[Ethan Morales]

You’re not being picky, you’re being sane. At 57, you know what you want and what you won’t tolerate, and that’s worth protecting. R’s living situation sounds like emotional limbo, not closure. Kissing and hand-holding while still sharing a house and a bedroom with someone else, even a “dead” relationship, is a setup for shame, secrecy, or future hurt. You already spotted the most likely outcome: intimacy with him, followed by him “going home.” That’s a lousy equation for a grown-up romance.

Put a boundary in plain language and let it do the work. If you want to move forward with him, require a concrete step he moves out, or he ends the house-situation and gives you a clear timeline and proof of that choice. Not because you want to micromanage his life, but because you deserve clarity before you invest emotionally and physically. Ask for a short, sensible timeline (weeks, not years). If he can’t or won’t do that, step back; flirting and weekend kisses are fine as long as you treat them as exactly that fun, not the start of something official.

Don’t stop living your life while he figures it out. Keep seeing people, keep the October dinner on the table if it sparks you, keep your bike club adventures. You’ve got options and agency; leaning into them will keep you from being the consolation prize. Let him show he values you enough to make a clean choice words and wistful wishes aren’t the same as action.

Trust your gut. You already answered the important question you need closure on his past before starting a future with him. If he loves you, he’ll act. If he doesn’t, you’ll save months of heartache by walking away now. Either way, you stay true to yourself, and that’s the right thing.

[Ethan Morales]

That’s a heavy one and I think April handled it in a way that cuts through the shock factor and gets straight to the truth of it. The core of what she’s saying isn’t meant to shame the fetish, but to make you understand that your safety and emotional well-being have to come first. There’s a big difference between fantasy and real-world behaviour, and part of growing into your sexuality is learning where that line is not just for your sake, but for others too.

Let’s be honest, what you’re describing is a fetish that lives at the intersection of pain, power, and attention. There’s nothing inherently “evil” or “broken” about having an unusual kink; human sexuality is complex. But when that desire crosses into something that can cause lasting injury or that involves someone else’s discomfort or consent boundaries, that’s where it becomes dangerous. April’s point about physical harm isn’t just theoretical testicular trauma can lead to lifelong issues. You can’t really separate that risk from the fantasy.

What stands out to me is how much rejection you’ve experienced around this, and how that’s probably fed into a feeling of isolation. You’ve tried to share this part of yourself, but because it’s so unusual, it’s been met with misunderstanding or disgust. That can really sting. But here’s the thing instead of trying to “convince” people in your everyday life to indulge it, the healthier path is to seek spaces that are built for these kinds of fetishes safe, consensual, informed communities where there’s no coercion or confusion. That’s not something you can find on casual chat sites or by asking random people. It takes research, boundaries, and mutual respect.

I think there’s an emotional layer underneath this fetish that deserves attention. Often, when someone develops a strong fixation on something that involves pain or humiliation, it’s linked to early emotional wiring feelings of wanting control, release, or even punishment. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing; it just means there’s more going on beneath the surface than “I like this because it’s hot.” If you dig into that, maybe with a sex therapist who understands kink dynamics, you might uncover what this really represents for you and find safer, more fulfilling ways to experience it.

Notice that April doesn’t mock or judge you she’s pointing you back toward your agency. You can’t force someone to fulfil this desire, and you can’t keep chasing accidental or non-consensual scenarios hoping they’ll play out like your fantasy. What you can do is decide what kind of person you want to be sexually someone who pursues honest, safe, consensual connections, or someone who takes reckless risks for a momentary thrill. One path leads to shame and harm; the other leads to growth and genuine satisfaction.

Your sexuality doesn’t define your worth, but how you handle it does. Owning your fetish responsibly means accepting that not everyone will understand it, and that’s okay. You can still build intimacy, respect, and pleasure into your life. But you have to be careful with yourself both physically and emotionally. If you can redirect that curiosity toward understanding why this turns you on and how to express it safely, you’ll end up with a version of yourself that isn’t ruled by your fetish, but in control of it. That’s where real confidence begins.

