[seekingadvice1234]

Will do.

[seekingadvice1234]

Hello April,
To make a long story short, I met “Amber” at Starbucks. I left the store but accidentally left my watch on the table. She brought it out to me and that’s how I met her in November. I asked her out to dinner and she accepted. She offered to take my watch to a store to shorten the length of the wristband. We began to see each maybe once a week or two, either for lunch, dinner, and coffee. We would talk a lot about our personal issues, fears, passions in life, we have the same birthdays (random) and she jokingly wants to celebrate it together. I just got out of a relationship around this time and her divorce has been finalized at this time. She was married for 7 years and decided to end the marriage when she said they became more like “roommates” than being in a marriage. I am 31 and she is 36 yrs old.

I started to cook dinner for her at my place. I would buy her small gifts such as a pepper spray that she said she needed, brought her homemade dinner, and pay for all meals on dates. We became intimate, still seeing each other only once or every other week. She would send me random good morning text messages and during holidays. She would give me compliments and say that I am such a gentleman, easy to please, good person, easy to fall for, cleaned, generous, etc. I told her that I began to have strong feelings for her and she said she really likes me as well. I wanted to keep my guards up, but in the end, I chose to be direct and honest with her. Overtime, she became flaky, such as showing up late or not returning calls or text messages for 4-5 days. According to Amber, her ex-husband has been trying to rekindle their relationship but she always say that she lost feelings for him and do not want to become “roommates” again.

She became distant overtime the last few months, so I backed off a bit. We met up in early March, had dinner and sex, but she did not act the same way. She would tell me about her family problems and being stressed out. Her moods went from hot and cold. A week later, she said she is going through rough times financially because she has been sick and family from native country in South America. I gave her $400 and refused when she tried paying back. She texted me during St. Patrick’s day and suggest we meet up, but I was busy. We continued texting each other and she agreed to come over for dinner days later. She offered the days for her to come over for dinner, I agreed, then she texted, “Ok sweetie , I will see you on Friday at 6p”. This gave us the opportunity to see each other before she leaves for vacation to visit family in South America for 10 days. She was a no-call no-show for the date, I waited for her all night at my place. I called twice, left 1 voice message, texted her, no reply. I have not heard from her for a month and I tried calling again and shot her an email (I know, I am acting desperate). We went out maybe a total of 13-15 times in 4 months. I just wonder what I can do now. Did I do something to upset her? If she did not want to see me anymore, how can she just walk away without saying a word?

Thank you for your time April. Any advice or suggestions will be much appreciated

[seekingadvice1234]

April,

Thanks for the previous post. It helped me see things from a different perspective and I am actively changing my ways to improve myself and dating life.

Basically last weekend when I was hanging out with Melissa, we ended up meeting her friends. Towards the end of the night, I decided to go home while she hung out with her friends. She wanted to go to the beach next day, I told her to just call me to see what happens. Up until that point, we have been spending the whole weekend together for 2 months. That was the “shortest” get together.

We did not have much contact since then. I thought about what you said about playing the field. Last night, I went out to dinner (twice) with a woman (Amber) I met through my friends this week. We had a great time, went dancing afterwards. During dinner, Melissa texted me to hang out, but I did not respond to her until the next day. We did not talk much with no plans. Honestly, I do miss Melissa and still think about her a lot. For 2 months, we would see each Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, but for the last 2 weeks, only once. On the other hand, it is nice to have that breathing room and to play the field since we are not dating exclusively.

I will keep you posted. Let me know your thoughts.

Thanks

[seekingadvice1234]

April,

Thanks for responding so quickly. You helped me question my intentions and really made me think about what I want.

I am seeking someone that I can potentially settle down with, but I do not want to rush and want to do it right. I want to find the right girl and get married if both party is ready. I don’t mean to send the wrong signal by not kissing her after 2 months, but she often tells me that she is not ready for a relationship (she brings it up on her own). She knows that if I do date now, I am seeking for someone that I can potentially settle down with. I guess that is why I am taking things very slowly with Melissa.

I want a relationship with Melissa, but she is emotionally unstable right now. She got out of her first relationship about 6 months ago and her best friend past away. When we have private talks, she would talk about it, cries about it, and hurts her very much (happens once a week when we get together). i do not want to take advantage of the situation, just because she is vulnerable. From my past experience, girls that I get with while they are emotional unstable/distressed, it is not a good idea to rush into relationship because I was a rebound and they would quickly breakup with me when they are feeling good again.

I hope I explained it well enough for you to understand. Please point out or give me opinions of what I need to work on.

Thanks

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