[loveatfirstsight]

Thank you April!

I really appreciate your advice and time! I needed to hear it.
……..
I had failed to mention that we had met up a handful of different occasions after our break up – us both wanting to work on things but we struggled in communicating. He came to meet my family as we already had plans to and he would visit my home as he wanted to talk about everything in person. But it never ended well – He would express his desire to have me in entirety & I would struggle with his possessiveness ( one occasion I was at bomb fire with friends and met with him after – he told me that he heard guys in the background and although he used to be a very jealous person, when he feels threatened now he wont fight he will flee )

Did I mention we almost died upon meeting one another…?
We were drawn to one another instantly with few words – I literally walked up to him and said I had to meet him, he responded saying he too had to meet me .
He took me to the nearby beach where I saw a drunk person attempting to climb down a cliff and as I reached out to him I slipped, with my man catching onto me. We fell off a 90ft cliff. The 2 of us woke up unconscious on the sand. Me with 2 broken ribs and a busted in tail bone him having knocked out his tooth. We were speechless on the way back to mine. And we stood in the shower for over an hour holding one another in silence.
The next day, when I woke up I collapsed from a concussion and immediately called an ambulance. He woke up to me being strapped to a gurney with 5 fire fighters in my room. He asked if he should be coming with me – I told him I just needed to be alone to figure this out.
When I got home from the hospital I was scared that a) my TV had been stolen & b) I would never see him again.
There was a note on my bed with his number insisting to call him immediately!
I did.
He had been driving around the hospitals looking for me but didn’t even know my whole name.

The rest is history..

Do you see why this one is so hard for me to let go?
He came into my life for some reason – we fell head over heels for each other fast and hard.
It was the little things like that he He drinks tap water and eats like a real man.

He loves to slow dance to no music…so do I.

ugh.

But I think you’re right…Before reading your advice I caved and read some inspirational quote talking about if you love someone tell them TONIGHT & live each day to the fullest.
So I texted him saying – “Even though you ignore me & it sucks, I think about you always xox Gnight”

But you’re right. The message is clear, I’ve just been refusing to listen.

Youve got to agree though I was given false hope in believing that when I was ready he would be right there waiting for me. I wouldn’t post photos of him & he would ask me why not, or that it was about time…. I just thought maybe if I proved it all now, if I changed….maybe?
He made it clear. He wanted a girlfriend BAD. He wasn’t sleeping with anyone unless he deeply cared for them and had a connection & that it had to be me. That he had been waiting for someone like me for a long time but under one condition: I am to be happy with him all the time.

Nobody is happy with anyone ALL THE TIME!!!!!

So in the first month that I knew him….

I didn’t want to meet his friends – But he is 21, I am 26…I was called a cougar and shared a beer with them…it was weird. I needed to regroup.
I didn’t want to stay in & cook, I wanted to party with my friends – But I would hope to balance!
I didn’t want to meet his family yet – But I’m open to it now!
I didn’t want to spend every day with him – But I don’t want to not see him at all!
I didn’t feel comfortable with him posting photos of me with romantic quotes – My ex is a well known/respected surfer. Hes what brought me to California. I am in his town – I needed some time to adjust and gain respect as an in individual in the community. And besides, my ex was extremely verbally abusive & would manipulate & humiliate me. I didn’t want to be run out of town – I just needed some time to be my own person.

……

I am a private person in love, a slow cooker – but I knew I hadent felt this way about anyone for a long long long time.

I had used the analogy with him once: you invited me to go jogging with you, and hey I need the exercise, id love too! but every so often check in with me cause I’m finding it a little hard to keep up. I admire your eagerness but like, maybe slow down a little? and lets get a good pace going together 🙂

I don’t believe my actions are unforgiving or excuse his silent treatment. I did PLENTY of nice gestures: I once bought him a gift that I knew he was considering buying for himself & when I gave it to me he was SHOCKED. No one had ever just bought him something for him for no reason before (which leads me to believe maybe I just pull out a super romantic gesture..no? maybe? probably not…!) – BUT I’m worth having around!

hmmm, I hope one day he misses me. I guess just I’ve got to get gone for a little while…maybe, maybe not, either way…Hopefully now that I’ve been exhausted from this chase I’ll take your advice and stop focusing on him & meet someone more my speed.

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