[Ethan Morales]

That’s a really intense story, and honestly, it shows how much you care and how deeply you feel things. April Masini’s answer cuts straight to the truth, and I think she’s absolutely right. This isn’t really about her being confusing it’s about you being caught between two emotional extremes: wanting her, but also wanting peace. You’ve been acting from pain and impulse instead of clarity, and that’s why everything feels so chaotic. You love her, but your actions keep contradicting what you say you want.

From what you described, there’s a pattern of emotional whiplash one moment, you’re all in, pouring your heart out, and the next, you’re pulling away, saying you can’t do this anymore. That back-and-forth energy isn’t sustainable, and it’s leaving both of you unsure where you stand. Even though it comes from love and fear of loss, it’s creating confusion and mistrust. When April says “you’re confusing yourself,” she means that your indecision is bleeding into every part of your connection. Until you know what you truly want, there’s no stable ground for the two of you.

The other thing is love alone doesn’t make a relationship work. You can love someone with every fibre of your being and still not be good for each other right now. What’s happening between you two feels less like harmony and more like a cycle of craving and rejection, getting close, feeling the warmth, then pulling back out of fear or guilt. That’s emotional exhaustion disguised as passion. And it’s the kind of pattern that will only stop when one of you makes a firm choice and sticks to it.

If you truly want her back, then you need to show it through steady, emotionally grounded behaviour not grand gestures, late-night talks, or mixed signals. That means: no “booty call” arrangements, no comfort cuddles that reopen wounds. You’d have to rebuild the trust brick by brick, with patience and consistency. But if you realise you can’t give her (or yourself) that stability, the kindest thing is to step back and let both of you heal separately.

What’s also worth reflecting on is your self-awareness you already recognize that you bottle emotions, brush things off, and then explode when it’s too late. That’s the part of you that needs attention right now. Before you try to fix “us,” you need to fix “me.” Learn how to express yourself before things reach a breaking point. That kind of emotional maturity is what prevents this cycle from repeating, with her or anyone else.

April’s advice is spot on stop flipping between extremes. Choose one path, even if it’s painful. If it’s truly love, it’ll survive clarity. And if it’s just attachment mixed with regret, then letting go will eventually bring you peace. Either way, being honest with yourself is the only way out of this loop.

[Ethan Morales]

I think April Masini’s answer is grounded in emotional maturity and realism. She’s right: sometimes you can’t avoid hurting someone, especially when your truth doesn’t align with their expectations. From what you wrote, it’s clear you care deeply about this guy and don’t want to mislead him that’s actually a strong starting point. Wanting honesty while also wanting to protect someone’s feelings shows empathy, not manipulation.

If you look at it from his perspective, he’s emotionally invested. He’s texting, calling, even inviting you to travel with his parents that’s a big step, emotionally speaking. To him, that probably signals a deepening bond. But if your heart isn’t in a relationship right now, pretending or postponing the conversation will quietly build a larger emotional debt that you’ll both eventually have to pay. The earlier you’re honest, the smaller that cost will be.

What I like about April’s advice is her emphasis on behavior aligning with truth. You don’t necessarily have to sit him down for a dramatic talk you can begin by living your boundaries. If you’re not emotionally ready for a relationship, show it gently through your rhythm: don’t over-communicate, don’t make romantic commitments, and don’t act like a girlfriend. That consistent behavior will send a clear signal without cruelty.

That said, total silence or distance without context might feel confusing or cold to him so a short, kind conversation helps. Something like: “I care about you a lot, but I’m not in a place for a relationship right now. I really enjoy our time together, but I just want to be upfront.” It’s simple, but it’s honest and it gives him agency to decide how to move forward.

I also think your instinct to wait for the “right time” might be holding you hostage emotionally. There’s never a perfect moment life always has lawsuits, stress, or other chaos. If you hold off until things calm down, you might be waiting forever. Instead, find a gentle time, but not a perfect one. The goal isn’t to avoid hurting him it’s to respect him enough to give him the truth.

Ultimately, your compassion is your strength. You can care about someone deeply and still choose freedom. It’s not cruel; it’s self-aware. Relationships built on false hope cause more pain than short-term honesty. If you communicate kindly, he’ll remember your sincerity far more than the sting of disappointment.

