[jdw]

I will be turning 21 in September he will be turning 21 next February.
we have been together for 4 years
we got engaged in 2012
we haven’t set a date yet, we have been saving for our wedding and were hoping to set a date for late next year or early the year after
our oldest boy is turning 3 this august and our youngest boy is turning 1 next month
he doesn’t have any other children

we have previously been boyfriend and girlfriend when we were 13, so I have known him a long time and he was always the funny nice guy. it ended back then because we were both immature and children still but when we got together when we started college at 16 I honestly didn’t think he is the guy that hes turned out to be and I would have trusted him with my life. never in a million years would I have thought he would have been unfaithful.. hes never had many girlfriends and nothing serious before we got together.
he also had a rough child hood, his father died when he was 7 and his mother just didn’t take care of him and his siblings. which meant he needed to be removed and his elder sisters had him living with them..
they had children of their own though and he feels and what I can gather from what ive been told.. he was sort of never the “child” in any situation no one would care enough.. hes never been like the main priority.

I know deep down hes a good person but I don’t know whether he never formed a proper bond and he cant now? weve talked about things time and time again and this might sound strange but he said he thinks maybe subconsciously he thinks of me like a mother figure although he loves me as his girlfriend and sees me that way.. because im caring and do anything I can for him he takes that to his advantage and thinks ill never up and leave..

I also grew up with my grandparents. we moved in together at 17, we live on our own with our two boys and he works and were financially stable.

I know everything happened so quick between us and I was ready to settle down and maybe he wasn’t.. and he struggled to cope with our first. I did everything we have no help off anyone else and only in the last year has their bond together got strong. and that’s why ( im not making excuses but when he slept with that girl and with the other girl ) I put it down to circumstances and forgave him.

im struggling now though because from the start with our second he could have been a better daddy and you can tell by how they are together. everything was perfect wed never been getting on together better ( I thought we were so happy)

the porn situation has been going on a long time and I hate it, he knows that but I think he thinks what I don’t know wont hurt me but ive caught him out that many times that even if it isn’t going on anymore ive convinced myself it must be because why would he just stop..
(that isn’t something id ever leave him over) but if there was something he didn’t like me doing I wouldn’t do it

we went on holiday in February and while we were there I miscarried, we knew I was pregnant and they said I was 5 weeks gone. a month and a half later that’s when he started talking to other girls.

as far as im aware he hasn’t done anything since, but I cant get it out of my head. im willing to forgive and forget and I never bring anything up anymore. but I I cant forget and move on unless I can trust him and I just don’t know how to anymore

thanks april.

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