[Natalie Noah]

the first thing that jumps out is that you’ve involved your friend in your feelings and your relationship with this girl, which immediately complicates trust. You can’t control what he says or does, and the fact that he knows so much about your feelings and your dynamic with her has put you in a position where jealousy, suspicion, and manipulation are natural outcomes. At this point, worrying about him is mostly wasted energy you can’t change his actions, and obsessing over what he might be doing or saying only adds stress and drama that affects your clarity.

your relationship with this girl is still very undefined. You say you’re not serious, yet you’re acting highly invested, and that confusion is likely feeding her own uncertainty. If you want her to be open and honest with you, she needs to feel safe and respected, not pressured. Cutting contact, testing her, or trying to make her tell you things she doesn’t want to share will not build trust it will make her retreat. Trust and frankness grow naturally when people feel secure, cared for, and unjudged. Right now, she’s dealing with two men’s influence: your friend’s interference and your conflicting signals. That’s a lot for anyone to navigate.

you need to clarify your own intentions. Are you truly interested in her as a partner, or is part of this about winning against your friend? Right now, it seems like both are tangled together, which is making your approach inconsistent and confusing. Women can sense that; they respond to clear intentions and consistent behavior, not games or competing agendas. If you want this relationship to have a chance, you must focus on her, not your friend, not what you think she might be hiding, and not proving anything to anyone else.

if your goal is to build a real connection, it’s time to simplify: focus on her, express your feelings honestly and respectfully, and don’t try to manipulate the situation with silence, jealousy, or tests. Respect her pace, be trustworthy, and let the relationship grow naturally. If she isn’t willing to meet you halfway, then it’s a signal to step back painful, yes, but necessary for your own emotional wellbeing. Love that’s tangled with competition, secrecy, and control rarely becomes healthy or lasting.

[Natalie Noah]

Reading this, I can feel the intensity of your emotions, it’s clear you really care about her, and the way you describe missing her and feeling physically affected shows just how deep your attachment is. my first thought is that while your feelings are real and powerful, letting them control your actions or overwhelm you will make it harder, not easier, to connect with her. Right now, you’re caught in a space of nervousness and self-doubt, which makes expressing yourself naturally almost impossible. Women are drawn to confidence, calmness, and presence, even more than raw emotion. So the challenge isn’t to suppress your feelings, but to learn how to manage them so you can express them in a way that’s attractive and not overwhelming.

The key is to shift from “I have to tell her how I feel” to “I want to get to know her better and share parts of myself in a meaningful way.” Start small: show interest in her life, listen actively, share experiences, and let your bond grow naturally. If you do want to confess your feelings, consider writing a thoughtful note or letter where you can express yourself clearly without panicking, rather than trying to blurt it out in person when your nerves take over. And most importantly, remember. her response is not a reflection of your worth. Your goal isn’t to force love, it’s to create connection and space for something real to develop over time.

[Natalie Noah]

It sounds like you’re in a really tough spot, and your feelings of mistrust and hurt are completely valid given what you’ve discovered. my perspective is that what you’ve found doesn’t automatically prove cheating, but it does signal boundaries being crossed that matter to you. Emotional intimacy, secretive behavior, and deleted messages can deeply affect trust in a relationship. Her framing it as “just friendship” while you see evidence that feels flirtatious or hidden isn’t something to dismiss. your feelings matter. At the same time, accusing or controlling her won’t help; instead, you need a serious, calm conversation about what’s acceptable for both of you, what boundaries feel safe, and whether the relationship can continue with mutual trust. This is about defining respect and transparency, not about policing her friendships.

[Natalie Noah]

Yousaf, reading your situation, it sounds like you really like Fatima, but the way you’re approaching her right now is a bit rushed and intense for someone her age. She’s 16, you’re 18, and she’s still figuring out her own feelings and comfort levels. so pushing too fast with hand-touching or declarations of love can scare her away, even if she’s a little curious about you. The best approach is to slow down, focus on small, friendly interactions, and find shared interests like sports to naturally connect. Smile, say hello, make light conversation, and invite her to do something low-pressure that she enjoys. Compliments should be simple and genuine like noticing her effort in a sport or her smile not about love or romance yet. Give her space, let her respond at her own pace, and remember that friendship and trust come first; if she’s interested, things will grow naturally from there.