[Ethan Morales]

From your description, it does sound like this guy is noticing you and is interested to some degree. The repeated staring, the timing of his appearances, and the subtle attention when you’re interacting with coworkers all suggest he’s curious or attracted. However, the behavior is inconsistent sometimes he avoids you, sometimes he stares which makes it hard to interpret definitively.

his avoidance when you are nearby could indicate shyness, insecurity, or simply a lack of confidence in approaching you. Many people show interest indirectly before making a direct move. That doesn’t necessarily mean he’s uninterested; it might just mean he’s unsure how to proceed. Your perception of being ignored could also be magnified by your own uncertainty about his intentions.

April Masini’s advice about not asking him out directly is sound. By initiating a date, you would be taking over the “chasing” role, which can obscure how much he truly wants to pursue you. Allowing him to take that step gives clarity. If he is genuinely interested, he will eventually ask, which confirms his intentions clearly and reduces the guesswork.

Flirting is a useful strategy here. Subtle cues smiling, playful teasing, light compliments, casual touches signal your interest without forcing a commitment or putting him on the spot. This allows him to gauge your receptiveness and can encourage him to act. At the same time, it protects your own energy and emotional investment, because you’re not putting yourself out fully before he demonstrates interest.

it’s also important to monitor your own emotional boundaries. If he never acts or the behavior remains ambiguous over time, you need to be willing to move on. Investing emotional energy in someone who isn’t stepping forward risks frustration or disappointment. Keeping your interactions light and playful ensures you maintain balance and perspective.

the key takeaway is patience, observation, and subtle encouragement. By letting him take the lead while signaling your interest through flirting, you create a natural space for him to demonstrate his intentions. If he’s serious about pursuing you, he’ll make a move. If not, you haven’t overextended yourself and can focus your attention elsewhere. Clarity comes from his actions, not your assumptions

[Ethan Morales]

it seems clear that your discomfort came primarily from a lack of transparency rather than any concrete evidence of wrongdoing. The night you describe involved unusual circumstances late hours, someone sleeping over on the couch, and a friend she hadn’t seen in a year all of which naturally triggered your suspicion. Your feelings are valid because, in intimate relationships, being kept in the loop helps build trust and security.

her explanation that she was trying to respect her friend’s privacy and handle his personal issues without betraying his trust makes sense. It frames her actions as clumsy rather than malicious. She wasn’t trying to hide a romantic interest; she was trying to navigate a tricky social situation, and in doing so, she underestimated how it would make you feel. That’s a mistake in judgment, not a red flag about character or fidelity.

you handled the situation well by addressing your discomfort directly and calmly. You didn’t accuse her or escalate the situation but instead discussed how her choices made you feel. This kind of open communication is crucial for building long-term trust. By bringing it up in a soft-spoken, constructive way, you gave her a chance to clarify, reflect, and agree on better communication going forward.

it’s important to recognize her personality and social style. You describe her as shy, private, and slightly socially inexperienced. These traits can lead to situations where she acts in ways that are confusing to her partner without any ill intent. Understanding this helps frame her actions in a context of naivety or awkwardness rather than deception.

this situation highlights a broader lesson: boundaries and communication are essential. You are not being “jealous” or controlling by asking for transparency about late-night plans, especially when a friend of the opposite sex is involved. Setting clear expectations about what makes you comfortable is healthy for both partners. The key is to frame these boundaries as a way to protect trust and closeness, not as a limitation on her autonomy.

overall, this does not appear to be a red flag about her intentions or loyalty. It was an awkward, borderline mishandled scenario that she recognized and apologized for, and both of you agreed to improve communication. If trust remains intact and she continues to act consistently with her character, this can be treated as a learning experience rather than a warning sign. Patience, open dialogue, and reinforcing mutual respect will help you both navigate similar situations in the future.

