[jazmin]

I could not agree with you any more!

After much thought, I chose not to wear anything that would appeal to him. Just wore a ivory cashmere turtleneck, a pair of dressy skinny pants, and, the “piece de resistance” my 4.5-inch heel boots. I also made a point of completely ignoring him, not making any eye contact with him, and reading the news and responding to emails on my smartphone. He just is no longer worth the effort.

He noticed and was quite upset. So, he once again bumped into my chair 8 times and continually made reference to the suggestions that I had provided him. He also try to engage in a discussion that I had no interest to be part of in view of all that has transpired. As this was a rather lengthy meeting, he suggested that we take a 15-minute coffee break. As we are both smokers and there is only one designated smoking area, I figured, why not, I will join him and strike up a conversation about the project. Apparently, I think too much out of the box and I do not know how to do my job! No, I am not joking. I, the one who approves the proposal and the one who is responsible for its execution, am an imbecile. I don’t know why he lashed out at me in such a matter, but whatever the reason, it was neither the time nor the place to tell him off. He kindly waited for me to finish my cigarette, opened all four doors for me (perhaps in fear that I would have slammed them on him 😉 ), and wanted to take the elevator. Apparently, women have not mastered walkung in heels! Anywway, I quickly disspelled that myth by running up three flights of stairs!

After the meeting ended, he asked me to submit my findings to him a week before he would require the data, because it suits his schedule. Remember ultimately it is my rear on the line if deadlines are not me. So, I told him that I would do the best that I could. After all, if my work is not deemed suitable to him, why does he need it in such a rush!

Since he has become a know-it-all and has never managed to hold an upper-level management position (most likely due to his status quo nature), I proposed that he take on a project overseas with one of our partner firms; no one wanted to go because of family and time commitments. My colleagues agreed and ultimately so did he. As per his colleagues, his ego was far too much handle and they too needed a break from him.

In retrospect, he never came across as pompous towards me for he knew that I have no tolerance and appreciation for such people. He made every effort possible to fit me in his schedule and to see me. However, I am more than a piece of eye candy, I ama person as are all women. Although I will perhaps never know why he chose not to ask me out, I believe that it came down to a question of stature. I am more successful and have earned much recognition for my work, more than he will ever achieve. Henxe, this is where I strongly believe that he failed as a man. Instead of seeing the possibility of building a great personal and professional relationship, he would rather be with a woman that he can continually impress and educate.

He is leaving the country at the end of May and will return in August. I guess his coworkers and I will be having a party! But what still ceases to perplex me, is that every single aspect of his body language screams I want her, yet he never thought of giving us a chance.

Thanks again,

Jaz

[jazmin]

Goodness no, I would not lash out at you. I appreciate your candor and would not expect anything less.

Indeed, I am a bit peeved at him. Everyone with whom I work, as well as my friends, know that I expect them to be straightforward, honest and sincere with me, regardless of the subject matter. He, on the other hand, chooses to annoy the living daylights out of me by not doing so. If he does not want a relationship, fine. If he wants to tell me off, I won’t hold it against him either. If he has been scorned by his divorce, I understand that too. All I want is to know where I stand!

I did read your book. So, when I said that my outfit will make him squirm, it was in a literal and not vengeful sense. The week before last, I wore a silk off-the-shoulder blouse and dress pants along with pair of stilettos. He was not able to look at me once. Instead, whenever he walked by me, he would not brush, but bump my chair. In fact, I was so pressed up against the table that I was surprised that I could actually breathe! My co-workers are as perplexed with his behavior as I am. In fact, they were all wondering why he was, for a lack of a better term, assaulting me. Being the way that I am, I explained that he was nervous and overwhelmed and most likely did not realize what he was doing. I know, it’s lame, but he really is a great guy — and a good worker too — and he’s starting to get a bad rep from my team, which he does not deserve. Also, if you want a good laugh, he tripped over my foot!

I typically get what I want and fight for it, long and hard. So, I’ll give him another chance next week and take it from there.