[Natalie Noah]

you’ve been investing emotionally in someone who clearly has moved on. I know it’s painful to accept, especially after being so close for three years and feeling like your bond was special, but the reality is that she has set her boundary by saying she doesn’t want to be in a romantic relationship with you. Continuing to try to win her back by texting first constantly or trying to “be her friend” isn’t going to make her feelings change. in fact, it can push her further away. Right now, your focus needs to shift from convincing her to come back to respecting her decision and protecting your own emotional health.

The advice April gave is spot-on: trying to be her best friend while still having romantic feelings for her is almost impossible and usually ends in frustration. Friendship requires honesty and emotional balance, and when one person wants more, it can’t be a true, comfortable friendship. You’re essentially keeping yourself stuck in a loop where you’re hoping for something that’s not going to happen, which stops you from being available to other people who could reciprocate your feelings fully. Letting go is difficult, yes, but it’s also the only way you can move forward and start seeing opportunities for healthy relationships elsewhere.

Stop initiating contact for now no more texts, calls, or attempts to arrange meetings. Focus on your own life: hobbies, social circles, and personal growth. Give yourself the space to process your feelings and heal. As hard as it is to hear, sometimes the best way to “win someone back” isn’t to chase them it’s to show that you’re living a full, confident life without needing their validation. That’s when you become most attractive, not just to her, but to anyone who truly values you. Your heart deserves someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them, and that’s where your energy belongs.

[Natalie Noah]

Sweetheart, reading your story, the first thing I notice is how grounded and thoughtful you are about your own boundaries and what you want. You’re approaching dating as a single mom in a measured, careful way, which is exactly what you need right now. The new guy seems like he genuinely likes you. he wants to show you off to friends, he’s met your family, and he’s made a fun connection with your son without overstepping. Those are all very positive signs. My advice would be to keep enjoying this dating stage, continue getting to know him, and allow the relationship to develop naturally without rushing into labels or commitments. You’re doing everything right by taking things slow and ensuring you feel emotionally safe before saying “I love you” or making bigger commitments.

Regarding your ex, it’s clear he’s struggling with the idea that your life has moved on, and his jealousy and manipulative texting are attempts to regain control. You’re handling it well by keeping communication strictly about your child. Practicing boundaries consistently waiting a day or two to respond when it’s not urgent, not engaging in drama, and maintaining co-parenting professionalism will slowly reinforce that your relationship with him is over, except for parenting responsibilities. It’s exhausting, yes, but it’s also the healthiest approach for you and your son. The more neutral and controlled you stay, the less power he has to affect your emotional life.

As for the military ball and meeting his friends, don’t overthink it. Being yourself is enough let your confidence shine through, even if you feel a little nervous. For the dress, figure out whether it’s black tie or semi-formal, and pick a style that makes you feel elegant and confident; it’s about showing up feeling good, not stressing over every detail. And the “L-word” question? Absolutely wait until you feel genuinely ready there’s no timeline, and love spoken too soon can create pressure rather than joy. Let your relationship breathe, savor these early months, and continue enjoying the fun, meaningful connection you’re building. You’ve got this, and it sounds like something really wonderful is starting for you.

[Natalie Noah]

You did everything almost exactly right by being friendly, confident, and asking for her number. Now you need to do two simple things: chill and be purposeful. Give her some space (no barrage of “hey” texts), then send one short, specific, low-pressure message in a day or two something like, “Hey my dogs and I are walking X park Sat at 4. Want to join for 20 minutes?” that’s an easy yes/no and frames it as casual. If she doesn’t respond or says no, drop it gracefully. People ghost for lots of reasons that have nothing to do with your worth; pushing only makes you look needy. You’ve already shown interest now let her decide and keep your dignity.

