

So I met this guy (he’s 22 and I’m 20), who is pretty chill and laid back and down to earth. When we hang out, it’s almost like we’re best friends because of the chemistry and how comfortable and open and honest we are to each other. The first time he spent the night, we tried having sex but neither one of us were turn on (and even foreplay was included). He wanted to cuddle with me to sleep and spent the night thereafter. A week later when we had a talk about it, he said I have a cute face and that he wasn’t so attracted to my body. It was a bit harsh to me, however I appreciated his honesty. I told him I found him attractive, but was not sexually turned on by him. So another week goes by and we walk around the park and chat. We have spent several nights walking and talking and just sitting on a bench in the park, but we have spent one or two days out during the day before. Ever since the first night he spent at my place, we only cuddle at night. If we are “friends” and platonic ones at that, then why cuddle me to sleep at night if you’re not going to kiss me or try to have sex with me again. This past weekend he came and spent the night again and we cuddled and talked until I fell asleep. I have been going to the gym recently and he mentioned my butt looking different (in a good way) and my stomach looking smaller (I’m not skinny or thin and a bit chubby but I am very tall). He gave my body so much attention that night and almost seemed as if he was dry humping me from behind hehe. I swear I could even feel an erection rubbed against my butt. The next day after he left my place he messaged me, like he always does after 24 hours of seeing each other to see how my day was. I asked him about the reason he was all over me and he said he really likes my butt and can tell the difference after I have been working out and also that he probably gave more attention to my stomach than anyone. I also remember us talking about different things and I was reluctant to answer a question and he could tell and told me that I shouldn’t worry about what he thinks because he has no standards (exactly what he said).

So as “friends”, well we haven’t really discussed this as anything, but I felt that from our conversations and lack of sexual attraction that we are just friends, however friends don’t cuddle with other friends. And the only time we ever kissed was the first time he spent the night and even that was a failure. However I became horny the other night when he touched my body all over as well as he (unless i’m losing it and I didn’t really feel an erection at all).

Do I bring up my thoughts and feeling on this matter? Or leave it b and let nature take its course.

I do feel that I am letting him call all the shots but allowing him to do this, its not that I don’t like it, it’s just that I do not think it is right for us to be doing this if we are only friends. Out of all the guys I’ve ever talked to or dated, this is something that’s never happened to me before. Am I over analyzing or over reacting? It’s just very odd to me.

[girlygirl19]

Thank you so much! Yes I am totally angry for not trusting my instincts and wasting my time and energy. I have been keeping myself busy and hanging out with friends. You’re right, women and men cannot be friends. It’s funny though because when we were dating, we broke up at least two other times and both times he gave me this silent treatment and next thing you know we were bad together a week or two later. Even my friends think because of his past behavior, he will probably contact me.
While I was thinking about it often, it has completely left my mind. I know I will meet someone in the future who is right for me. I also had problems with the fact that he doesn’t work or go to school and lives off of his uncle and is 22 years old. While I have a job and go to school full time. Not that every guy I date has to do what I do, but it is nice to know that your bf is capable of being an adult and providing for yourself somewhat.

[girlygirl19]

Hello all!
It’s been a while since I’ve posted on here. I would like to hear some opinions of others and maybe even any suggestions. My very first boyfriend (who I mentioned in the very first post back in december) contacted me last week. He wanted to remain friends and while I was not really agreeable with that I said fine (knowing we would never really see each other again). Then a few days later he realized he really missed me. He said he had changed a few of his habits, was working on his anger, bettering his future and trying to be a better boyfriend. While I do realize I was desperate and lonely at the time I was with him, I cannot see to move on from him. When we spoke in person last week, he asked if I had slept with any other guys and while i could have lied and said no, I decided to be honest (and he knew exactly what he was getting himself into) and I said yes. He suddenly got up and walked out the room. I left and that was the end of it. I have not heard from him and send a message the following day to see how he was. Yes you all may say that I am crazy for even going to speak with him, but it is very hard to let go when I really did care for this man. Once he contacted me and said he missed me, those feelings came back all over agin. I guess I liked the idea of being wanted, I don’t really know. What I do know is that I do truly love him. I do not like ending things on bad terms and tried to be cordial and mature about this but now he will not answer my texts or emails. I haven’t tried calling because he probably won’t even pick up the phone. Forget him right? And since when does an ex girlfriend have to spend 4 months grieving over a breakup, by not having any involvement with other men. What I do when I am single is my business and we broke up with no guarantee of getting back together so why is he mad? How do I handle this situation?

[girlygirl19]

Sorry about that! 🙂

I met a guy over a month ago. We got along great. Although I am 20 and he’s is 26, our age is not a problem for him and I. We have gone out three times only, and communicated on several occasions when he was working and I was busy as well. We both are looking for a relationship and he has emphasized his interests, likes and attraction towards me. It has gotten to the point where he even made a mental note of remembering which days I am available to hang out and at what times. He works long hours usually from 9am to 7 or 8 pm but still managed to see me and says that it is all worth it when we hang out, no matter how late he may get home. (he commutes 90 min to and from work to get home by the train). Its to the point where yesterday he told his boss (who has been on his back lately) that he had to meet someone very important, which he was referring to me, and thats why he was able to leave work an hour early. If you don’t really like someone or that person so much or do not think they are that important to get your boss to allow to leave work early, which is rare, then why do it? He cam to my place, we talked, we had sex. But I have improved myself from last year. I vowed only to have sex with someone I felt I would feel a connection with or felt that it may move forward into something else. H e enjoyed his time with me last night and prior to yesterday, he always mentioned that he was not just looking for sex, but that sex was an important aspect in a relationship (so he wanted to know a bit about my sexual tendencies) which I also agree with him.

