[mmiller5373]

Thanks for all the help, April. Just wanted to mention one last thing. Yesterday I came across some pictures of her that a mutual friend showed me. It’s pictures of her romantically kissing a guy. All I can say is that her and I never took pictures like these. These pictures were taken back in Mid-September. This leads me to believe that this guy was there all along and pretty much swept in while we were having trouble. It really explains everything now. Why she wouldn’t talk. Why she ignored me. Why she convinced her family members stuff about me that isn’t true. I guess she was afraid I would find out about this guy and flip out. I don’t know. I’m hurting now, but finally starting to get some closure as now I know why she acted the way she did. I know there is nothing I can do now because I pushed her into his arms. I need to move on and find someone better for me.

[mmiller5373]

Got some good news and bad news.

The good news is that I got a job back where I use to live. The job is in my field, it’s exactly what I went to school for. I’ll be moving back there at the end of the month, so no more living with the mother. 😀 The past few months have been really tough on me because I was unemployed, living with my mother, and in a new city, without friends around. And the one person I thought was there for me, wasn’t there for me. I was pretty much lifeless. All I could focus on was the breakup.

The bad news is that I texted the ex about 2 weeks ago to inform her about the job. Didn’t hear from her. A few days later, sent her a text to apologize for my behavior over the past few months. Told her I still care for her and would like to try to be friends. No reply. A couple of days ago, I sent her another text to tell her I’m moving back. No response. I really thought giving her some time to herself would open up the communication lines a bit, but she’s still choosing to ignore me. I guess she has moved on. It hurts. But there’s nothing I can do. I need to move on with my life. I’ve dated lots of women before, but this one was special to me. I blew it. Totally blew it. I acted so clingy over the past few months and made matters worse. It’s just been a rough time for me. I probably deserve better anyways. She broke up with me during one of the worse stages in my life. It shattered me.

[mmiller5373]

Well, I guess things with her are over for good now. I guess my desperation and neediness after the breakup really pushed her away. I was back in town this weekend and decided to go and see her (yeah, I know, a bad idea). It had been about 3-4 weeks since I’ve seen her/talked with her, and I was feeling really anxious about things. I wanted to speak with her about things to get some closure. I went to her house and knocked on her door. Nobody answered. Went back to my car and called her, still no answer. About 5 minutes later, her brother-in-law (who’s American and lives with her, her mom, brother, his wife…) walked over to my car and said he had a heart to heart with her the night before and that she’s completely freaked out by me. He said she’s afraid of me. Her and her mom are paranoid that I’m going to get their family deported and sent back to Mexico.

He knows me pretty well and knows that I’m not that kind of person. He knows I would never settle to that. We’ve always been close. Apparently, she told him a story about a fight the two of us had, though she left out her end of the fight, making it seem like I was the bad one. It’s almost like she’s creating reasons for why she shouldn’t be with me and almost trying to get her family to dislike me too. He doesn’t understand why their family is like that, but he tried to explain that things are different for them living in a new country and they are probably interpreting things differently than anyone else would. He said they are pretty paranoid about things. He told me to give it some more time, to leave her alone, and that I could call him every so often to check on them all. He said he believes that she wants to do what she wants to do right now and that someday she will realize that she made a huge mistake. By then, hopefully I will have moved on with my life.

Really seems like he understands what I’m going through and that he’s on my side. He knows how she is and he told me that I deserve better than her anyways. She’s kind of an outcast from everyone else in the family.

I have no idea where all of this is coming from. I never threatened her. Never gave her an ultimatum. Just told her how much I loved her and how things would change this time.

We both think that one of her friends (or a new guy in her life) was seeing how much I was calling her after the breakup and that they planted that idea in her head; that something was wrong with me and she should be afraid.

Still searching for a job, but having no luck. Even looking for bartending /server jobs. Still doing good with the weight loss too.

[mmiller5373]

Figured I’d post a status update. Since moving, I’ve lost 20 lbs and dropped 7% body fat. So things are looking up on my end of things. Feeling a lot more confident, though I need to lose a good 15-25 more lbs to be back in good shape.

Also, I haven’t contacted my ex [u]at all[/u] in over a week. This weekend I went back home (same city where she lives) to go to my cousin’s engagement party and other various wedding activities. I took a lot of pictures of me hanging out with my friends. Nothing crazy. No pictures of me hanging all over other girls or anything like that. I uploaded these pictures to Facebook and within 15 minutes of uploading them, she deleted me as a facebook friend. I’m doing my best to try and not let that bother me. I’m going to leave the matter alone. Just seems a little immature I guess.

[mmiller5373]

Yeah. I totally understand. My confidence has done down and my insecurity up, and I think that factor has caused a lot of problems in our relationship (not to say that she hasn’t done anything wrong, nor has any problems). I need to be alright with myself before I can be okay with her. I want to feel attractive around her. I want to feel good around her.

With all this breakup stuff, I just don’t want to lose her. I hope she doesn’t move on. She seems like she has, though it’s kinda weird considering the middle of August she was sending me text messages about how much she loves me. Do you think her love has disappeared and that she is moving on… or that she was hurt by my recent actions and is convincing herself that she needs to forget about me? Maybe I should just leave her alone for a while? Let her miss me?

[mmiller5373]

Well, I drove all the way back home to visit her yesterday. Waited for her to get off work. We talked for about 2 hours and she made it clear that she never wants to be with me again, that she’s tired of the BS. She wants nothing to do with my mom… At all. She’s said she feels she can’t make me happy. That I always wanted more outta her and at some point in the past month it clicked within her that we’ve had too many problems and it will never work. She said she did all she could but I always wanted her to do more than she was willing to. She said her family respects her decision. I cried and begged and begged, but she wouldn’t budge. She really showed no emotion toward me besides resentment. I left in tears. About 15 mins later she texted my grandmother telling her that things aren’t right and that I just left her house angry and she was worried I would be driving 4 hours angrily and could wreck.

Now the other times she broke up with me she said things will never work too. Time went by and she ended up coming around. What do I need to do to get her back into my life. I’m afraid I’ll lose her forever. She mentioned she will start seeing other people.

[mmiller5373]

Thanks for your help. To answer your question about her being religious, she’s really not. I think the whole sex-when-married thing comes from the way she was raised. Her family is a strict one, full of morals.

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