[Tara]

Every single red flag you listed tells you exactly what this man wants, and it is not a relationship. He is showing you who he is through his habits, not his words.

He wanted sex immediately, and now that he has it, your “dates” take place in your apartment. That is convenience, not affection. He forgets what you say because he does not care to remember. He talks about his ex because she still holds space in his mind. He keeps her pictures because he enjoys the nostalgia. That is not someone who has emotionally moved on or who is ready to build something new.

Calling you names, even as a “joke,” shows lack of respect. Not introducing you to his friends keeps you separated from his real life. Stopping by for sex on his way somewhere else is exactly what it looks like. You felt used because you were.

You are clinging to the few consistent behaviors he has, like texting and calling, as if they outweigh everything else. But that is the bare minimum, not proof of commitment. You are confusing contact with connection.

This is not about being scared to lose him. It is about recognizing that you already are not being treated like someone he intends to keep. You do not fix this by being patient. You fix it by walking away before it gets worse.

[Tara]

She is playing you. She wants control, not commitment. She wants to act like your girlfriend when it suits her but stay “single” online so she can keep her options open. That is not love. That is selfishness.

The jealousy, the comments, asking for your password, crying when you blocked her – all of it is emotional control. She wants to own your attention without giving you real security.

If her parents were really the issue, she would have at least hidden her single status. She didn’t because she doesn’t want to.
You are not confused. You are being managed. She wants you locked in while she keeps her freedom.

Stop asking her to prove it. Give her one choice- be real about the relationship or lose it. If she won’t stand beside you publicly, walk away. She does not want a partner. She wants a puppet. Cut the strings.

[Tara]

She curated the situation to keep control while still feeding attention elsewhere. Avoidance dressed as “boundaries” is just manipulation with PR polish. The public birthday post was the tell, she wanted to be seen celebrating, just not with you. That’s optics management, not emotional conflict.

You were treated like an option, not a partner. When someone uses vagueness to dodge accountability, it’s because clarity would expose their intent. Don’t chase an explanation. You already have it: she wanted distance but not consequence.

[Tara]

He did not make mistakes. He showed you exactly who he is. Cruel, manipulative, controlling. The insults, the cheating, the lies, the threats, the crying to make you feel guilty. None of that is love. It is abuse disguised as emotion.

You keep clinging to the few good moments like they erase what he did. They do not. The good parts exist only to keep you hooked. You call it connection, but it is dependency. Every time you forgive him, you teach him that you will take the same abuse again.

He grabbed you. He humiliated you. He betrayed you. Stop calling it a bad phase. It is a pattern, and it will not change. His tears are not regret. They are tactics to keep you in place.

Stop asking if you should try again. You should not. Leave and stay gone. Rebuild your self-respect and remember peace is not something you beg for. It is what you choose when you finally walk away.

[Tara]

She chose her fiancé. Choose yourself. She is not torn, she is selfish. She wants the safety of her engagement and the thrill of your attention at the same time. You are not special to her. You are a distraction she keeps around to feel powerful.

Every message, every call, every “I miss our talks” is manipulation. She is managing your emotions like a side project. She gets validation, you get confusion. That is the entire transaction.
You do not need to be polite.

You need to disappear. Delete her number, block her, ignore everything she sends. Do not respond, do not explain. The second you reply, you tell her you are still available.

[Tara]

You saw exactly what happened, you just don’t want to admit how bad it really is. He didn’t make a mistake, he made a decision. You told him where the line was, and he crossed it anyway. That’s not confusion, that’s disrespect.

He said he wasn’t talking to her. Lie. He deleted messages. Cover-up. He let you confront him while he hid in silence. Cowardice. Every move was about protecting himself, not the relationship.

You can’t get over it because he never owned it. You’re trying to forgive someone who never confessed, and you’re exhausting yourself trying to fix what he keeps breaking. He avoided accountability, so you ended up doing the emotional cleanup for both of you.

You’re not angry about the other woman. You’re angry because he valued keeping her comfortable more than keeping you secure. That’s the truth you keep downplaying.
Stop minimizing betrayal. You can’t heal when he’s still hiding behind half-truths. Walk away before the disrespect becomes routine.

[Tara]

You are not confused. You are hovering around someone else’s relationship like a vulture waiting for scraps. She already has a boyfriend. That should be the end of it.
Telling yourself her boyfriend is lazy or unworthy does not change a thing. She picked him. You are trying to convince yourself that being “better” gives you a claim. It does not. Attraction is not permission.

If she flirts with you while taken, it only proves her boundaries are weak. She is not showing interest; she is showing disrespect. You would not be the upgrade, just the next problem.
You talk about keeping her forever, but you cannot even keep your pride right now. Walk away before you look pathetic and ruin two connections at once.

Stop chasing what belongs to someone else. If she wanted you, she would be free.

[Tara]

Oh, come on now. You are not going to win her heart by trembling like a lost puppy. What you are feeling is obsession, not love. Love is calm and steady; obsession is desperate and chaotic. Right now, you are feeding the second one.

