[Unsporty]

Hi again.

Well, I think I have realized what my biggest problem is.

It’s my mind going totally empty, when I am in the presence of potential flirting targets. Either that, or it fills up with just random words, random phrases. Things that I feel would, instead of making me sound pleasant, make me sound like a weirdo. And I don’t just want to shout out the first thing that pops into my mind. Is this overthinking? Am I too afraid of being conspicuous?

Anyway, what can I do to combat this issue? Can/Should I practice at home? Is there any reading material I can use?

Thanks.

[Unsporty]

Hi. I thought I’d come back and give an update on how it has been so far. Obviously, there isn’t an immense amount of progress. And I know it wouldn’t be expectable to be so. As I live a bit far from town centre, and don’t have a car, it becomes hard and more expensive to go there in my free time. Also, being a bit of a scaredy cat, I don’t wanna end up in the wrong part of town (I moved here not long ago). Maybe in the future I will explore more and find out more about the nightlife of this town. I have had plenty of bad experiences with girls in bars and clubs. Not just simple rejection, but actual fake interest and subsequently being laughed at in the end. But anyway, I digress.

For the time being, my only chance of flirting and making conversation is at work. I have noticed a couple of different girls. One looks a bit bashful, and I had the chance to talk to her a bit near the coffee machine. It becomes harder when she comes into my office and another guy is talking to her. I feel that, if I am going to try, it has to at least make some kind of sense to engage in conversation. If I just barge into the conversation of others, it might look too forced or uncalled for. So, for now, I count on crossing paths in different areas. Another is objectively very attractive, but her attractiveness has sort of diminished in my eyes due to her appearing to be a combination of flirty and smiley when she needs something, and aloof the rest of the time. There are a couple more, but I haven’t really crossed paths with them. I have managed to make conversation with others, so I may use that as practice for the future. Of course, I say this not knowing if the company even has a policy on these things. Based on the Christmas party description, it doesn’t. But, if nothing else, maybe it can help me for other occasions.

Tricky stuff, but I want to go on. Trying to figure out upcoming steps.

[Unsporty]

Hi. Thanks for your reply. I will see what I can do and come back here from time to time. I don’t really go out much these days, but I will try and find some way to at least practice. Even if it is just talking to people at work. I should have added that one of the reasons why I don’t talk to women at the same time as other men, is because I both think I can’t “compete”, and because I am afraid that my attempts will be noticed by the men as well. Also, I find it hard to try, because there is noone there to tell me what it is that I did wrong, in case I fail. Case in point. I recently took a post-graduation, and I was very much attracted to a girl in my course. But at the same time, it was as if I avoided being alone with her, because I never felt confident that I could make a conversation flow, or was afraid that she would notice something. Furthermore, when I went to a dinner at a mutual girl friend’s house, and I heard her say some guy from the course was “gorgeous”, it just discouraged me from trying anything. I am very easily discouraged, as you can probably tell. And when we all went home to work on our final dissertation, even though she had said we might discuss sources, bibliography, and that sort of thing, I never got in touch with her, because I was afraid she would reply to, say, a Facebook message, in real time, and I would be unable to sustain a conversation. I chose this example, because it’s the more recent one. So, I have a long way to claw back. But I hope I can share some doubts and questions regarding future events. Once again, thanks.

[Member]

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