About the high-school girl: accept what her friend told you and reset your expectations. You can absolutely be friends but don’t try to “fix” or nag to win her back. Reach out with one friendly, non-romantic note (something upbeat about the trip you both planned or a shared joke), then show up on that vacation as the relaxed, fun guy you were when you connected. Be warm, useful and unbothered; if friendship is possible she’ll come around, and if not you’ll have saved yourself weeks of heartache. Either way, living confidently and having options is the most attractive thing you can do.

[Natalie Noah]

The biggest thing I hear in your message isn’t that you’re doing something wrong it’s that you’re trying to force connection in places where you don’t actually feel grounded or fully yourself. You’re going to a college you don’t attend just to “feel normal,” and then hoping romance will appear there. That already puts pressure on you, because instead of living your own life, you’re orbiting someone else’s environment trying to fit in. Attraction grows best when your life has roots interests, hobbies, friendships, goals not when you’re hovering around waiting for lightning to strike. Girls don’t reject you because something is wrong with you; they simply don’t know you, and right now your approach (going up to random girls and directly asking them out without any foundation) feels abrupt. Not aggressive just too sudden for most women who don’t have a sense of who you are yet. A smile means she’s open to conversation, not that she likes you. Connection starts with small talk, shared interests, repeated interactions… not jumping straight to “Do you want to go out with me?”

And about liking three girls at once sweetheart, that’s not love or even deep interest. That’s loneliness mixed with longing. You’re spreading your attention everywhere because you’re hoping someone will choose you, instead of building one meaningful connection at a time. And that’s why everything feels confusing. You don’t need to “pick” one of the three you need to build a life where you naturally meet people through shared interests, not random chance. Volunteering, social clubs, learning something new, taking a class you genuinely enjoy, joining a hobby group these give you confidence and conversation skills. And yes, quiet men get girlfriends all the time but the quiet men who thrive are the ones who know how to be present, kind, curious, and socially capable, even in a gentle way. You don’t need to wait for love, and you don’t need to chase it desperately. You need to live your life fully… and when you do, the right woman won’t feel like a fantasy from across the room she’ll feel like someone who steps naturally into your world because you finally built one.

[Natalie Noah]

Sweetheart… from everything you described, this isn’t a man who didn’t like you he absolutely did. He showed it in his own way: paying for dinners, spending time with you, buying you that speaker without you asking, picking you up at the airport, taking you places that mattered to you. Those are not the actions of someone indifferent. But the part that matters most isn’t whether he had feelings… it’s that his behavior was inconsistent. He moved forward when he felt comfortable, then pulled away or disappeared when it required effort or clarity. That’s not a lack of attraction. That’s a lack of emotional reliability.

And I know it’s confusing, because he blurred the lines acting like a boyfriend on some days, then acting like a casual acquaintance on others. Gentle teasing, “teenager” moments, long walks, dinners… and then forgetting to call you back after saying he would. A man who is truly ready for a relationship especially at your age, where people know themselves does not “forget” to respond about plans he agreed to consider. That wasn’t forgetfulness. That was avoidance masked as passivity. When people are afraid of disappointing you, but not invested enough to prioritize you, they hide behind vague excuses. That’s exactly what he did.

What stands out most is what you said: you need people who are careful with you. That’s such a powerful, self-respecting insight. Because it tells me you’re not looking for a man to chase or decode you’re looking for a partner. Someone thoughtful, consistent, and emotionally present. This man liked you, but he wasn’t careful with your time, your feelings, or the dignity of your invitation. He let you hang, he didn’t follow through, and he left you confused more than he left you cherished. That’s not laziness that’s emotional immaturity dressed up as charm.

So honestly? I think you made the right call in stepping back. Not because he didn’t care but because caring isn’t enough if the behavior can’t support the relationship you want. Attraction alone is never the reason to stay in something unstable. You deserve someone who values you without hesitation, who follows through, who doesn’t disappear, and who doesn’t make you feel like you have to chase clarity. You’re not wrong. You’re not overreacting. You’re simply recognizing your worth… and choosing peace over confusion. And that, my love, is the most grown, self-loving move you could possibly make.

