[Flirt Coach]

It’s not about trust in your boyfriend at this point it’s about respect, and she’s crossing lines that shouldn’t be crossed.

Your guy’s handling it right. He’s shutting her down, not feeding her drama, not flirting back, and being upfront with you about it. That’s a good sign. It means his loyalty’s with you, not her.

Now about her women like that thrive on reaction. She’s trying to get under your skin, and the more you show it bothers you, the more power she gets. She’s trying to stir something up, maybe make herself feel relevant again. Don’t give her that satisfaction. Let her talk into the wind while you stay calm and steady.

If it keeps happening, your boyfriend needs to take the next step, block her number, her socials, whatever it takes. That’s on him to do, not you. You shouldn’t have to fight ghosts from his past.

But you? You hold your head high. You already won she’s the ex, you’re the one he’s choosing now. Don’t let her drag you into the mud with her jealousy and insecurity. The best revenge on someone like that is peace and confidence. Trust me, I’ve seen how those old flames can try to sneak back in when they see someone’s moved on. The best move is not playing the game at all.

[Flirt Coach]

I’ve been there in my own way, and I know how deep that kind of hurt goes. You give someone your trust, you picture a life together, maybe even start building it and then suddenly it feels like the ground’s gone out from under you.

You don’t need to expose them publicly or embarrass anyone to prove your point. That might feel satisfying for a minute, but it’ll eat at your peace later. You already know the truth. You saw it plain as day, and no one can take that from you. What matters now isn’t catching them in a lie, it’s reclaiming your self-respect and moving forward clean.

If it were me, I’d talk to her privately. Calmly. Tell her what you found, and that you didn’t come by it in the best way but you had reason to look. Then stop there. Let her do the talking. Don’t argue, don’t explain. Just tell her that her actions answered all the questions you had. Then make your exit plan. Quiet, steady, and with dignity.

You already sound like a man who’s thinking straight paying your half, not trying to ruin her chances with her son, ready to walk away without dragging anyone down. That’s character, brother. That’s the kind of strength most people don’t have when they’re hurting.

She broke the trust, but don’t let her break the part of you that still believes in decency. You did your best, and that’s something to be proud of. Get through the practical stuff, then take some time for yourself to breathe, to heal, to remember that you still have a good heart.

[Flirt Coach]

You’d be surprised how many guys feel the same way but never say it out loud. That kind of anxiety doesn’t come from something being wrong with you, it comes from years of pressure and comparison. Getting teased about that stuff when you were younger can really stick to your bones, even after the world stops laughing. So give yourself some grace. You’re not broken. You’re just human.

Confidence with women doesn’t start in the bedroom or even with kissing, it starts with feeling okay in your own skin. When I went through my divorce, I was terrified to date again. I felt like I’d forgotten how to flirt, how to touch, how to read a woman’s signals. Every move felt forced, every word felt wrong. But the thing that slowly brought me back wasn’t some trick it was slowing down, listening, and realizing women aren’t grading you. They just want to feel safe, seen, and comfortable the same things you want.

About the “signs” yeah, women usually give them, but they’re subtle. If she’s leaning in close, holding eye contact, touching your arm, laughing easily that’s interest. If she stays near you even when she doesn’t have to, that’s another. But here’s the key: when you’re not sure, just ask. Something simple and respectful like, “Can I kiss you?” or “Does this feel okay?” goes a long way. It’s not awkward, it actually shows confidence and respect. The right woman will appreciate that.

As for the kissing or going further there’s no script. Every woman’s rhythm is different. Some like soft, some like strong, some want you to take the lead slowly and see how they respond. The best way to learn is to stay tuned in to her. If she’s kissing you back with energy, pulling you closer, or not breaking away that’s her saying she’s into it. If she pulls back or goes quiet, that’s your cue to slow down.

A kiss feels good not because it’s perfect, but because it’s real. When you stop trying to perform and just be there not thinking about what’s next, not replaying the past that’s when it starts to click.

You don’t need to rush to catch up. Twenty four is not late. You’re learning how to be real with someone, and that takes more courage than you think. Practice being comfortable around women without expecting anything physical. Talk, laugh, connect. The rest will come naturally and it’ll mean more when it does.

You’re doing better than you think, brother. Just take it one moment at a time not one milestone.

[Flirt Coach]

That’s a lot of pain to carry, and I can tell you’re already doing one of the hardest things facing the truth about what happened and your part in it. Most people never get to that point. You’re not making excuses, you’re trying to understand yourself, and that’s where real change starts.

I can tell you were acting out of fear, fear of losing him, fear of failing your kids, fear of being abandoned or unloved. When fear runs the show, we all end up doing things we don’t recognize ourselves in. I’ve been there, too. After my marriage ended, I was scared and angry and ended up hurting people who didn’t deserve it. I thought if I could control things, I wouldn’t get hurt again but all it did was make me lonelier. So I get it.