Thanks again,

Jaz

[jazmin]

Frankly, I don’t see why he would see me as desperate. To begin, he insisted vehemently that I meet with him. There was not any need to do so, nonetheless, I did not want to disappoint him. He suggested that we meet on Monday. I was on the road all and nowhere near the office. I would been insane to cancel all of my appointments for a half-hour meeting and drive over 100 miles to and from the office. He understood that I was not available and proposed another time. I don’t know, maybe his plans were thwarted by some other commitments; I don’t know nor do I care to speculate.

Moreover, I do not instigate any communication; I leave it up him. If he does not reply in a timely matter, I don’t bother writing a follow up email or calling him. He knows that I have a very active life and seeing all the time that I have spent with him and his requests, he knows that my hectic schedule does not preclude any time with him.

What drives me even more batty is that I get along much better with men than I do with women. I was never a girly girl, however, I have a great sense of style! Anyway, men have always been candid with me; those that are shy take a bit more time to approach me, considering my very forthright and boisterous nature. Still, they all know that deep down inside, I am a kind and warm-hearted person. So, I just don’t get this guy; neither do my co-workers. They see that he is interested in me and yet he chooses to play this “hot and cold” game. Regardless, we have another meeting soon, so I will dress up to the point that will make him squirm; heels make his nervous too! Perhaps this will put and end to his peculiar behavior.

Finally, I took the last two days off of work; I had some vacation time left. So, yesterday, out of the blue, I received an email from him, asking for a missing case brief. He knew that I was working on it, since we spoke of it on Tuesday, and that it was in my possession. I did not run to his beckon call; I left it with my secretary this morning. I just don’t get it. Men, can’t live with them, can’t live without them!

Can you make any sense of this ridiculousness?

Thanks,

Jazmin

[jazmin]

The book came in earlier today and I just finished reading it. Your views are insightful and you have provided me with a few more trick to try on him.

Anyway, he is driving me mad. I believe that he is doing this intentionally as he has done this to me beforehand. I was on my way to my office and ran into him; he winked. He was aware that I noticed; however, I was in no position to respond as my subordinates were nearby and noticed and would question why I was suddenly smiling like a 13-year-old giddy girl. So, I met with him again yesterday under the pretence that I did not understand certain elements of his marketing plan. He was somewhat cold from the get go. I don’t know whether he was stressed or not, but I did not want to go there as he did not seem to interested in talking about his day. After all, he proposed that we meet at noon — and no, he did not bother to ask to hold the meeting over lunch. However, contrary to the previous time that we met, he was not nervous, went to his barber, and looked more dapper than usual — I regret not wearing my 4-inch heels, but the weather was really crappy and with all the mud and rain, I did not feel like ruining my shoes. Hence, short of appearing completely nude in front of him, could you give me one piece of advice on how to make him crack? Indeed, the color of one’s clothing can have an impact, and goodness only knows I have been more than patient and understanding with him (and I know he appreciates it), but quite frankly, I don’t want to be wasting my time. I have been in bad relationships in the past, still they have not deterred me from seeking another mate. Moreover, as most people will tell you, I am a kind, easy going, and sympathetic person and all that I want is a straightforward response. If he does not care to pursue a relationship, all that I want from him is to say so. I don’t see why he would think that I would not understand this as I have understood everything else under the sun.

Thanks again for help and I hope that you will consider writing a follow up to Think and Date Like a Man.

[jazmin]

Thanks for the advice, I did not.

As for our meeting, he did not look at me once. He spent one talking about everything under the sun while wiggling in his chair, playing with his keys and pens, looking all around his office, and running his fingers through his hair, while I continually kept my focus on him. I did not say much and just let him talk because he was far too nervous and I did not want take him out of his comfort zone. He asked to see me, in his office, again this week. Hopefully, he will muster up the strength to ask me to go out for a coffee.

Thanks again,

Jaz

[jazmin]

I ordered your book and it should be receiving it next week. So, I was hoping that you could give me one more piece of advice.