[Natalie Noah]

It makes perfect sense that you’re confused, sweetheart, anyone in your position would be. When a woman acts affectionate, introduces you to her family, makes plans with you, cuddles with you, and builds emotional closeness… but still keeps her dating profile active and avoids the label, it naturally makes you wonder where you stand. But from everything you described, her behavior isn’t the behavior of someone who sees you as casual. She’s clearly growing attached to you she’s just doing it cautiously. What you’re bumping into isn’t a lack of interest… it’s fear. She was deeply hurt by her ex-fiancé, and people who have been betrayed often open their heart slowly. Keeping the profile active isn’t a sign that you’re “not enough”; it’s emotional self-protection. It’s her way of making sure she never feels trapped or blindsided again.

Right now, she’s letting you in more and more just at a pace that feels safe for her. Your role isn’t to push or demand clarity; it’s simply to stay steady and consistent so she can relax into trusting you. Let things unfold a little longer. She’s already showing signs that she sees you as someone meaningful the way she includes you in her world, the way she softens around you, the way she didn’t mind being mistaken for your girlfriend. When she feels completely secure with you, she will close that dating profile on her own. And when she chooses you, it will be because she truly feels safe, not because you pressured her. That kind of choice is worth waiting for.

[Natalie Noah]

honey… I read every word you wrote, slowly, carefully. You’re not “rambling.” You’re trying to untangle two very different but connected things: your heart waking up for the first time in adulthood and the complexity of being involved with someone older, busier, and in a position of authority. This is big, and it makes sense that you feel overwhelmed. So let me walk with you through this gently and honestly.

let’s acknowledge the emotional truth: you really like him. Not in a shallow, college-crush way in a way that feels meaningful, intellectual, respectful, and exciting. And he clearly likes you too. The long conversations, remembering details from months ago, physical closeness, choosing vegetarian so you could share, the comfortable way he sits beside you that’s not nothing. There is a connection. But a connection alone isn’t enough to carry a relationship when life circumstances are uneven. He’s finishing a PhD which is like having three full-time jobs at once and you’re just stepping into adulthood. That imbalance isn’t wrong, but it is real, and you’re feeling the weight of it in the form of inconsistency.

your fear of seeming “clingy” is really just the fear of caring more than he does. That fear makes perfect sense because your emotional style is steady, thoughtful, and commitment-oriented… while his life right now is chaotic, deadline-driven, and unpredictable. You want weekly dates because consistency makes you feel valued and secure. He is likely in survival mode academically and isn’t thinking in weekly increments he’s thinking in semesters, research cycles, and deadlines. That mismatch doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you. It means you two need clarity on expectations, because without it you’ll feel unsteady, unwanted, and confused.

your sexual inexperience is not a liability. Not even remotely. What you’re calling “naive” is actually intention. You want your experiences to happen in the right relationship with the right person. That’s maturity. Older men especially thoughtful, academic ones tend to respect that deeply. Don’t twist yourself into knots worrying that he’ll run because you’re not as experienced. If anything, the fact that he responded respectfully shows you he’s not trying to rush or use you. But it also means you need emotional closeness and consistency before physical intimacy and that requirement is something you should honor, not hide.

the biggest issue here isn’t age, sex, or even time together, it’s communication and balance. You’re carrying the emotional load of the relationship: worrying about frequency, pacing your expectations, wondering if he still likes you, trying not to appear needy. Meanwhile, he’s drifting in and out, apologizing when he disappears for weeks, but not offering a structure that helps you feel secure. You don’t need constant attention you just need reliability. And if this is going to grow into something real, you’re going to have to gently lovingly ask for what you need. Something like: “I know your schedule is intense, but I feel most connected when we check in regularly or see each other at least every couple of weeks. What feels realistic for you right now?” A healthy, emotionally mature man won’t be scared by that; he’ll appreciate the clarity.