However, he called me later on that night and said that he feels because of his busy work schedule, we should only remain friends. I just feel like he knew how busy he was when he met me and where I lived compared to him, so why is it now he decides we should only be friends. He also says he does not want to give me false hope, which he would be doing more so if we were only to remain friends because I had already caught feelings for him (way before the sex ever occurred last night) and for me I am not comfortable with remaining friends with someone I have feelings for (which is why I do not have any of them left in my life).

Its just that in a way I feel that he also wasted both his and my time if this is what it has come to. About the false hope, he says he doesn’t want to ruin or hurt my feeling because he cannot always guarantee that we will hang out when we plan to. I understand completely his schedule and that he is a busy man and has priorities, just like my schooling and part time job are, but this would not be a problem for me. I have many friends and have seen many people are in relationships with someone who is just as busy as us and are in a relationship or still dating or “talking” I should say.

my friend (who happens to be the same age as me) is in a relationship with someone ten years older than her, who lives two hours upstate. They at times may only see each other once a week or only on the weekends, but they are content with that. My former roommate from last year has also been with someone for four years now and they are five years apart. They lived an hour or so apart. He has graduated college and is currently employed while she is still in college. They managed to see each other on the weekends and if not, they would spend at least one day or a few hours together during the week. Of course we are not together, but I just wanted to mention that this availability issue can most definitely work and that with my complete understanding,that he would not be hurting me by not always being able to see me. However, if it is more of a strain on him due to the long hours at work, then I totally understand. But I would rather not remain friends after what has happened and what I felt could have happened. I feel as if I would be holding on to lost hope more so if we remained friends rather than if we tried and continued this romantically.

Do I sound selfish? It’s just that why should I remain friends with him if we were never started out as friends in the first place. For me its either all or nothing, (and by that i mean, we continue what we have been doing as far as talking or dating goes). We have pretty much shared all we can about each other and he has at times said he was excited to see me and would rather spend time with me than anything else.

Any thoughts or suggestions?

[girlygirl19]

Maybe I just need some time to myself and rebuild my confidence.

[girlygirl19]

Little update, I am doing great and although I spent a bit of time thinking about this relationship, I did move on and have been hanging out with friends and staying busy and what not. Hope you had a great Christmas and have a great New Year by the way 🙂

I have now unfortunately got another problem that I just cannot seem to figure out fully. There is a guy I have known since my senior year of high school. We talked or dated for three months during school (whatever you wanna call it). He was a virgin and I was not. We had gotten so close to having sex until he decided not to continue. (Clothes were literally all off) . This was maybe 2 months after we both started talking.

We had mutual feelings for each other and it was obvious that he liked me. However he would always back out of sex after that. He said that he felt like he would be a bad partner and because he was catholic he didn’t feel it was right and that he was lying to his parents about where he was when he was at my house. (His mother was my guidance counselor by the way). Eventually we broke up or stopped speaking with each other so to speak because he felt that it was pointless to date me if I was going to be far away. He didn’t want a ldr.

However every time I was away he always contacted me first. When I went to college he would text me. If he heard about something bad whether it be a murder, weather issue or anything that may have harmed someone in the city, he contacted me to see if I was okay. Friends can totally do that, but not when their conversations lead to the topic of sex. He would suddenly jump from one topic to sex. When I came home he would talk the talk about having sex with me but never did anything when we hung out. I gave him an ultimatum and said that we are either strictly friends or in a relationship or nothing at all. He wanted to remain friends but still years later and he still acts the same way. So I just ignore him once he starts to talk about sex with me.

I don’t get it. One minute he will sound all concerned and caring then the next it’s all about having sex with me then the next it’s us hanging out and him not doing anything.

I know I contribute to this ridiculousness but he is actually a really nice guy with a good head on his shoulders. I just don’t know why he keeps doing this. He recently told me that he will only have sex if he’s in a relationship and I told him ‘why are you doing this then if we are not or will not be dating.’

He would not answer and only apologized. But now as I speak he is messaging me about sex again and I am intentionally ignoring his questions and remarks by stating random things and fact but he is still at it. I just don’t get it, I know I probably should have dropped this guy after I moved away, but he really is a nice guy and although I would feel bad it would be a sigh of relief to go without being spoken to like a sexual object. I have ignored him many times before though and he will still message me.

What should I do? I just don’t understand how hard it is to be platonic friends. He says he doesn’t want to lose me as a friend but he keeps doing this. He will literally talk about sex and I will just respond with a completely irrelevant sentence. Does he not get the hint? How do I handle this. Also he finally lost his virginity to another girl 3 months after we stopped talking who was physically similar to me and had a sexual past like mines (wasn’t a virgin and was experienced).

Does he really just only think of me as a sexual object or do you think There is something more that keeps him acting the way he does and say the things he says, or is it because of my actions and how I am handling it?

[girlygirl19]

Thank you both very much! I have not contacted him anymore and am moving on.

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