[fuzziestump]

I kinda figured as much, but it’s always nice to hear the opinion of someone else. 🙂 Honestly, I’m not terribly concerned with having “blown it “. I think I more or less just needed to have some sort of answer for myself. Closure, if you will . Thanks April!

[fuzziestump]

I like the ice cream suggestion, but I’m writing from Pittsburgh, where it’s currently 25 degrees F – 😀

To update my original novella, I haven’t seen or heard from her in about 2 weeks. I’m very aware of the whole “push/pull” theory, so I’ve limited myself to sending only a couple of one line messages to her over this time, and not heard back a word.

Unfortunately, I did something kinda dumb, though. Earlier this week, I went out and had a few drinks, and this was one of the nights I messaged her. Since we are using Facebook Messenger, I can see if she’s read my message or not, what time she read it, if she’s currently active, etc. I invited her out (in general, not to the bar) and got no reply.

A few hours later, still at the bar, I sent “I’m sorry, but did I miss a memo? Why wont you even reply to me anymore?”

No reply.

This is where I get stupid. When I got home, I was so frustrated (and a little tipsy) with the one-way communication now between us that I basically wrote everything I was thinking and sent it in FB messenger. I wanted to wait until I saw her in person to talk about most of the stuff in the long message, but she made herself incredibly unavailable, and I had a moment of despair. 😥

Here’s what I foolishly sent:

[quote]Ok, so, I know this is a horrible idea…anyone in their right mind would tell me not to send this to you…but sometimes I defy logic, and this is clearly one of those times. The way I see it, you were as interested in me as I am in you. But ever since you and[i] **ex bf**[/i] broke up, you’ve fallen off the map. Do you blame me for it? I know it hurts…so much of your life has changed very suddenly, and it’s hard to understand…it’s hard to find purpose in some parts of life. But I’m the same person I was before your relationship ended. And I’m not the reason you two broke up. Instead, I am a great guy who’s looking for a great girl…and I’m a choosy guy…I haven’t found anyone who made the world disappear when I’m around them the way you do. For many reasons, I see the great girl I’ve been waiting for in you. Since my marriage ended, I’ve never found a single person I could be completely and utterly “myself” with until you. When you’re around, I dont feel like I have to be anybody else but me…and it’s an incredible feeling. I feel like you felt comfortable around me too…am I wrong? Doesn’t it feel wonderful to be accepted for who you are, and not who somebody idealizes you to be? I dont care if you smoke, if you drink, if you terminated a pregnancy, or anything else you may not be fond of in yourself…I like you for who you are, right here, right now. I accept you as an individual, devoid of expectations or ideals. You’re funny, beautiful, fun, playful, ambitious…and I suspect there’s a whole lot more about you to like than that. I’ve kept my eyes open for a long time looking for someone whose traits you possess, seemingly naturally. But your distance lately has really perplexed me. Is it my age? My physical condition? What is it that’s keeping you from even seeing if there’s something here to pursue? Many people think that when you meet your “soulmate” that there’s supposed to be a spark…butterflies in your stomach, sweaty palms and shaky hands….I like to think that when you meet your soulmate, you’re 100% at ease and comfortable with them, like you’ve known them all of your life. Am I insinuating that you and I are soulmates? No, not really. But you have to admit, there’s no pressure to impress one another between us. I am who I am, and you are who you are…and I thought that we were getting along incredibly well. I thought there was an unspoken ease between us that could perhaps lead to something much bigger than “dart buddies”. But it seems that you don’t feel quite the same. I cant lie to you…I like you very much. In you, I see everything that I’ve ever wanted in a partner. Being just friends is no longer an option for me. If you don’t want a guy like me in your life, just say so. I’m not a needy guy. But I am a great guy…the kind that will stick by your side not only in the best of times, but in the worst of times as well. The kind of guy that doesn’t give up when the going gets rough. I would very much like to see if you and I were meant for more than what we are now. If you do not feel the same, just tell me now, and I promise, I will never bother you again. But, if you feel, even the slightest bit, like you want to know more about me, and what a powerful, true love is like, you’re going to have to let me know. I truly think you’re an amazing, wonderful, intriguing, and loving woman, [i]**her name**[/i]. But I can’t to continue to frustrate myself by putting out lackadaisical invitations to play darts at a bar…I dont even really enjoy going to bars much. I was about to quit going to [i]**bar name**[/i] before I met you. I only go there now in the hopes that you will join me, and I can get to know more about you. The ball is in your court now. You have the power to decide whether you want to find out who I am, and (for what I’m guessing will be the first time in your life,) how a man is supposed to treat a woman. I’m over games and bullshit. I’m looking for my last first kiss. I don’t take dating or relationships lightly. I’m not out to get laid. I’m not a “hit it and quit it” kind of guy. You…You, I like a lot. You, I’m interested in knowing more about. You, I’m able to see a possible future with. In the short time I’ve known you, I can see more than just “hanging out” with you. I hope you feel the same, and you will let me know. If not, I’ll move on, and you can relax knowing I wont ask again. But I hope you choose to take the chance. If you’re interested, I would like to take you out to [i]**suggested date**[/i] on Monday the 17th. Somewhere where nobody knows us, and we can just relax, have some fun, and get to know one another better. If you’re not interested, just let me know. I wont ask again. But I hope you do. This will be my last message to you otherwise. I hope this message will not be in vain. With the warmest of emotions, [i]**my name**[/i][/quote]

Now, I realize that this might seem a little pushy considering her boyfriend of 3 years dumped her about 2 weeks ago. But I dont think I was over the top being mushy or needy. Regardless of my thoughts on the letter, I realize it is going to require me to do some damage control.

I’m don’t plan on contact her anymore until she attempts to contact me, unless one of you advise against that idea. 🙂

Thoughts?

Thanks!!

[Member]

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