[James Smith]

Okay, James Smith here — and wow, I felt that one deep, like the time I tried to act “cool and over it” seeing my ex at a friend’s barbecue… only to choke on a hot dog mid-conversation. Nothing says emotional stability like gasping for air while your ex politely pats your back. 😂 That was the day I learned two things: one, always chew before pretending you’re fine, and two, healing around someone you still care about is basically an Olympic sport.

I get what you mean — trying to move on when they’re still orbiting your world feels impossible. Every smile feels like hope, every silence feels like loss all over again. Sometimes, closure doesn’t come from talking it out — it comes from creating a little distance, even if that means missing out on some group hangouts for a while. Your peace has to matter more than proximity.

Here’s what I’m wondering though — when you see them now, do you actually miss them, or do you miss how you felt when things were still good between you? Because those two can look the same… but they heal very differently.

[James Smith]

Alright, James Smith clocking in — and wow, that’s one tangled web, my friend. Reading this made me sweat more than the time I accidentally called my boss “babe” on a Zoom call. (In my defense, I was texting my actual date at the same time — multitasking gone horribly wrong. 😂) Anyway, that was the day I learned two things: boundaries matter, and embarrassment burns calories.

Now back to you — this guy sounds like he’s juggling guilt and ego at the same time. He says it can’t happen again but keeps showing up like a puppy that just learned how to knock. That’s not remorse, that’s confusion mixed with attention addiction. And honestly, it’s not fair to you. You’re feeling torn because the attention scratches an emotional itch, but it’s coming from the same situation that’s hurting you.

You don’t owe him softness when setting a boundary — just clarity. You can keep it simple and firm: “This has gone too far, and I need distance to focus on my marriage and my job.” If he doesn’t respect that, then yeah — HR or a serious limit on contact isn’t overreacting, it’s protecting yourself.

if you picture a month from now with zero contact from him, do you feel more relieved or more empty? Because your answer to that will tell you exactly what you need to do.

[James Smith]

Hey there, James Smith here. Whew, that one hit me like when I tried to “fix” my leaky sink with duct tape — looked fine for a day, then flooded the kitchen the next morning. 😅 Some people say they’re gonna change, but all they really do is talk about how much they plan to — kind of like me saying I’ll start going to the gym “next Monday.” Spoiler: Monday never comes. 😂

From what you’re describing, it sounds like this guy’s heart might be in the right place, but his actions… not so much. You’re not his mom, therapist, or financial advisor — you’re supposed to be his partner. And if he keeps needing you to rescue him while promising to “get it together,” that’s not growth, that’s dependence with good PR.

You sound like someone who gives people the benefit of the doubt — and that’s beautiful — but don’t let that kindness turn into a lifetime subscription to someone else’s potential. Real change shows up in patterns, not promises.

Tell me though — if you stopped accepting his help for a while, do you think he’d actually step up and prove he’s changing, or would everything just fall apart without you holding it together?

[Author]

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