[123waterbottle]

Starting that today. Especially since he started with the apologies for being rude again and I am so over that. I was able to cut off all ties with my ex before him, so this should be fine. Thank you again for all of your advice. You have been amazing!

[123waterbottle]

Yeah, Tinder was a huge mistake and I’ve learned from it. Now if I could just remove him from my life things would be great. Thanks for your advice!

[123waterbottle]

I’m back again. 🙂 I am so frustrated right now. The guy from above and myself pretty much stopped talking. It was a here and there, how are you doing kinda thing. I decided to focus on myself like you said and just let what was between us fade out. Every few days he would text me and we’d talk for a bit and then nothing. Then last week he tells me that he wants things back to how they were before. When we used to hang out and have fun and it was simple and no worries. Which would be great, but I’m not into the whole idea that he’s still going to keep talking to other people so I just let things go. Didn’t really get into anything with him. Then he starts trying to tell me he misses us being together and so on. Anyways, I go about my life and we don’t see each other but talk here and there. He went to NY for Thanksgiving, which also happens to be his birthday. We talked a little the day before he left and then nothing. Then as soon as he gets off the plane he texts me that he made it to NY. I didn’t respond. On his birthday I did text him and I guess that opened the flood gates and he went back to how things were before all of this mess happened. So we text the rest of his vacation in New York and while he traveled back home. He texted me during his layovers and as soon as he landed. He was being super sweet and all. Then last night he goes out with his cousin, gets drunk, and starts texting me at 5am. He doesn’t ask for a hook up and never mentions sex, but he repeatedly texted me until 7am. Of course I was asleep and didn’t see it. So I respond when I wake up telling him it made no sense. He responds to me around 9ish, says he’s still awake. Passes out and then texts me at 12pm. Just basically says he woke up horny, he wants me to come over, then describes what he wants to do and so on. I responded with, “While being your drunk hook up friend sounds great, I’m busy.” and he got offended. Said how could I think he just wants a drunken hook up and that’s disgusting. So I tell him that’s exactly what it seemed like and it made me feel cheap and gross. He apologizes several times and then out of nowhere it turns into an argument. How could I think that of him, that’s not all he wanted, gross, ew. I tell him I get it, I know that’s not him, blah blah blah. Then he just flips out and tells me that “Who cares if I’m horny and hit you up? I’m not hitting everyone up. Ugh. Just figure it out ok?” Figure WHAT out? His response, “I don’t feel like explaining it to you.” So I’m completely confused, how no idea what is even going on at this point, and he isn’t bothering trying to explain anything to me. Just keeps telling me that talking to me is like talking to a wall. So I say, “I get it. I know that’s not what you meant and I said it’s fine. You want a friendship that has sex. I get it.” His response, “No. Ew. Just forget it. You don’t know a lot.” And now he’s just not responding to me and I have no idea what the fuck just happened. The second I assume that he wants more from me, he shuts down. The second I assume he wants just friends with benefits, he gets mad and shuts down. Why keep doing this to me? Why is it so hard to just say what you want from me?

Our chemistry was great and I hate that it has turned into this mess. He was a great person and I loved spending time with him. But I have been through too much to constantly have to deal with this mess. If he wants me to be just a friend, say it. If you want me to be more than a friend, say it. Because I’m to the point where I just want to block his number and move on with my life. What should I do?

[123waterbottle]

Thank you! It was hard at first because I felt like there could have been something, but I have enough going on to worry about what could have been. Your advice is great and I will definitely keep checking back here and asking more questions as time goes on. 🙂

[123waterbottle]

Hey! 🙂 We sort of got into another argument on Saturday about the same thing we’d been arguing over for two weeks now. He is very indecisive and has no idea what he wants. After reading your advice I decided to just stick to the original plan and back off and let him do his own thing. But, he just didn’t seem to be interested in that which led to the argument. We got into it about how he would make plans and then bail and how he was scared because he isn’t ready for a commitment and it overwhelmed him and he just wanted to be friends for now. But while saying all of this, he was rude. He wasn’t taking anyone’s feelings into consideration except for his own. I finally just told him this, “Look. You were the one calling things dates, you were the one to ask what would be romantic, I let YOU lead. Then when I tell you I like what we have you shut down and make me feel like just what you said this never was, a hookup.” and his response was “Sorry.” and that was it. Then it led into, “I can’t give you what you need. I can’t commit to all the time. If you can’t accept that then we shouldn’t be friends.” to which I said, “You aren’t even treating me like a friend.” – He said that when I told him I liked what we had that it made him shut down towards me and that’s why he became distant. Basically, we had our argument and he ended things rudely saying he was done talking about it and I either accept his way or no way. He wasn’t listening to anything I said because I was fine just letting things go between us and moving on. Then he said “I’m done. I’ll text tomorrow. Just stop.” – The argument took place over two days and we haven’t talked since it ended Sunday night when he said that last thing. I’m not texting him and I’m to the point I don’t care if we talk again because it’s just way more than I feel like dealing with. I’m sure we will eventually have to talk again because I do have things I left at his house.

But yeah, I’m letting it go. He is definitely unsure of what he wants and I don’t have time to waste sitting around waiting for him to figure it out. He’s got a lot going on in his life and he’s not ready for a relationship, but he wants to continue having me around all the time and continue doing what we’re doing by just calling us friends. But by calling it friends, he wants to be able to shut down and disappear for days and have me be okay with that. Which I’m not. He was a really great guy and I loved spending time with him. I felt we really connected immediately the first time we met. I just don’t want to continue this back and forth and get nowhere. It’s not worth it to me.

