[ShaiBasli]

Thanks April.
I think you are correct. We can change ourselves but not others. Things are how they are and I don’t expect any change. I guess I’m gone have to decide whether to accept things the way they are or stop it.
In order for me to make the right decision it would be helpful to get your opinion about how things are to her. I know I’ve already asked many of the following questions but I need your analyses of how things are to her rather than to me.
– How does she feel about about a person that is approaching her for a personal relation while she is married? Does she feel its something exciting and desirable or something she has to cope with to keep a good professional relationship?
– Does she feel guilty for allowing a man to chat with her on daily basis or is it a way to boost her ego?
– What are the chances she informed her husband about this person trying to approach her for a personal relation?
– Does she like me or only trying to be nice?
– Is she allowing me to approach her because she feels she can control me or because she likes me?
– Would such a person be unsatisfied in her marriage?
– How would she feel about stopping personal communication from my side? is it a relief or a loss? Would she reconsider her approach or won’t any difference?
– Is she confused or already decisive about any personal relation? Is there anything I can do to get her to be more open?

Thanks,
Shai

[ShaiBasli]

Hi again,

Frankly speaking, I have no problem being rejected. A clear rejection is something I’m looking forward to. At least that would be a clear answer that would comfort me. To me giving reasons for her behavior is never a rejection but an attempt to keep things going.
As i mentioned earlier, I’ve suggested many times stopping all personal communication without any effect on the professional relation . This is my goal at this point.
Unfortunately, she is always rejecting this. I recently asked her to stop our daily chatting because I don’t like how its going. I always expected her acceptance. This never happens. She always refuse such suggestions for a reason I don’t know.
A person who is not interested would use any chance to end such confusing relationship. Many times I was even harsh in my suggestions. Yet, its the same some none sense reasoning and no actual change.

Why is she so much interested in keeping none business communication but at the same time is unwilling to give more? It should be that she wants a personal relation or not. Not having it should be pretty much easy. Its a simple one time rejection that can be easily justified and I guess I made it easy for her with my suggestions. Wanting a personal relation takes more effort from her side and she should be able to judge if she wants to do it or not. Why is she always in between? And again how can I get a clear answer from her?

Tanks.
Shai

[ShaiBasli]

Thanks April,

Getting a second opinion is always very helpful. So, i really much appreciate your support and effort.

in fact, I’m interested in finding a way out of this maze. I would like to get more attention from her or end this whole situation. Many times I feel I’m wasting my time and effort in an endless path.

I’ve tried many times to tell her that I’m not satisfied with how things are going. yet, its obvious she is unwilling to give more.
She is a person i chat (online) with every day. She is a person I have to deal with every day. Confronting her didn’t work, ignoring her didn’t work either. Can you advise me on any practical techniques that can end this.

Best regards,
Shai

[ShaiBasli]

Thanks again April.

I truly appreciate your support. it really helps getting back on the right track.

I have to admit, its really difficult to express my feelings the correct way. I truly feel unable to describe my problem properly. Each time i read my posts I feel that I missed many important details.

Please allow me to reconstruct my questions. I would like to ask few questions that might help me find my way in my situation:

– Why would a married woman keep contact with a person that shows attraction signals to her? in my case its contact through daily private chatting.
– Why would a married woman accept chatting with a person that asked her to improve her communication or leave? She never even tried to change though.
– Why would a married woman accept re-chatting with a person that ignored her for a long period without even asking why?
– Why would a married woman give excuses to her annoying behavior and continue with the same behavior?
– Why is she much more open in personal communication than chatting?
– Why does she refuse stopping chatting?
– Why is she much more cautious in presence of other people?
– Why does she refuse a clear request of stopping the whole personal relationship while maintaining a good professional relationship?

I tried summarizing all questions that continuously come to my mind hopping you can answer it through your experience so i might find my way from your answers.

Thanks again for your effort and time.
Shai

[ShaiBasli]

Thank you April.

I’m very confused about this to the point of not being able to make a decision. Sometimes I’m so pissed to the point of wanting to stop our friendship later on I feel she might be correct in setting some limits to protect her marriage. Problem is that both ideas feel so real at a certain point so I don’t know which feeling to follow.
Basically, its about her approach to me. She is kind of keeping a slightly open door. Its not real open and its not closed. She accepts being a friend yet she is not open and is very cautious when dealing with me. She knows that such behavior annoys me but seems unwilling to put any effort in trying to change
I feel played because she accepts our friendship but doesn’t act as a real friend. In my opinion, friendship takes openness and communication and if she is unwilling to do that she shouldn’t accept it. Therefore, I feel that she wants to keep me around and run the relationship as she likes.
Some other times I feel its ok because its impossible to keep attraction off such relations. Therefore, I feel she is setting her limits and is trying to protect it.

I already talked to her about this and as a result she became more cautious and closed.

Which of the two situations is true and what to do about it?

Thanks.

[Member]

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