[Acens]

Thank you. I try that.

[Acens]

Thank you for your advice.

I guess i have to move on even though it will be very hard in this situation.

[Acens]

Thank you for your help. It would have certainly helped.

Unfortunately she cancelled the weekend. Said that suddenly she has a dance practice and friend’s birthday on Saturday and on Sunday she has some kind of dance performance. She said that she feels bad because of it but i don’t think she meant it.
Also i asked if she would be free next weekend and again she said she doesn’t know and we have to wait and see.

This the second time when she waited to give me an answer if she is free and then cancelled. With my roommate she has not done that.

So i think that it is basically game over for me. If she would be interested in meeting with me (she said she does want to see me) she would find the time. I don’t like that she doesn’t say it out that she doesn’t want to meet me. Even if i would ask her to tell me if she actually doesn’t want to meet me than she would just deny it and say she does.

Feels like dead circle.

[Acens]

I really feel that i have to take a change and jump the gun. This very much looks that this weekend could be the only change to show her how i feel. And since i have already messed up a lot i kinda need to do damage control.

Other thing about getting to know each other is that she isn’t investing herself into getting to know me. I can ask her queations and all that but this won’t make her know me more.

Is there a way to get her to invest more in this situation ( i know that it will come when she gets attracted to me)? At least when we see each other face to face.

[Acens]

Thank you for your hursh but honest words. I really appreciate it.

One thing still wasn’t clear. About showing her how i feel. Are these things that i mentioned in the last post (kissing and holding hands etc.) okay to try in my situation (i mean being in a friend zone)? I don’t want to mess this up more than i already have.

[Acens]

Thank you for your answers.

I would still like to asked some help it would be easier to to these things you recommended.

1. As I said that she is blocking my attempts to flirt. So should I just keep flirting with her and hope that some day she will flirt back? Or is the certain way or some tips how I should flirt with her in this situation?

2. Does this mean anything that she hasn’t actually told me that she had friend zoned me (I asked her that)? And she also said that she doesn’t like my roommate in a romantic way (Why would she lie about that?).

3. You said that she might be lying because she doesn’t want to talk to me about these things. She has talked to me about very personal and even intimate things (things that she hasn’t or doesn’t want to tell to my roommate). So Why would she talk to me about all this but not about our relationship, how she feel and what she expects?

4. I am very jealous, especially at home where I see how actively she responds to my roommate. I have tried keeping myself busy but it didn’t help very much. Do you have some tips how to deal with all these jealous feelings and how to suppress them when they come up?

5. Thing that I’m most nervous about is this weekend when I should visit her if she doesn’t cancel. How should I act, of course I will compliment her and make her feel special. Should I be straight forward about my feelings for her (trying to hold her hand or putting my arm around her, trying to kiss her)? I think that kissing her on the mouth might me to much at the moment. But I’ve been thinking that kissing her on the forehead might not, but still shows that I care for her.
Other choice is to act as a friend and keep a physical connection to minimum. But I think that this does not help my cause of winning her over.
What do you think, what I should do? When you said that I should go for what I want then I think that first way is better.

Sorry for so many questions, but I’m so confused and you are the only person who can help me make some sense in all this.

Thank you again 😀

[Acens]

Thank you again. Btw I’m working on moving out. 😀

[Acens]

Hi again,

There has been unexpected development. On my birthday she started talking to me even though she previously said that she doesn’t want me in her life. On that day she was pretty open minded and didn’t seem mad or anything. After that suddenly she became very protective and indifferent.
I have not talked about a breakup or anything else negative, only tried to focus on positive things and just building a new foundation. I have made a few compliments and brought up on happy memory from the beginning of our relationship. See felt really indifferent all of a sudden and i don’t know why. Good thing is that she is not actually against talking to me at the moment. I asked a few times if I bothered her when it seemed that she had something more important to do and she said no.
I have already acknowledged and prepared myself that getting past her defenses will take a lot of time, work and patience.
I wanted to ask you if you could give me some tips on how to make getting past her defenses smoother and things that I should avoid?

Thank you!

[Acens]

Well, now there is probably nothing I can do to win her back. I started talking to her, asked about how she has been, how her birthday went and so on. At some point I asked her if it is okay if we would stay friends. She said that she wants to move on with her life and when we would be friends then she couldn’t. In the end she said that for her I am the past and she doesn’t want to be friends and never talk to me again. It was hard to see her say these things and that she has got over me so fast as if our relationship didn’t meant anything to her. See told me to leave him alone and so our conversation ended.

As I see it, no matter what I do now or in the future won’t make her want me to be part of her life.
I know that I should probably get over her now, but I don’t know how. I am kind of person who doesn’t fall in love easily, but when I do it is very strong love that I can’t just get over.

I don’t know what to do.

[Acens]

So I sent flowers to her for a birthday and now she has not responded or said anything, not even “Thanks”. Should I be worried and try to contact her myself?
At the moment we haven’t talked for 2 weeks this sending flowers and also a handwritten letter are only contact we have had and I thought that this would be better if she is the one starting the conversation. But since she has not responded in anyway, it makes me worry. What should I do so I would not make the situation worse?

[Acens]

[quote=”April Masini”]I think flowers for her birthday is a very nice gesture. I’m not sure how she’ll respond — but I don’t think it’s too soon for you to do this if you’ve decided to give winning her back a shot!

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b][/quote]

Thank you again for your advice.

[Acens]

[quote=”April Masini”]If you’ve decided to try and win her back, go for it! 🙂 I can’t think of any reason you should wait. 😉

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b][/quote]

What about sending her flowers for her birthday? Would that be appropriate at the moment or is it too soon for that kind of thing?

[Acens]

[quote=”April Masini”]It sounds like the problems in the relationship were 1) that you were interested in another girl at the same time you were dating her, and you told her about this, and also 2) that you didn’t give her as much attention as she would have liked to have had while you were dating. So if you want to win her over, now, you have to show her, over time, that you’re not seeing anyone else, want monogamy, and can give her the type of attention she wants. This may be difficult because of the distance between your homes. If you do really want to do this, it’s going to take a big commitment on your part — with no guarantee of success.

I think you’re trying to get a guarantee or a commitment before investing in the work required to give this a shot, and she’s not going to give that to you, so if you do want to try and win her back, understand it’s going to be without that guarantee or commitment from her.

Let me know if that helps, and what you decide to do.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b][/quote]

Thank you April for your advice.
As I said in the problem description I am over the other girl now and I am ready to commit myself totally on winning her back and making our relationship last. The reason why I told her about the other girl in the first place is that I wanted to be honest with her. I think honesty is very important in a relationship. Another question popped up while reading your answer. Is it okay to contact her now and starting to work towards showing her that she is the only one I want or should I wait? Also her birthday is coming up in a week and I was thinking of sending her flowers. Would that be okay?

[Member]

Posts