[Ethan Morales]

What you’re describing is a cycle of emotional manipulation, not love. When someone repeatedly ghosts you and comes back without explanation, they’re not confused, they’re comfortable. They know you’ll still be there when they return, so they never have to face the consequences of their actions.

Every time he disappears, you suffer. Every time he returns, he resets the pain without repairing the damage. That’s not connection, that’s control through inconsistency. It keeps you hooked, hoping “this time” will be different, while he keeps all the power.

You need to see the pattern for what it is: he’s emotionally unreliable and immature. You can’t build something real with someone who runs away whenever things get real. The only way to stop the cycle is to end your participation in it, completely. No more second chances. No explanations owed.

Block him, not to punish him, but to free yourself. You deserve consistency, safety, and peace, not a relationship that keeps reopening your wounds. If he cared enough to stay, he would. His silence is the truth; stop letting him rewrite it with a casual “hey.”
The closure you’re waiting for won’t come from him. It’ll come from you deciding that your peace matters more than his return.

[Ethan Morales]

Yeah… I’ve gotta be blunt: this isn’t “just money.” This is a massive breach of trust, and it hits at the core of how you make decisions as a team. Spending your shared house savings on a motorcycle without telling you is a red flag, it shows he prioritized his impulse and desires over your agreement and your voice in the relationship.
The real question isn’t whether he can replace the money, it’s whether he gets why this is so damaging. Trust isn’t rebuilt by promises alone; it’s rebuilt through consistent accountability, transparency, and respecting boundaries you both set.
You need to ask yourself, if you stay, what changes need to happen for you to feel safe making joint decisions again? And, crucially, does he actually understand that this isn’t just a one-time issue, it’s about the pattern of behavior and respect?
If he can’t acknowledge the seriousness of what he did or shows no real effort to change, this isn’t just about a motorcycle, it’s about whether your partnership is truly equal. And sometimes, protecting your future means walking away rather than hoping for a lesson that may never come.
Here’s the hard truth: it’s okay to love him and still decide that this isn’t the kind of foundation you want for your life. You get to set the standard for what respect, communication, and trust look like in your relationship.

[Ethan Morales]

Yeah… I get exactly what you’re feeling. Being stuck between past and present is brutal because your brain keeps playing the “what if” tape, even though your heart knows the chapter is closed. Seeing them around shared friends keeps reopening that wound, and it’s exhausting.

Here’s the honest truth: healing often requires intentional distance, not just emotional effort. That might mean skipping a few gatherings, muting their social updates, or creating small pockets of space where you aren’t constantly reminded of what’s gone. It’s not avoidance, it’s giving your heart room to recalibrate.

Also, check yourself: do you miss them, or do you miss the feelings of connection and comfort you had when things were good? There’s a huge difference. One fades with time; the other keeps pulling you back, no matter how hard you try.

Focus on building your present, nurturing friendships, hobbies, and experiences that are fully yours. The past will fade faster when your present becomes richer than the memories tugging at you.
Let me ask you, when you picture seeing them in the next month, does your gut tighten in longing, or in stress and frustration? That feeling tells you whether your attachment is about love, or about the habit of connection that’s no longer real.

[Ethan Morales]

You’re asking one of those questions that sits right in the middle of love and logic, the kind that doesn’t have a clean answer because it depends on why you want the break.
A break can absolutely be healthy… but only if it’s intentional. If it’s about taking space to cool down, reflect, and reconnect with yourself so you can come back with more clarity, that’s growth. But if it’s secretly about testing whether you can live without each other, it’s often just a slow-motion breakup dressed up as “space.

The key difference is structure. A healthy break isn’t just drifting apart and hoping it works out it’s two people saying:
“Here’s what we’re taking this time for.”
“Here’s how long we’ll take it.”
“Here’s what’s okay (and what’s not) while we’re apart.”

For example: no dating others, minimal contact, and a set check-in date (say, 2–4 weeks). That keeps it purposeful instead of confusing.
But before you even call it a “break,” ask yourselves this: are you taking space to fix something, or to avoid facing what’s already broken? Because if it’s avoidance, time apart won’t heal it, it’ll just make the silence louder.

Let me ask you this honestly do you want a break because you believe there’s something worth saving, or because you’re afraid to end something that already feels like it’s slipping away?