Here’s the deeper truth I want you to hold: you’re not wrong for wanting a relationship that feels warm, steady, and mutual. You don’t have to shrink your needs because he’s older or busy. If he wants something meaningful with you and I think he might he’ll meet you halfway when you communicate clearly. If he can’t, then his life stage may not be compatible with what your heart needs right now. And that’s not a failure on either side it’s just the truth. For now, stay open, stay honest, and don’t chase. Let him show you his level of interest through consistency, not just chemistry. You deserve a love that feels like partnership, not waiting.

[Natalie Noah]

This is messy, exhausting, and it makes perfect sense you feel torn. You’ve already done the brave work of paying attention to the patterns: the late-night text to another woman, the repeated lying about her, the long-term living with his father while he carries big debts, the way “marriage” becomes a promise only after pressure or drama. Those are not small, fixable misunderstandings. they’re repeated data points about how he handles responsibility, honesty, and emotional availability. Your instincts that something’s off are valid. Trusting them doesn’t make you cynical; it makes you wise.

I want you to name what you actually need before you accept anything permanent. You said it yourself: you want stability, someone who will show up for you and your kids, not someone who intermittently showers you with romance but keeps a separate life on the side. That means you need transparency (no secret contacts), follow-through on big life items (housing, finances, a plan that isn’t just “next year”), and consistent emotional safety not promises delivered when he’s desperate to win you back. Those are concrete things you can ask for and measure. If he can’t meet them, it’s not a failure of you it’s a mismatch of goals.

Proposals and flowers can be intoxicating, especially after a dramatic break-up-and-win-back cycle, but a ring is not a substitute for trust. The fact he proposed after the NYE texts and a period of hiding suggests he’s willing to escalate when motivated, but it doesn’t prove he’s genuinely reformed. You’re allowed to insist on time and proof: meet this other woman’s existence openly, show you he’s cut contact, share his finances and a realistic timeline for independence, and let you meet his kids with no strings attached. If he balks at those reasonable requests, that’s a red flag, not a lack of faith on your part.

Protect your emotional world and your children. You don’t owe him your future just because he’s romantic or because you fear being alone. Consider a clear plan: set a short, private timeline (you mentioned three months elsewhere) during which he must demonstrate concrete changes no secret contacts, financial steps toward independence, and joint counseling or planning for blending families. If he meets them, great proceed slowly and with care. If he doesn’t, be prepared to walk away knowing you did your best and chose your kids’ and your own stability over uncertainty.

Get support while you decide. Talk to a trusted friend or a counselor who can hold you steady when your heart rushes and your fear of loss clouds judgment. Practice small boundaries now. reserve alone time, keep dating yourself (friends, interests), and remind yourself that being single is survivable and often the healthiest choice if the alternative is marrying into unresolved dishonesty. You deserve a partner who makes your life simpler and more joyful not someone who constantly amplifies your anxiety. I’m with you; trust the steady voice inside that wants safety for you and your children.

[Natalie Noah]

You didn’t just lose your virginity you opened your heart for the first time in a real, vulnerable way. And you opened it with someone who was safe enough to explore with, but not stable enough to build with. That’s why everything feels twice as intense. The sex, the cuddling, the pet names, the late-night talks… those are relationship behaviors, even if you both called it “fun.” Your heart bonded. His didn’t. Not because you’re not enough but because he never intended to let it go that far. He gets the warmth of you, the comfort of you, and the intimacy of you without ever having to step into responsibility or emotional accountability. When you asked him about a future, he didn’t say “never,” but he also didn’t give you even a hint of “yes.” That’s not confusion that’s clarity. He’s keeping you in his world as long as it stays convenient, casual, and easy. And my love, your feelings reached a depth that his intentions never matched.