[Ethan Morales]

It’s obvious that the chemistry and emotional connection between you two is intense and rare. You both clearly care deeply for one another, and the mutual respect and friendship you share is a strong foundation. That said, strong chemistry alone doesn’t automatically make a relationship sustainable, especially when one or both of you are recovering from past trauma or complicated emotional baggage. Recognizing this distinction is critical for making wise decisions going forward.

her hesitancy about jumping into a relationship is valid and healthy. She has just come out of a difficult marriage, and she needs time to heal and regain a sense of independence. Her fear of losing herself in another relationship or being hurt again is not something to push past; it’s something to honor. Pressuring her to move faster, even subtly, could jeopardize both your personal and professional connection.

the fact that you are business partners co-owning and starting a business together adds a layer of complexity. Romantic involvement with someone you work with at such a deep level can easily blur boundaries, create conflicts of interest, or amplify emotions in ways that can affect the business. You both need clear boundaries and contingency plans in case things don’t work out romantically, so the professional side of your partnership remains intact.

your decision to take things slow is the healthiest approach at this point. By agreeing on a timeline and pacing the physical and emotional intimacy, you are respecting her healing process while allowing the relationship to develop naturally. This approach reduces the risk of overwhelming her and protects both your hearts in case the relationship struggles to maintain equilibrium in the early stages.

be aware of the emotional intensity when you’re together. The near-constant passion and mutual desire you describe is exhilarating, but it can also create unrealistic expectations for daily life. It’s important to focus on building communication, trust, and shared life goals, not just enjoying the physical and emotional high. These foundations will determine whether your connection has long-term viability beyond initial chemistry.

patience, empathy, and clear boundaries are key. Give her the space she needs without trying to “fix” her fears or rush the relationship. Continue nurturing your friendship, mutual respect, and professional partnership while letting the romantic aspect evolve naturally. If your bond is as strong as you believe, it will withstand the slow pacing, and when the timing is right, both of you will be ready for the next step.

[Ethan Morales]

It’s clear that you and she share a long history and a deep emotional connection. From your early friendship to the mutual attraction that’s persisted for years, there is an undeniable bond between you two. The intensity of your feelings, the way you recall her gestures and the shared history, suggest that you both care for each other in a meaningful, consistent way. That said, it’s important to recognize the age and maturity factor at 18, emotions feel overwhelming, but life and relationships are still in development.

The fact that she is currently in a relationship with someone else complicates things. Her actions during her previous visit initiating a kiss while under the influence indicate strong feelings for you, but they also show a level of emotional and moral ambiguity. It’s crucial to be cautious about interpreting her behavior as a guarantee of future actions or commitment. Alcohol, heightened emotions, and unresolved situations from the past can cloud judgment, and she may have been acting impulsively rather than making a fully considered choice.

It’s worth noting that her relationship with her current boyfriend is still ongoing. Even if she says she’ll return “without my boyfriend,” this does not automatically give you a green light to assume she’s leaving him or will make the same choices again. Respecting boundaries, including hers and the existence of her current relationship, is critical. Acting on assumptions or pursuing her aggressively could jeopardize both your friendship and any potential future romance.

Regarding your question about “true love,” it’s important to differentiate between deep emotional attachment and long-term compatibility. Love is not only about intensity or years of feelings; it’s also about respect, timing, shared values, and mutual growth. You clearly have a strong emotional bond, but whether it translates into a healthy adult relationship will depend on communication, maturity, and life circumstances. Your long history makes the potential stronger, but it’s not an automatic guarantee.

when she visits again, focus on observing her actions rather than overinterpreting gestures or unspoken intentions. Let her lead in terms of emotional and physical intimacy, and maintain clear personal boundaries. This will prevent you from being hurt if things don’t unfold as you hope. Expressing your feelings calmly and honestly, without pressuring her, will communicate your intentions and allow her to make her own decisions responsibly.

Patience and perspective are your best allies here. You’re at the start of adult life, heading into university in a new country, and both of you are still growing. You clearly care deeply for her, and that care is genuine, but rushing into assumptions or actions could backfire. Focus on building trust, mutual respect, and clear communication. If your feelings are truly aligned and both of you are willing to make intentional choices, then your bond has a chance to evolve into a meaningful, lasting relationship.

[Ethan Morales]

You are completely right that while you were broken up, you were free to make your own choices. A break-up, by definition, ends the exclusivity of a relationship unless you’ve explicitly agreed otherwise. So having been with someone else during that period does not make you “wrong” you were acting within your rights as a single person.

Your ex’s reaction is understandable from an emotional standpoint. Even knowing logically that you were free, it can sting for someone to process the reality of their partner being with someone else. His questions and repeated discussions are more about his own hurt and insecurity than about any moral failing on your part. Recognizing that this is about his feelings, not your behavior, can help you approach him with empathy while maintaining your boundaries.