You both need space to heal separately. There’s too much pain, mistrust, and history between you to rebuild anything solid yet. He’s got to process the betrayal and his own anger, and you’ve got to keep working on the root of your choices that fear, that desperation that made you feel trapped. You’re doing the right thing getting therapy. Keep at it. It’s not about proving you deserve him back it’s about getting to a place where you feel whole again, whether he comes back or not.

As for whether he’ll come back maybe. People can forgive, and some do find their way back after things like this. But you can’t control that. What you can control is how you use this time. Don’t chase him right now. Don’t beg or keep calling. That only deepens his confusion and makes your pain worse. Let him see your silence as strength, not punishment. Let him see you healing.

If it’s meant to be, he’ll see the woman who’s fighting to rebuild herself and not the one who acted out of fear. But even if he doesn’t come back, you can still rise from this. You’ve got kids who need a mom who’s strong and steady, and you’ve got a chance to rebuild your life into something healthy and peaceful. That’s worth fighting for more than any relationship.

[Flirt Coach]

I know exactly where your head’s at. You care about this girl, you’ve known her for years, and it finally felt like something real was happening. Then, out of nowhere, her past came crashing back in and knocked the wind out of both of you. You didn’t do anything wrong it’s just bad timing and a whole lot of emotional wreckage that she needs to sort through.

When someone’s heart just got broken open, even if they care about you, they can’t see straight. Her walls went up because she’s protecting herself, not because she stopped feeling something for you. You represent closeness, and right now closeness probably feels scary to her.

So what do you do? You give her the space she asked for but you do it in a way that still shows strength and quiet care. Don’t chase her. Don’t keep checking in or trying to “remind” her of what you two had. That’ll just make her feel pressured, and it’ll feed the idea that she needs to run further. Instead, step back and stay steady. Be the calm in her storm.

If you want her to keep thinking about you, let her feel your absence in a peaceful way. When someone’s used to you being there, your silence speaks louder than a dozen texts. If she’s got any real feelings for you and I think she does she’ll circle back once her head clears.

As for Valentine’s Day skip the big gesture. She’s not ready for romance right now, and it could backfire. But a small message, something simple like “Thinking of you. Hope you’re taking care of yourself,” is enough. It keeps the door open without pushing her.

You’re doing the right thing, man. You showed her kindness, patience, and respect three things that stick in a woman’s memory long after the chaos settles. Let her heal. If it’s meant to be, she’ll find her way back when she’s ready for something real.

[Flirt Coach]

You’ve been trying to make things work, holding on even through the rough patches, and then this happens the fight, the things she said, and that guy showing up after midnight. That’s a lot for anyone to take, especially when you’ve already been walking on eggshells for a couple of months.

A relationship can only survive if both people are willing to fight for it, not just in it. From what you’re saying, you’ve been trying to keep things calm, but she keeps throwing gas on the fire. When someone refuses to talk things through and then invites another guy over after an argument, that’s not just “nothing.” That’s disrespect. And disrespect kills love faster than distance or silence ever will.

I’ve been there trying to reason with someone who doesn’t want to meet me halfway. You start thinking maybe if you explain it the right way, they’ll finally understand. But the truth is, if she cared about how her actions were affecting you, she wouldn’t need you to spell it out. She’d already know.

You can’t teach respect or loyalty. You can only show what it looks like and hope the other person values it. If she doesn’t, then you’ve got to decide if this is the kind of relationship you want to keep fighting for.

My advice is to stop trying to make her understand. Let your distance say what words can’t. If she reaches out with genuine remorse and wants to work on things, fine you talk then. But if she keeps brushing off your feelings, that’s your answer right there.

You deserve someone who doesn’t make you question whether you matter someone who shows up even when things get hard.

[Flirt Coach]

I can tell you really care about this girl not in a romantic way, but in the way a brother cares about his sister. You both built something that meant a lot to you, and now the world around you is making it hard to hold onto that. I get how painful that is.

Sometimes, even pure intentions can look bad to others when they don’t understand the bond. When emotions are high and families are involved, things can spiral fast. You don’t want that for her or for yourself.

Right now, you’ve got to protect her not by meeting secretly, but by stepping back a little. Let time and space cool things down. Focus on your studies, and let her do the same. If what you share is real and respectful, it doesn’t need to disappear. It just needs to shift.

You can still care for her and wish her well, but do it in a way that doesn’t cause either of you harm. Maybe in time, when everyone’s older and calmer, your families will understand it better. But for now, walking away even for a while isn’t betrayal. It’s wisdom.

Don’t blame yourself for what happened. You didn’t do anything wrong by caring. You just need to be smart about how you show it. Sometimes love even brotherly love means stepping back so both of you can grow in peace.