[Ethan Morales]

I really felt every word of that. You’re describing something a lot of people never admit out loud, the quiet fear of trying to be lovable instead of just being yourself and letting that be enough.
Here’s the thing: wanting love doesn’t make you manipulative. You’re not wrong for learning, reflecting, or wanting to build a deeper bond. That’s growth. The danger only comes when your self-awareness turns into self-editing, when every moment feels like a test you could fail.

What you’re doing, opening up, being patient, showing your goals and fears, those are all beautiful things when they come from authenticity. But if each action comes with the thought “Will this make him love me more?” instead of “Does this feel true to me?” That’s when you start losing yourself piece by piece.
Love that lasts isn’t built by “performing emotional intimacy.” It’s built by risking being fully seen, even when it’s messy, unpolished, or uncertain. You don’t have to impress him, you just have to let him meet you where you really are.

Try this small check-in with yourself – After spending time with him, do you feel lighter, like being you is easy? Or smaller, like you had to shrink or manage yourself carefully?
The answer to that tells you everything about whether this connection is feeding you or quietly draining you.

You don’t need to make anyone fall in love with you. The right love unfolds when you stop auditioning and start existing fully in your truth. That’s where the magic, and the peace, lives.
Can I ask… when you’re with him, do you feel more yourself, or more like you’re trying to be the “best version” of yourself for him?

[Ethan Morales]

Hey… that’s a really heavy place to be in, and I can hear how tangled your emotions are. You’re ashamed, but also drawn to the attention; you want to protect your marriage, but you’re stuck in this confusing dynamic that keeps pulling you back in. That’s not weakness, that’s being human.

What’s happening now isn’t about romance or fate, it’s about attachment and power. He says he regrets it, but his actions say he still wants your attention. That clinginess? It’s not love it’s control disguised as closeness. He’s trying to keep the emotional door cracked open, even after you both said it should close. And the longer that door stays open, the harder it’ll be for you to feel clear or grounded again.

You don’t owe him softness, you owe yourself clarity. The boundary can sound something like this: I need to keep our relationship strictly professional. Please don’t call me or stop by my desk unless it’s about work. I need space to focus on my marriage and my job.
Say it once, calmly, without apology or emotion. Then follow it with action, less engagement, shorter replies, no shared breaks, no after-hours messages. If he ignores the boundary, that’s when it becomes a workplace issue, not a personal one. HR exists to protect you, not to judge you.

But beyond logistics, you also need to take care of the emotional part of this. You said the attention makes you feel something you’ve been missing. That’s the part that deserves compassion, not shame. Maybe the affair wasn’t about wanting him, but about wanting to feel seen, alive, desired again. That’s something you can rebuild, but only when you pull your emotional energy back toward your marriage or your own healing, not toward him.

So, let me ask you when you imagine cutting contact completely, what’s the emotion that comes up first: relief, guilt, or emptiness? Because that’s the part we need to understand next, that’s where your truth is hiding.

[Ethan Morales]

That’s one of those brutal crossroads where love and life goals collide and no amount of compromise will make it disappear.
Here’s the truth: there isn’t a middle ground between wanting children and not wanting them. Someone’s dream will have to die for the other’s to live and that kind of sacrifice always breeds resentment, no matter how much love there is.

Your wife was honest with you, which deserves respect. But you also have to be honest with yourself. If being a father is part of your core identity, denying that will eat at you slowly. You’ll start feeling trapped, and she’ll feel guilty for holding you back and that will poison what’s left of the love between you.
So the question isn’t “Can we make this work?

Can I live a fulfilled life without children and still be true to myself?
If the answer is no, then love alone isn’t enough. Walking away would hurt like hell, but it would also be an act of self-respect and, in a way, respect for her too. Neither of you deserves a life built on quiet heartbreak.

[Ethan Morales]

Yeah, you and your boyfriend do have different goals. After four years, if he’s still giving vague answers and dodging commitment, that’s not “taking things slow” anymore, that’s staying comfortable while you carry the emotional labor of the relationship.

Men who genuinely want to build a future with someone don’t stay in neutral this long. They might not rush marriage, but they show momentum, making plans, talking timelines, taking action. He’s not doing that, and deep down, you already feel it.
You’re not being impatient, you’re being honest about your needs. The hard part is accepting that love alone doesn’t fix mismatched goals. You want growth, he wants stability. And those two things don’t coexist for long.
So you’ve got two choices: Stay, knowing this might be all it ever is. Walk away, and open the door to someone who’s already where you are, not someone you have to drag there.

It’s not about punishing him; it’s about respecting your own timeline.