To move forward, it’s important to set clear limits around discussion of the past. Gently but firmly communicate that you’re not going to provide details, because they don’t change the fact that the break allowed both of you to live independently. Emphasize that you both have decided to reunite and focus on building the relationship from here. By keeping the focus on your present commitment rather than the past actions, you give him the space to heal and the relationship a chance to grow without constant interrogation.

[Ethan Morales]

It’s clear that this man is treating you exceptionally well perhaps better than anyone you’ve ever dated. His attention, care, and consideration are unmistakable signs that he values you and your well-being. The gestures you described checking in on you, helping with errands, holding your hand in public, being affectionate and thoughtful are all very strong indicators of genuine interest and affection.

it’s important to acknowledge your own feelings: you’re clearly very drawn to him, and you notice your own excitement and happiness when he’s around. This is a positive signal, but it also suggests that your emotional investment is already high, which can make it easier to overlook potential concerns or inconsistencies. Awareness of this dynamic will help you maintain perspective as you get to know him better.

there is a notable concern regarding the education disparity and his self-perception. Even if you don’t see it as an issue, he may be internalizing societal or familial expectations, which could influence how he views himself and the relationship. This is not necessarily a deal breaker, but it’s something to observe and navigate sensitively. Pressuring him or dismissing his insecurities could backfire, so patience and gentle reassurance are key.

you also need to be mindful of the pace of the relationship. While his attentiveness is flattering, you’re still early in getting to know each other. Rapid emotional intensity can feel overwhelming for both parties and may lead to misunderstandings. It’s wise to maintain balance: reciprocate his affection naturally, but allow the relationship to evolve organically rather than trying to define it too quickly.

your reflections on previous relationships are very insightful. You’ve experienced dynamics where you were undervalued or taken for granted, and your instincts now are sharper. It’s understandable to feel cautious about sliding too quickly into a relationship that seems ideal, because you want to ensure that your emotional investment is matched by long-term compatibility, not just charm and attention.

the best approach is to let him lead in expressing romantic intent while you remain responsive and clear about your own boundaries and desires. Observe his actions over time, see how he communicates about exclusivity, and maintain open, honest communication without rushing. Your careful approach now will allow you to build a relationship based on mutual respect, affection, and understanding, rather than on intensity alone.

[Ethan Morales]

The pattern you’ve described with this girlfriend is deeply concerning. From the beginning, her behavior demonstrated a lack of prioritization of your relationship. Even early on, her friends and other male contacts influenced her decisions, and she repeatedly broke your trust. Trust is a cornerstone of any healthy long-term relationship, and her history shows a consistent pattern of undermining that trust.

it’s important to note that this cycle of breaking up and getting back together over two years reinforces instability. Every time you reconciled, there was hope for change, but she repeatedly reverted to behaviors that hurt you. This pattern isn’t “learning from mistakes” it’s an entrenched habit. People rarely change fundamentally unless they actively address their behavior, not just promise they have.

your instincts about her current lifestyle are valid. You mention she’s a “party animal” now, which likely triggers your lingering concerns about trust and stability. When someone’s behavior continues to raise doubts, especially in the context of wanting to settle down, it’s a red flag. Settling down requires shared priorities, mutual respect, and reliability all areas that seem uncertain with her.

your awareness of your own life stage and desire to start a family is critical. You’re clear about what you want, and that clarity is a strength. The fact that you even acknowledge “this isn’t the right choice” shows self-awareness. Too often, people stay in patterns because of fear of being alone or the pressure of aging, but you’re already recognizing that this relationship does not align with your long-term goals.

continuing with her risks repeating the same painful cycle: heartbreak, mistrust, and emotional instability. Every year you spend trying to make this relationship work when she’s shown a repeated disregard for your needs is a year lost that could be invested in a partner who matches your values, priorities, and goals. You deserve someone whose actions reinforce their words.

the strongest and clearest advice aligns with what April Masini said: trust your instincts and focus on yourself. You know what you want, and you know she isn’t it. Ending this relationship—though difficult—is an act of self-respect and practical foresight. Invest your energy in finding someone truly compatible, someone whose behavior and values align with your desire for stability, family, and partnership. Staying in a cycle that repeatedly undermines trust will never get you there.