You say you miss her so much it makes your stomach hurt. That is not romance, that is emotional withdrawal. You are craving her like a fix, and that tells me you have placed your entire sense of worth in her hands. That is not attraction; that is surrender.

If you truly care about her, stop trying to “get to her heart.” Start getting control of your own. Focus on your work, your goals, your discipline. That is what makes someone magnetic, not endless declarations of need.

You cannot love her properly while you are this unstable. When you become the version of yourself that does not beg, panic, or chase, that is when you will have her attention.

[Tara]

Oh, please. It is very clear what is happening here. She is hiding behind moral language to avoid accountability. Let’s strip it down.
She deletes messages. That is not transparency; that is curation.

She goes to another man’s home. That is not professionally necessary, not accidental.

She minimizes your concerns. That is classic deflection, shifting from her behavior to your reaction.

She reframes boundaries as control. That is because admitting guilt would threaten her image of independence.

You do not need a confession to see the pattern. If the communication were innocent, it would stay visible. If it were clean, it would not need deleting. She is protecting her narrative, not your trust.
So what should you think? It is a breach of trust, full stop. You cannot rebuild respect when one person hides behind the word “jealousy” to excuse deceit.

[Tara]

Yousaf, stop pretending she’s sending mixed signals. She told you to leave her and pulled her hand away. That means no. You crossed the line. The only move left is to back off completely.
Keep your distance. No staring. No following. No excuses to bump into her.

If she greets you, say hello and move on. If she ignores you, walk away. End of story.
If you want to be seen as decent, fix your behavior. Be polite, calm, and respectful.

Do not try to create situations to talk. Let her decide if she wants to.
Respect her space or destroy whatever small chance you still have. Attraction is worthless without control.

[Tara]

You can’t make someone come back just because you want them to. What you can do is stop chasing and give her space to feel what life is like without you constantly trying to get her attention. Right now, every time you message her first, you’re reminding her that she’s in control and you’re waiting around. That doesn’t attract her—it makes her pull away more.

If she told you she doesn’t love you anymore and only wants friendship, take her words seriously. She might still care about you as a person, but that doesn’t mean she wants to be your girlfriend. You hurt her before, and it sounds like she hasn’t healed enough to trust you again. Trying to force her to forgive you or act the way she used to will only push her further away.

Stop messaging her for now. Let her be the one to reach out next. Use this time to focus on yourself—your goals, your friends, your own growth. When she sees that you’ve changed and can be strong without her, she might start thinking differently about you. And if she doesn’t, at least you’ll be stronger and ready for someone who wants to be with you for real.

[Tara]

You’re just trying to move forward without letting guilt or drama steer the wheel. First, stop worrying about your ex. He lost the right to influence your choices when he walked away. His jealousy or spite is not your problem it’s his. Your only responsibility toward him is co-parenting, not emotional management. Keep communication about your child only. No personal updates, no reactions to his moods, no defending your new relationship.

As for the new guy, you’re doing the right thing by taking it slow. Keep building trust and consistency before introducing anything serious. Four dates means you’re still learning who he is, not defining what you are. Commitment doesn’t run on a timer; it runs on clarity. When his actions match his words over time, and he respects your life as a mother, that’s when you consider exclusivity.

Your focus now should be stability for you and your child. The right man will adapt to that pace without pressure or confusion.

[Tara]

Stop acting like this is a strategy session. You’re saying hello to a woman who lives nearby. Waving from across the street isn’t effort. You want to talk to her? Then do it.

Wait for a normal moment — when she’s outside, not rushing off. Walk over, introduce yourself like a functioning adult. One sentence, clean and simple: “Hey, we’ve waved a bunch but never met. I’m [your name].” Then let it breathe. Small talk, not a monologue.

If she’s open, keep it light. If she’s distant, exit with grace. Don’t force it, don’t flirt like you’re in a movie.

[Tara]

You’re invisible because you’re approaching the wrong arena with the wrong mindset. You’re hanging around a college you don’t attend, hoping attraction will happen by proximity. It won’t.

You’re an outsider in that environment. Those students are there for classes and social circles that you’re not part of. You look like a visitor waiting for something to happen instead of someone who belongs.

Confidence isn’t about declaring you’re “the best guy out there.” It’s about living a life that actually reflects that. Right now, you’re chasing validation instead of building value. Get a job, take classes, join a club, or volunteer somewhere where people naturally connect. Women respond to purpose, not presence.

Stop waiting for lightning. You need movement, not miracles. Build a life that’s interesting enough that people want to be part of it.

[Tara]

Stop flattering yourself. He’s just not interested. You’re mistaking friendliness for flirting because you want it to mean more than it does. He enjoys your company, sure, but that’s all it is — company. If he wanted you, you wouldn’t be analyzing text tone and dinner invites. You’d already know.

The man calls you a friend because he means it. The laughs, the small talk, the meals — they’re routine, not romantic. He pays because it makes him feel decent, not devoted. He’s had every chance to make a move and didn’t. That silence isn’t mixed signals; it’s rejection wrapped in manners.

[Member]

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