[replay25]

So here is a long update…

We were back together for about a month…

We had a great time, but two times she was really upset and crying over the past, confessing that she is still scared and is afraid that she is making a mistake. But I calmed her and she said she really wants to try and make this work and also get back what we had before christmas because back then as she said I was the love of her life, she just needs time to feel this way again… She also told me that her family does not like me because I broker her heart back then…

Anyway… No she has been gone for a couple of days on a work thing back to her place and things were strange. She was distant. So I asked her about it and she told me that she just does not miss me (two days gone…). Also she had a talk with her mother who told her that our relationship will not work out, and she said she agrees with her. She said that our differences that are now cute will be a problem in the future.

And also she said that she feels it is unfair for me because I really take care of her and I spoil her and do things for her most of which she wouldn’t do for me (but she does without acknowledging…). So the problem here is that I have more feelings than she does.

What I told her was that I could dial it down and I was only so caring because I wanted to reassure her about her being the only one I care about. We decided to discuss this when she gets back…

Is there any hope here ? Should I just be casual and less attentive and see where it goes ? Or should I just step back and let her miss me? This is the second time she does that to me… She also admitted that she is again afraid of her heart being broken… So do I persist and make her feel safe ? Or is this validating her bad behavior towards me and this cycle will never end unless I step back and make her really miss me ?

[replay25]

So I never asked her on a date, but one meeting turned out to be date like, walking to her home cuddling and being very close…
After that we traveled together, then she was kissing me, telling me she missed me and everything was really nice.
When we got back we spend one evening together watching a movie, then while walking her home, holding hands, she told me that she doesn’t want to rush this because she is not sure yet, to which i just responded with a smile not wanting to pressure her.

We see each other almost daily and she is really flirty and doesn’t object to physical contact. I think I should just be cool and not pressure anything, she will decide herself what she wants. Having a “talk” about this stuff is most of the time counter-productive as it puts pressure on things. Just continue having a fun time together and rebuilt all the lost trust I guess. Is this the right way of approaching this you think ?

[replay25]

But we will surely go out or on daily trips just the two of us. Would we also have to “name” it as a date ? As long as there is some sort of sexual tension I think definition are not as important, at least not right away…

I know all about the friend-zone, but I think that people who have been ex-lovers and have broken up suddenly because of too strong feelings are in less danger to end up there… Of course being in limbo indefinitely would not help at all… 🙂

[replay25]

So I have some interesting updates…

First of all she makes contact a lot more now. Mostly it’s her initiating. I am not pressuring or anything, keeping it friendly and light each time.

I send her a picture from a place I was visiting and told her we should go together. She said it was nice and asked me who I was with…

Then she offered to let me sleep at her place because I will be where she is for about a week for some seminars. And then she will be moving where I am and she asked me if I would like to travel together…

All in all I think she wants me in her life, be it romantic or not this remains to be seen… I believe I should not pressure things, and if there is any attractions-feelings left they will eventually show up. Do you agree ?

[replay25]

So we had some contact a couple of times, mostly in the office. We had fun, chatted about a lot of stuff, laughed and joked. But I did not talk about us…

So I invited her to dinner with some more friends because I was going away, and she came. We flirted some, there was also a lot of playful physical contact but nothing overtly sexual, she was touching my leg under the table a couple of times. At some point when we were alone she asked how I was, I said fine and she responded the same but with a sad look in her eyes, also telling me that her phone is not as active as before (meaning we are not chatting anymore…). We said our goodbyes with a long deep hug, I tried kissing her but she refused so I let it pass like that.

I’ve been gone for about 5 days and yesterday she texted me asking how I was. I think she is warming up to me a little but still maybe it’s too early to say anything for sure. I will see her again next month when she will also move here where I am. This seems like it’s not a hopeless cause still. How do you think I should proceed ? I think I should just be casual and don’t try forcing things…

[replay25]

so you think keeping my distance would still be good ?

[replay25]

I was actually thinking of not pursuing anything right now. Maybe she was just trying to be polite or get rid of any guilt she might have had. I think I should just keep my distance and see if she will try and contact me again…

[replay25]

So after about 4 weeks without any contact she sent me an email out of the blue. Asking how is life going. I did not answer and the next day I went by her office and said hi and asked how her trip was. She was smiley and we chit-chatted a little. I did not drag it or said anything personal so I left after a while…

Is is opening the door just a little ? Should I still keep my distance as to not seem pushy ?

[replay25]

So yesterday I had no contact with her. I just run into her at work and we just said hi. And after a while she sent me an email. She told me that she is concerned about me and about what this situation might do to my work and told me I should speak with someone in our school, we have an adviser to help us with any problems.

So is she still trying to keep contact with me in some way ?

[replay25]

I asked her for a small meeting to chat and she accepted. I confronted her about her roomates’ putting thoughts in her head and she accepted this. Also that she put some thoughts in her own head about it after our last weekend together.

She says she can’t trust me now and she is not willing to try because she doesn’t want to get her heart broken twice by me and that I also moved too fast after I broke up and we spend some days together. I told her that I will stop chasing her and if we are meant to be together we have time. She kept saying that she doesn’t want anything NOW. I was listening carefully for this word and she was always talking about now… Anyway she finally said that we should try and remain professionals in our work but not friends right now because it will be awkward to be around each other.

Told her that I really love her and I would never break her heart again, and she said that I am saying big words…

So is time my friend here ? And what can I do to really make her pain go away and start trusting me again ?

[replay25]

It wasn’t gossip. It was what her friend told me after I saw them chat for a while…

So are you saying there is no hope for this ? Or might be and I only need to give it time to see what happens?

[replay25]

So should I be casual and ask how she doing once in a while or even avoid that? What about what her friend told me?

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So here is the thing. I saw her in a party and we talked normally. Even talked about a plan we had before to go away for a weekend. I asked about it and if it’s still a plan and she said maybe… Then her friend started talking to me and tried to hook me up with this girl and of course I said no I am interested in her other friend only. So after I got to say goodbye her friend told me to hang on and she is on my team and that she (my girl to be) needs to know that I am for real because I took too much time to break up.

But what I don’t understand is why she is still ignoring me. I mean if I was hurt by someone I would still want to be with them and have contact if I had plans for the future with them. Of course this might be a guy way of thinking…

[replay25]

Thank you for the answer. The thing is that since our talk about when she told me that she doesn’t know how she feels we haven’t been in contact. That was two days ago. Today I couldn’t hold it and I sent a simple “I miss you…”. She hasn’t seen it yet so I really don’t know if she will even reply.

Should I continue messaging her in a casual way ? Asking how she is and stuff like that ? Or should I also say that I miss her and want her in my life ? It may sound pushy in a way right ?

The thing is, how long should I wait before trying to make things happen again ? Should I wait for her to initiate a more intimate contact ?

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