[Ethan Morales]

Your feelings of being used and disappointed are completely valid. You expected a relationship that included fun, emotional connection, and shared experiences but instead, the dynamic has leaned heavily toward sex and convenience. That disconnect naturally creates frustration, hurt, and suspicion, especially when his actions (like keeping his profile active or texting someone else in front of you) contradict his words about exclusivity.

t’s important to recognize that the speed at which intimacy happened set a tone for how he perceives the relationship. April Masini points this out: when sex happens very early, some people unconsciously categorize the relationship as primarily physical. That doesn’t mean you’re “wrong” or to blame it just shaped his perception. The confusion comes from a mismatch between what you want emotionally and how he interprets the situation behaviorally.

his refusal to engage in non-sexual activities and consistent prioritizing of convenience over quality time is a red flag. This pattern indicates that he may not be interested in a deeper emotional connection. You suggested a clear alternative doing something fun together outside the bedroom and he rejected it. Actions like that are far more telling than words about who he really is and what he’s looking for.

the healthiest move is to set firm boundaries and align your behavior with your desires. If you want a relationship with emotional connection and fun activities, you need to signal that clearly through your choices and limit interactions that reinforce a purely physical dynamic. This protects your emotional well-being and helps attract people whose intentions truly match yours. Right now, it’s clear he isn’t demonstrating compatibility with what you want.

[Ethan Morales]

It’s clear that you care deeply about this man and that your relationship has a solid foundation, especially given the mix of long-distance and local dating. Meeting his parents and being included in family events are strong indicators that he takes the relationship seriously. In long-term dating, actions speak louder than words, and he’s demonstrating commitment even if he isn’t using traditional labels yet.

his choice to introduce you as a “friend” or “date” rather than girlfriend likely stems from caution rather than a lack of affection. Given his recent divorce and limited experience with serious adult relationships, he may be deliberately pacing himself. He might also be influenced by your earlier comment about disliking labels, and it seems he’s trying to respect your comfort level while still showing commitment through actions.

it’s understandable to feel uncertain when his verbal affirmation doesn’t match his behavior. In this case, behavior trumps words: he spends significant time with you, introduces you to family and friends, and treats you as a serious partner. These are consistent, mature signs of investment. The discrepancy between what he says and what he does seems more about caution and past experiences than any lack of interest or love.

the recent pullback in communication fewer texts and calls can feel like distance, but it’s important to consider his workload and new responsibilities, such as a promotion. Emotional availability in person is a better measure at this stage than texting frequency. Your feeling of closeness when together suggests that, despite the lower volume of messages, the emotional connection remains intact.

your desire for verbal affirmation and public acknowledgment is natural and valid. Wanting him to “claim” you in front of others is not unreasonable, but pressuring him for labels could backfire if he’s already cautious. Gentle, playful reminders or light teasing like joking about how he calls you “friend” can communicate your desire for affirmation without making him feel pressured. This approach aligns with his personality and the gradual pace he seems comfortable with.

patience is key, but so is self-awareness. You clearly have strong feelings, and it’s healthy to monitor whether his pace aligns with your needs. Keep focusing on the consistency of his actions and your emotional experience when you’re together. When the wedding and family interactions happen, you’ll likely have more clarity about where you stand. Until then, balancing patience with honest self-reflection will protect your heart while giving the relationship room to grow naturally.

[Ethan Morales]

It’s clear that your ex was someone you deeply loved and trusted, and that he was there for you during one of the most difficult times of your life. That kind of emotional closeness creates strong bonds, and it’s natural to struggle when someone you relied on suddenly pulls back. Your feelings of hurt and confusion are valid especially since he expressed so much love and admiration while you were together. However, the fact that he abruptly ended the relationship after showing such intense affection signals inconsistency in his emotional readiness.

his rapid rebound with another girl even if it truly began after your breakup is a reflection of his own impulsivity and desire for immediate emotional gratification. It doesn’t necessarily negate the feelings he had for you, but it does show that he struggles with emotional patience and self-reflection. Falling “in love” with someone else quickly often has more to do with his need for comfort, excitement, or distraction than a true, mature connection. This is a pattern that, if left unchecked, could repeat itself in future relationships.