I followed your advice to the letter. Flirted with him extensively. The week before last, I finally had the opportunity to meet with him in his office to talk about work. We spend over an hour and a half talking and laughing, and just had a good time. The following week, during one of our group meetings, I noticed that he was avoiding me. He would not even dare initiate any eye contact, but kept on bumping into my chair like a cat that brushes up someone’s leg! Anyway, there were a few concerns that needed to be addressed regarding his presentation. So, I asked him to set up another meeting. Nearly a week later, he decided to reply. Not professional, I know, but I did not want to push him. I saw him today and, again, he seemed to be avoiding me. It seemed like he tried to say something, but did not — he must think that I am fuming for I have an entire night’s work ahead of me. I did not want to say anything either and let bygones be bygones. At any rate, I am seeing him tomorrow. Should I ask him about his behavior? If not, what should I do next.

Thanks again,

Jasmin

[jazmin]

Sorry for not posting sooner; I had the flu.

Indeed, I will definitely buy the book. In the meantime, let me give you an update.

Last week, he asked to meet with various people and stated his availability. He penciled me in for 5:30 p.m. today; the time at which very few, if any, folks are around. So, I was happy as I would finally have the opportunity to talk with him extensively.

Earlier today, before he met with each of us, he presented his market research. He bumped into my chair not once, twice, or three times, but five times! He also mentioned my name another dozen! In response, I flirted with him (laughed at his jokes, flipped my hair, tried to establish and maintain eye contact, rubbed my neck, etc). So, you think that things were going well, right?

Well, he forgot one of his USB flash drives (with the statistics) in his office; he realized this an hour into his presentation. So, we waited 15 minutes for him to get back. Finally, he arrives and places the drive in the slot with his right hand sporting a hideous black ring on his ring finger! I now he’s not married; in fact, he’s divorced. And he has never mentioned a girlfriend; he’s actually looking into getting a cat! Yes, he’s the soft and sensitive type. Moreover, later I show up at his office at 5:30 p.m. hoping to have a minute or two to talk about other things than work. Well, we had a pleasant conversation; laughed, joked, and teased one another a bit; and then, at 6 p.m. he asks me to wrap things up because he has another meeting! I understand he may want to take things slow and thought we had a chance at starting something. I also agree that he should be doing the chasing, because, quite frankly, the jealously and “come at get me” bits really turn me off! I’ll focus on work for now and when I see him, depending on whether or not he’s wearing that ludicrous black engagement/wedding band, I’ll take it from there.

Thanks again for providing us hopefuls a place to rant,

Jasmin

[jazmin]

Thank you for your wonderful insights and the much needed help!

Just a quick update… One of his colleagues gave me one of his proposals to review and asked me to schedule a meeting with him to discuss my findings. Seeing that the task was very straight forward, I completed it within a day and asked my secretary to schedule a meeting with him. He chewed her out as he did not understand how I was able to complete the task so fast. Anyway, we’re stressed enough as it is here and before my secretary would let him have it, I wrote back to him, explaining that I completed my review but needed some help with the raw data to prepare my final report. So, as he is overwhelmed by other projects (which I know he is; he’s had a hard time adjusting to our corporate climate and the workload), I told him that I would do the best to complete the report on my own and will meet him at a later time. I know that it will make him feel bad as he is trying really hard to fit in, but at the same time, perhaps he will see that I am a kind enough person who understands and will give him the space he needs.

Wishing you continued success,

Jasmin

[jazmin]

Thanks for your response.

I am very professional at work, even overly professional at times; so, I hope he does not get turned off by this. Anyways, we have another meeting in two weeks. I will email him about it and see what he will do next. Why can’t men simply approach a woman, talk to her, and have a cup of coffee with her to see whether she is relationship material? Sadly, this chase resembles a game; at times I feel like a contestant on Survivor! Is it too much to ask for a man who is sincere, genuine, and straightforward?

Thanks again,

Jasmin

[Member]

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