[123waterbottle]

Haha, back again! It didn’t take very long. I backed off this last week and we have both done our own thing. I started talking to other guys to get my mind off of just focusing on him. Today he texted me and the conversation eventually led to talk of sexual things. Since I wasn’t really feeling the whole idea of having a confusing friends with benefits situation with him, I tried to make that clear in our conversation tonight. I kinda told him I’m sure it would be easy to find someone else and his response was, “I’m sure it’s way easier for you to find another penis lol.” To which I responded by saying I wasn’t really a fan of hookups or STD’s. The conversation goes on for a minute and we talk about random hookups and he says guys have it harder because they have to put in effort for a hookup and girls don’t. I tell him a place downtown where he can easily find a hookup. Letting him know that I’m not into the whole idea of a “hookup” between us and it is absolutely fine if he wants to go do that. He says, “What you do is superior to all others!” talking about how I make him feel during sex. So I replied with, “Haha but you haven’t tried theirs” as in the girls I suggested he go look for downtown for a hookup. He says “I’ve lived!” – Ok, good for you but why do this? So I responded by saying “Is this you putting in effort for a hookup? lol” – And his response “What the – no silly. You’re not a hookup crazy lady. You’re my friend, duh.” – He doesn’t know what he wants from me and I don’t like my emotions being toyed with. He’s not ready for a relationship, fine. I’m not ready to jump into a serious relationship either. But I don’t want to just have sex with him and have a friends with benefits relationship with him. I don’t get what he wants from me?

[123waterbottle]

Thank you so much for all of your advice! We finally had an actual conversation and got everything out in the “open” between the two of us. He still left me slightly confused about what he wanted. Basically, he likes what we had but isn’t ready for a relationship and wants to continue talking to other girls. He said he wouldn’t date them or sleep with them while we were together. Which, if you’re not ready to date and you like what we have, why even continue talking to other girls? So I feel as if he was asking for a friends with benefits situation from me and I am not a big fan of that. I get emotionally involved and I don’t want to set myself up to be hurt. We had a really good thing going and maybe in the future we can try things again, but for now I’m done. He wants to continue a friendship if nothing else and to hangout like we always did before and I just can’t give him that. It would be very awkward for me to go over to his house and not have any physical contact. So, for now I have decided to take a step back and let him do his own thing while I do mine.

Whenever I first downloaded Tinder and started using it my friend had suggested I give it a try. I wasn’t aware it was a “hookup” app when I downloaded it and started using it. But it’s become very obvious over time. It’s not something I’m into. I feel like at my age I’m ready for meaningful relationships and not just hookups, friends with benefits, or whatever you want to call it. I’ll definitely try out the other places if I decide to give the online dating thing another try later on. Thanks again for everything and I will definitely be back for more advice as times goes on! 🙂

[123waterbottle]

Is there a way to have something that isn’t necessarily serious, but where you don’t see other people either? I’m not saying he has to call me his girlfriend and marry me. I just want to keep doing what we were doing and see what happens. Without him seeing other girls..

[123waterbottle]

Things did not turn out how I had thought they would. He became distant and short with me. Didn’t want to talk as much as we used to, kept blowing off planned hangouts. Then out of nowhere I get a text that basically says he isn’t ready for a relationship and doesn’t want a relationship with me. He says he’s been chatting with other girls via text, but nothing serious. Then he says that if us “hooking up” is going to be an issue, maybe we shouldn’t do that anymore and maybe we should be just friends.

Ok, here is what confuses me. What we were doing was NEVER referred to as just “hooking up.” Ever. When we went out, HE called those dates. He asked what would be more romantic and what I would like to do for the dates. He’d make comments about us traveling and seeing places we’ve never been before. Told me that he’d love to go to New York with me and New Orleans. And since New Orleans is so close we should just go one weekend. I spent 4-5 days per week at his house. His mom absolutely loved me. When his grandma passed away he asked me to come with him shopping to pick out clothes for her funeral and he texted me the entire time he was in New York for the funeral. I didn’t text him first at all because he was going for a funeral and I didn’t want to be rude. But he texted me constantly each day he was there. Then told me to come over asap when he got back home. He’d met my mom and brother and my mom absolutely loved him as well. We had planned a day for our moms to meet and have lunch because we both thought they’d get along great. We told each other things we’ve never told anyone else. He asked me to stay the night with him several times and told me I should just start bringing my clothes to stay the night and maybe I needed a drawer there. Now all of a sudden all of that meant nothing and was just a hook up to him? I am beyond confused and have no idea what to do. I’d love to just walk away and call it a day because it’s only been 3 months. But, I really liked him. We connected so well and the chemistry between us was great. I feel like maybe he got scared of everything and is now trying to push me away.

Is there anything that I can do to save this or should I walk away now?

[123waterbottle]

Well, I didn’t go over there tonight. He has been a little standoffish the last couple of days. Before I posted this on here I sort of told him that I liked him and all, but didn’t go into detail about anything. He said the same. But since then, I have been getting mixed signals from him. When I’m in the mood to talk/text, he isn’t. He is very short and just says he doesn’t feel like texting. Which, he wasn’t a big texter to begin with so I have sort of gotten used to it. But then this morning he was texting me a lot. So I asked if we were going to hangout today and he just said, “Dunno. I’ll let you know.” and then we didn’t really talk afterwards. And the conversation sort of died and we didn’t hangout. I’m not sure what is going on. I don’t know how to approach this. Do I step back and just let him decide what happens next?

[123waterbottle]

Thank you so much for your advice! I will be seeing him tomorrow once I’m off work and I’ll remind myself not to force anything and to just relax and go with the flow of things. Try to playfully mention the dating profiles and see where that goes. 🙂

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