his continued attempts to reach out to you while involved with another person are highly problematic. By sharing his doubts, frustrations, and emotions about his new or former relationships with you, he’s placing you in the role of emotional caretaker again exactly what you wisely avoided before. This isn’t a reflection of your weakness; it’s a reflection of his inability to handle his own emotions responsibly. He’s seeking validation and connection without taking responsibility for his choices.

your efforts to maintain boundaries, focus on your own healing, and avoid being manipulated are exactly the right approach. You’ve consistently shown maturity by recognizing that getting involved while he’s in other relationships would be emotionally harmful. You’re not “crazy” for still having feelings love doesn’t just disappear but you’re smart to insist on space and emotional integrity. His attempts to persuade you otherwise are part of a pattern of manipulation, even if it’s unintentional on his part.

the underlying dynamic here is that of a person who is not fully capable of committing or managing complex emotions, combined with someone (you) who values consistency, honesty, and mutual effort. It’s painful because you were deeply invested and emotionally mature, and his actions whether due to fear, immaturity, or external pressure have left you feeling betrayed. Continuing to expect him to behave differently than he has consistently shown he can is what will prolong your pain.

the healthiest path forward is to fully disengage emotionally and focus on yourself. Keep your boundaries firm, avoid responding to manipulation or emotional appeals, and remind yourself that love alone is not enough to sustain a relationship if the other person cannot match your maturity or commitment. You’re not crazy; you’re discerning. Letting him handle his own emotional chaos while you rebuild your life is the only way to protect yourself and create the opportunity for a partner who is truly capable of meeting you on your level.

[Ethan Morales]

It’s clear that you genuinely care about him and want the relationship to work, which shows emotional investment. But the dynamic you’ve described is heavily unbalanced he’s signaling frustration and discomfort multiple times, while you’re persisting in trying to engage him, even when he explicitly asked for space. Actions like going over to his house when he hasn’t responded to texts, staying when asked to leave, and continuing to call or email after being ignored are strong red flags that he is not on the same page emotionally. Regardless of your intentions, this behavior comes across as pushy or invasive from his perspective.

the pillow incident is important to examine. While you may see it as playful or minor, physically hitting someone even with a pillow escalates tension and can feel threatening. His reaction, including calling the police, signals that he felt boundaries were crossed. In healthy relationships, both partners feel safe and respected, especially during disagreements. When physical actions trigger such a strong response, it often indicates that one partner is feeling overwhelmed or unsafe, and continuing to push past that will likely damage trust and connection.

his repeated statements of “I don’t know what I want” are significant. Men generally aren’t as indecisive as they might claim; often, this is a polite way of expressing that they are not ready for a relationship, uncertain about their feelings, or trying to avoid confrontation. The fact that he didn’t actively pursue communication after conflicts, and that he avoided setting clear plans to talk or see you, strongly suggests that he’s distancing himself. It’s not about whether he likes you or not it’s about emotional readiness and compatibility.

your persistence in reaching out with “good morning” texts, e-cards, jokes, and visits may feel caring to you, but it is reinforcing a pattern where you are the chaser and he is the avoider. In relationships, attraction and mutual effort are crucial. When one person is constantly chasing and the other is constantly retreating, it creates frustration, emotional exhaustion, and imbalance. Your repeated attempts to interpret his actions (like whether he was truly busy with his daughter) keep you stuck in uncertainty, which is emotionally draining.

the broader pattern here is that of a man setting boundaries and you not respecting them not out of malice, but out of desire and love. Unfortunately, repeated boundary-pushing even when motivated by affection tends to erode trust and may push the other person further away. True intimacy and connection develop best when both parties feel heard, respected, and safe. His hesitancy, avoidance, and the conflict history indicate that he is either not ready for commitment or does not see the same future with you.

the strongest takeaway is that you need to prioritize your emotional well-being. It may feel painful to step back, but giving him space, stopping the pursuit, and focusing on relationships where effort is mutual will protect you from further hurt. Persistence here is unlikely to change his stance, and it risks normalizing behavior that is not healthy. Recognizing that your love and effort are valuable and deserve reciprocation is key. Moving forward, consider setting firm boundaries for yourself and seeking relationships where interest, effort, and respect flow both ways.

[Member]

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