You are craving partnership now not just sex, not just company. You want emotional safety, someone who shows up for you, someone who’s there in the hard moments, not just the heated ones. And he can’t give you that… not because he’s cruel, but because he doesn’t see you the way you see him. Every time you pull away, he lets you come back because he likes what you give him the comfort, the closeness, the connection without having to offer the commitment you need. But that dynamic will break your heart slowly if you stay. You don’t have to hate him, and you don’t have to make him the villain. But you do have to choose you. You’re not “wayward,” darling… you’re growing, awakening, and realizing you deserve to be someone’s choice, not someone’s convenience. If you want, I can help you figure out how to detach, how to let go gently, or how to rebuild your self-worth after this kind of emotional confusion. Just tell me what your heart needs next.

[Natalie Noah]

What you’re describing isn’t sensitivity, and it isn’t “joking.” It’s emotional abuse the kind that chips away at your self-worth slowly, quietly, and always at the moments when you’re most open. Someone who insults you out of nowhere during calm, happy moments isn’t losing control… they’re exerting it. This pattern love you, tear you down, confuse you, blame you, then “love you” again is classic cycle-of-abuse behavior. He’s attacking your confidence so you start doubting yourself instead of doubting him. And when you react like any normal human would, he flips the narrative and tells you that you are the problem. That is manipulation, not miscommunication — and definitely not love. A man who loves you does not wait until you’re soft and vulnerable to stab you emotionally and then call the wound “a joke.”

You are not too sensitive. You are not weak. You are someone whose heart is trying to survive in a place where it’s constantly being stepped on. He’s keeping you in a psychological fog tearing you down, then pulling you close just enough to keep you from leaving. That push-pull dynamic is why you feel confused and guilty when he is the one hurting you. This is not healthy, and it’s not going to magically get better because he doesn’t see anything wrong with what he’s doing. Please, my love… don’t explain this away as stress, medication, or “just his humor.” People do not accidentally break someone down this consistently. You deserve safety, tenderness, and a partner who protects your heart not one who bruises it for sport. If you want, I can tell you the signs to watch for next, or how to emotionally detach safely. Just say the word.

[Natalie Noah]

this girl isn’t confused about you. She’s confused about herself. Everything she’s doing lighting up when she talks about you, agreeing to plans, canceling plans, pulling close and then pushing away that isn’t about your worth. That’s the behavior of someone who’s emotionally bruised and scared to trust again. She likes you, truly. That night meant something to her. But she’s still standing in the doorway of her last relationship, and she hasn’t stepped fully out yet. When someone is still grieving or shocked from a breakup, they often say conflicting things because their heart and their fear aren’t on the same page.

The truth is… she enjoys you. She feels good around you. You’re safe, fun, respectful, and you made her feel wanted again. But every time she starts to soften toward you, that little voice inside her whispers, “Don’t get hurt again.” So she pulls back, labels it “just friends,” or says she’s not ready. Then, when the loneliness creeps in or she misses the connection, she reaches out again like texting that she stayed in town. This isn’t manipulation. This is a tired heart trying to protect itself while still craving closeness.

And baby… I need you to hear this gently: you’re fighting for something she’s not ready to fight for yet. That doesn’t mean she’ll never be ready but right now you’re trying to build a relationship with someone whose emotional door keeps swinging shut. That’s why you feel confused, anxious, hopeful, hurt, excited all at once. You’re pouring energy into her because the connection felt rare to you. But if you’re not careful, you’ll start shaping yourself around her fear rather than your own worth. Wanting her is beautiful. Chasing her without boundaries is dangerous for your heart.

So here’s the loving, honest truth: don’t give up on her, but stop pushing. Stop proving. Stop showing how patient you can be. Let her meet you halfway truly halfway not halfway in words, but halfway in effort. Keep your intentions clear, stay respectful, stay warm… but let her be the one to initiate sometimes. If she wants something real, she’ll move toward you when she’s ready. And if she never does, it won’t be because you weren’t enough it’ll be because she wasn’t healed enough to receive you. Your job isn’t to fix her heart. It’s to protect yours while staying open.

[Member]

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