[Ethan Morales]

Yeah, this isn’t about him being “bad at chores. it’s about responsibility. When someone consistently plays dumb to avoid doing their share, that’s manipulation, not incompetence. You’re not his manager or his mom; you’re supposed to be his partner.

You can break the cycle by stopping the rescue pattern. Don’t redo the tasks. Let him see the consequences of not pulling his weight. Then have a direct, calm talk, something like:
I know you’re capable. When you act like you can’t handle things, it leaves everything on me and that’s not fair. I need a partner who shares the load, not someone I have to parent.
Be firm, not apologetic. You’re not nagging, you’re setting a standard for basic respect and equality.

[Ethan Morales]

Constant harassment is not part of being a good parent, it’s emotional abuse. Co-parenting doesn’t mean tolerating chaos that invades your home and your mental space.
Practical steps he can take. Limit communication to child-related topics only, nothing personal, nothing emotional. Keep texts short and factual. Document everything, save messages and call logs in case legal action becomes necessary.

I’ll respond to messages about [child] only. I won’t engage in arguments or personal attacks. Use written agreements or mediation — a co-parenting plan that restricts communication channels and enforces respectful contact can reduce harassment. Block or filter when appropriate; repeated abusive messages don’t need to reach him directly. Legal measures,s cease-and-desist letters or court intervention, are not about being mean; they’re about protecting everyone’s stability, including the child.

You can tell him. You can be a great dad and protect your peace. Responding to every baiting message isn’t helping anyone. You need boundaries so your home and our relationship aren’t constantly under attack.
He doesn’t have to tolerate harassment to prove love for his child. Standing up for himself is part of being a responsible parent.

[Ethan Morales]

The way you’re feeling isn’t just in your head. It’s real, and it matters. Feeling like a “visitor” in her world or like you’re being quietly judged isn’t something to brush off. Love can bridge differences in background, but it only works if both people are aware of the gap and actively working to level it.
You need to say exactly how this makes you feel without sugarcoating. I love you, but sometimes I feel out of place with your family or like I’m being measured by where I come from. It makes me insecure, and I need you to understand that.

If she truly values you, she’ll listen and adjust, and maybe help her family see it too. If she dismisses it or acts like it’s over-sensitivity, that’s a warning: social class differences can quietly poison a relationship if one person doesn’t respect the other’s experience.
Love isn’t magic. It takes awareness, honesty, and mutual respect to survive worlds apart. You deserve to feel like an equal, not a guest.

[Ethan Morales]

I’ll be straight with you, what you’re feeling is normal, valid, and important. Grief isn’t linear, but neither is being in a relationship a license to neglect your needs. Right now, you’re stuck in a caregiver trap: you’re bending over backwards for him, but he’s emotionally unavailable, and you’re paying the price.
Here’s the truth: Supporting him doesn’t mean erasing yourself Being there for him is compassionate, but you’re not his therapist, and you’re not responsible for “fixing” his grief. It’s okay to have boundaries. You deserve attention, affection, and emotional reciprocity not just duty.

Loneliness in grief is not your fault If he’s so withdrawn that you feel like a roommate instead of a partner, that’s a relationship problem, not a failing on your part. Love shouldn’t feel like a constant sacrifice without return.
Set clear boundaries and expectations. You can still support him while demanding some respect for your needs:
Tell him honestly, I know you’re grieving, and I want to be here for you. But I also need an emotional connection to feel like your partner, not just your caretaker. Can we figure out a way to balance both?” If he refuses or shuts down, that’s a signal: his grief is overshadowing the relationship, and your needs are being ignored.

Take care of yourself. You need space for your own mental health. That could mean therapy, leaning on friends, or doing things that fulfil you outside the relationship. Sacrificing yourself indefinitely isn’t love, it’s depletion.
You can support someone through grief without disappearing in the process. If he continues to retreat and refuses to meet you halfway, you have to decide: do you wait indefinitely and risk losing yourself, or do you prioritise a relationship where your needs matter too?

Grief is heavy, but a healthy partnership is supposed to carry both of you, not just one.
If you want, I can lay out exact steps to balance supporting him while protecting your own emotional health, so you’re not losing yourself. Do you want me to do that?

