[lemonstrawberry]

Thanks April. Ironically, I think it IS true that we have to get used to being monogamous. I say ironically because out of the both of us, I think I am the one who needs to trust in the monogamy more since he is the one who seems to have more faith in me when it comes to those things. I’m sad to say it since he has always trusted me and I have not done him the same favor, at least not to the same extent. When he and i talked again about trust and all of the things I posted here, I felt much better about the relationship and began to see us as more of a team rather than two people clashing. I’m sure I will have more questions in the future about life in general. Thank you for your help again!

[lemonstrawberry]

Thanks for the reply!

I like when you said this: [b]What you see are these “lies of omission” and you’re waiting for them to turn into cheating or betrayal.[/b]

That’s exactly how I feel! I know it wrong and he really hasn’t done anything to indicate cheating. I’m afraid I’m pushing him away from all of these discussions though. He was actually the one who asked me to enter monogamy.

We decided to keep together, but also discussed how we needed to work on trust. How can we go about building the trust up again after all these discussions and my knowledge of omissions from the past?

[lemonstrawberry]

We discussed this yesterday and I outlined why lies of omission are not ok. I differentiated between the meatloaf lies and more harmful lies – like meeting up with an ex for example BUT even that was hard to explain – he questioned whether or not I was actually doing something incriminating during me meeting up with the ex but I explained that that wasn’t the point – if he would found out in a round about way that I met up with my ex without telling him first, then it would sort of suspicious if I were in my BF’s shoes.

This problem goes way back. We used to hook up in college after dating for 2 weeks freshman year. We would hook up on and off but would remain friendly throughout the 4 years. Because I saw him (for 4 years!) hook up with other girls, and pursue them after we dated freshman year, I slowly grew to distrust him (which is what I am learning now). So basically, when we started dating seriously, I saw it as a situation in which * I * thought he needed to earn my trust back whereas he views it (and still does view it as) him doing nothing wrong within the scope of this relationship – so therefore I should “just trust him” (his words).

[lemonstrawberry]

We are both 23 years old and this is our first relationship. I know he tells white lies outside of the scope of our relationship (I have witnessed them and they were the meatloaf type of lies) but I know that the cause of his lies within the relationship are to avoid conflict and hashing things out. He told me this and I saw an increase in the lies as our hashing out discussions increased as well. He explicitly told me that he does this to avoid discussion and he believe it is because we shouldn’t need to hash things out ad naseum. I believe in discussing things but when I do talk with him everything I say DOES begin to sound circular, especially since he doesn’t contribute much. He is all about the good times in a relationship and likes to avoid having serious discussions (in general and with many people not just me)

PS thank you for replying and helping me figure this out!

[lemonstrawberry]

Help please?

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