[trainermc]

Thanks for all you’re advice April. I just want to give an update.

So I talked to her on the phone and she basically said that once she breaks up with someone she never gets back together with them, no matter what. She said it makes her feel weak like she was with her abusive ex. No amount of talk would convince her otherwise. She said that she just wanted a stress free relationship and since we had an argument it made her think it was all downhill from there. Even though the argument is resolved. She said she would rather regret it later than feel weak by taking someone back. I asked her what she thought of our relationship before the argument and she said she was happy. She enjoyed sex and we laughed a lot. But once that thought entered her mind there was no going back. She says that she is willing to accept being alone for the rest of her life.

She obviously has issues and the fact that she does not want to change anything about them means there really is no hope for this.

Thanks again!

[trainermc]

Thanks April! So I know she wanted to be in a relationship because she would not sleep with me unless we were bf/gf. She received my card today. In it, I just apologized for asking things that were out of her comfort level and spoiling our fun with pointless arguments. I told her I accept who she is with no compromise. I told her the only thing we should focus on is having delicious french toast together (I made french toast for her once and she loved it). I ended with if she is ready to give us another go, I want to just live in the moment and have fun with her with no expectations or complications.

Today is basically over and she has not responded. I don’t know whether to take this as a sign that she is thinking about it, or a sign that she doesn’t care enough to make a reply, or maybe thinks if she replies it would only end in argument. It was a very calm break up and the break up had no argument or angry vibes. If you were thinking about it and were going to make a response, how long would someone wait?

I felt we never got full closure so I would like to get that if she doesn’t want to get back together. How long should I give her to respond before I ask for closure from her?

[trainermc]

Thanks for the reply and the advice April! Well we connected well, and I also thought she had everything I wanted in a woman with the exception of this troublesome past. This would likely not be a long distance relationship for long she finishing college. In the future I will definitely make sure to take things much slower. We had the gf/bf titles because she said she would not sleep with someone that wasn’t already her boyfriend, and I felt I liked her enough at that point to be exclusive.

In the letter I would just apologize for pressuring her into dealing with things she didn’t want to. I would ask her that if she is ready to give us a second go then I would just like to live in the moment with her, with no expectations and no complications.

I guess a question I had is why wouldn’t she accept this and give us a second chance. Like I said, it appeared that she really liked me although she was too reserved to show much affection. The only thing it seemed was that she felt I had expectations of her that she deemed unreasonable. I am giving her a week then sending her a letter. If she doesn’t accept our second chance, I would just like to know why, because I am basically telling her the reasons she broke up with me are no longer an issue.

[trainermc]

Your first big mistake is was when you texted her. A simple “hi” is a terrible way to start a text. Also, you tried to make a date on the same day you texted her? That spells desperation. You should have just asked her when she is free to get dinner in the next week or so. From that point on, you were cooked.

[trainermc]

How long have you two been together? If it’s a new relationship (under 3 months) then don’t worry about it. She may want to spend time with her friends and maybe she acts different when she is with them and drinking and she doesnt want you to judge her. Not saying she is doing anything shady though. If its a long relationship 4 months or more than that is pretty shady in my opinion to not want you there for her birthday. I would take that as a warning sign things are not going well and I would act accordingly,

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