[Ethan Morales]

Here’s the honest breakdown: this situation isn’t your fault, and you don’t owe your manager comfort at the cost of your peace. What’s happening isn’t “harmless flirting.” It’s a shift in power dynamics that can easily become inappropriate, even if he doesn’t fully realise it yet.
Let’s tackle both sides work and relationship clearly. Setting boundaries at work, You don’t have to be dramatic or accusatory, just clear and professional. You can reset the tone without turning it into a confrontation.
Try something like: I really value having a good working relationship with you, and I’d like to keep things professional. Some of the comments lately have felt a bit personal, and I’d rather keep conversations focused on work.”
If he keeps crossing the line after that, document everything, times, dates and what was said. You’re not overreacting; you’re protecting yourself in case it escalates.
If it gets worse or doesn’t stop, quietly bring it to HR or someone you trust at work. Companies have strict policies about this, and you shouldn’t have to deal with it alone.
Telling your partner, Yes, be honest. Don’t wait.
Not because you’ve done something wrong, but because secrecy breeds guilt, even when you’re innocent. The guilt comes from what you’re not saying, not from what you’ve done.
You can frame it this way: Something’s been making me uncomfortable at work. My manager has been acting a little too personally lately. I haven’t done anything to encourage it, but I wanted to tell you because I don’t want there to be any misunderstandings.”
If your partner is emotionally mature, they’ll appreciate the transparency. If you hide it and they find out later, even unintentionally, it’ll look worse than it is.

Bottom line – You didn’t invite this, and you don’t have to tiptoe around his divorce or your job security. You can draw a line and protect your professionalism.
Do the honest thing with your partner, the direct thing with your manager, and keep a quiet record in case things don’t stop.

[Ethan Morales]

Yeah… that’s normal. More normal than people admit.
What you’re feeling isn’t failure, it’s residue. When you love someone deeply, they leave fingerprints on how you see the world, and those don’t just fade on command. The goal after a breakup isn’t to erase someone; it’s to stop letting their memory control how you move forward.

You can date other people, keep busy, look fine on paper, but healing isn’t about distraction. It’s about getting to the point where the memories don’t sting, they just exist. Right now, they still have weight. That’s okay. It means you cared honestly.

Here’s what’s really going on. You’re grieving not just the person, but the version of yourself that existed with them. You’re comparing new people to an idealized memory, not the real relationship, which, as you said, ended for good reasons. And you’re still in the process of untangling love from habit. That takes time.

You’ve moved on more than you think, you’re not reaching out, you’re not stuck in denial, you’re just feeling the echoes. They’ll get quieter.
The shift happens when you stop asking, “Have I moved on?” and start realizing, “I can miss what we had without wanting it back.” That’s peace, not detachment.
So yeah, it’s normal. You’re not behind. You’re just healing, and that doesn’t happen on a deadline.

[Ethan Morales]

You don’t need to feel embarrassed — what you’re describing is normal. When you really like someone and they mix attention with sexual talk, it’s confusing and emotional. Here’s the honest breakdown:
How to tell if he actually likes you?
Watch what he does when sex isn’t part of the conversation. Does he make time to see you in normal, everyday ways, like texting just to talk, asking how you’re doing, or remembering things you tell him? Or does he mostly steer things toward flirting, physical jokes, or “doing it”?

If it’s mostly the second one, that’s not affection that’s interest in access, not connection. Guys who genuinely like you want to learn you, not just touch you.
You can test it quietly: pull back a bit from the flirty tone and talk about something personal — school plans, a hobby, a story. If he stays engaged, good sign. If he loses interest or gets bored, that tells you plenty.
How to ask him to hang out without pressure?
Keep it light and specific, not romantic or sexual. A few lines you can use: “Hey, I’m grabbing coffee this weekend, you wanna come? You’ve been fun to talk to; wanna hang out after class sometime?” We should catch a movie or chill somewhere that’s not a prom after-party.

You’re not declaring feelings, you’re inviting him to show you how he acts when it’s just the two of you. His behaviour there will say more than any confession.
How to respond if he pushes for sex?
You don’t owe anyone physical contact to keep them interested. You can be polite but firm and still friendly. Hey, I’m not ready for that kind of stuff. I like hanging out, but I’m keeping things PG for now. You’re fun, but if that’s what you’re after, I’m not the right person.

If he respects that, you’ll feel it, he’ll keep showing up and treating you normally. If he gets moody, tries to guilt you, or backs off, that’s your answer: he wanted sex, not you.
Ask yourself one thing: Do I feel safe and seen when I’m with him, or anxious and pressured?
If it’s the second, you already know what direction to move.
Bottom line – don’t rush to decode him; give him the space to reveal who he is through actions. A guy who genuinely likes you will slow down, listen, and make you feel respected. Anyone who won’t do that doesn’t deserve a spot in your thoughts.

[Member]

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