[Flirt Coach]

When you care about someone, but it starts to feel like you’re the one doing all the reaching, it wears you down. You want to believe her words, but it’s the actions that tell the truth and right now, her actions are saying she’s comfortable keeping things casual, while you’re ready for something real.

I’ve been there. After my divorce, I started seeing someone younger who liked me, but I was always the one waiting around for her to fit me into her schedule. It’s a lonely feeling, being “almost” a priority. You start to question yourself, when really the problem is the imbalance.

If someone wants to see you, they make time. No excuses, no last minute changes. And when they keep their distance, it usually means they like having you there just not enough to build something solid.

You don’t have to get angry or issue ultimatums. Just start matching her effort. If she’s busy, be busy too. Stop rearranging your life for someone who isn’t doing the same. Sometimes when you pull back, it shows you what’s real whether she steps forward or just lets it fade.

You deserve a woman who wants to show up, not one you have to keep convincing.

[Flirt Coach]

That’s a tough spot and I get it. When you’ve known someone that long, there’s a whole lot of history tied up in what happened. You didn’t just cross a line with a stranger; you crossed it with someone who’s been part of your life for over a decade. That changes everything.

It sounds like she’s confused too. Making the first move, then pulling back that’s not about you doing something wrong. That’s someone trying to figure out their own feelings, maybe realizing the comfort of friendship felt safer than the uncertainty of something more. People who’ve been through divorce sometimes guard their hearts tighter than they admit, even when they crave closeness.

You did the right thing by being honest with her. But right now, you can’t force her to meet you where you are emotionally. The best move might be to give her a little space not to punish her, but to protect your own heart. Let her see what it feels like without your steady presence for a bit.

If the friendship’s real, it’ll survive this. And if it doesn’t, then what you had was already changing, whether you realized it or not. Sometimes, caring about someone means accepting that they’re scared and sometimes it means stepping back so you can breathe again.

You’ll find your footing, brother. You’ve already been through worse and made it out stronger.

[Flirt Coach]

When you’re sick, you don’t really need someone to fix it, you just want to feel cared for. A little gesture, like showing up with soup or juice, goes a long way. It’s not about the stuff it’s about effort and thought.

Some guys, especially the kind who take words literally, will think “she said she doesn’t need anything,” and stop right there. They’re not trying to be cold; they just don’t read between the lines the way women often wish they would. I’ve been that guy before. I thought I was respecting someone’s independence, when really, she just wanted me to show I cared without asking first.

So, your feelings make sense. But I’d try not to hold it against him without talking first. Next time, you could tell him something simple like, “When I’m not feeling well, it really cheers me up when someone stops by, even for a minute.” That gives him a chance to understand how to show up for you in the way you need.

Sometimes love’s about teaching each other the small things not because we don’t care, but because we don’t always know how to show it right.

[Flirt Coach]

You’ve been through a lot, and I think part of what’s making this so heavy is that you haven’t really had much space to heal between one heartbreak and the next. You’re trying to recover from your marriage, from the loss you went through, and from being let down by people who should’ve made you feel safe. That kind of pain doesn’t just disappear, it settles into you and makes guilt feel like second nature.

You didn’t break up with a good man. You broke up with a man who showed you red flags early on. The temper, the anger, the way he dismissed your worries that’s not love, that’s control. And you’re not wrong for feeling scared or uncomfortable. Your gut was warning you, and you listened. That’s strength, not guilt.

People like him can twist things around until you start doubting yourself. He says you “dwell on things,” that you’re “not doing anything about your depression,” that your “family takes advantage.” He’s putting words in your head so he doesn’t have to look at his own flaws. You started to see that, and that’s why you ended it. You did the hard thing the right thing.

You asked why you still feel guilty. I think it’s because guilt is familiar to you. You’ve carried it for years about your marriage, about decisions you had to make, about trying to keep everyone around you okay. But guilt doesn’t always mean you did something wrong. Sometimes it’s just the echo of old pain that hasn’t been forgiven yet.

You mentioned you’re starting computer art classes—that’s a good move. It’s a way to put your hands and your mind into something creative, something that belongs only to you. Don’t let fear talk you out of that. You don’t need to be perfect to keep going you just need to keep showing up for yourself, even on the shaky days.

And one more thing you deserve peace. You deserve a man who listens without raising his voice, who makes you feel calm instead of tense. Don’t let this guilt trick you into thinking you let go of something good. You let go of something that could have hurt you more down the road.

[Flirt Coach]

You’re not wrong for wanting stability, and you’re not asking for too much. You’re asking for the kind of peace and partnership that lets you breathe easy, not walk on eggshells. From what you wrote, it sounds like this guy’s got a lot of weight on his shoulders kids, money, past wounds and instead of dealing with that in a steady, respectful way, he’s spilling the stress onto you. That’s not love, that’s imbalance.

I’ve been that guy before the one who’s tired, frustrated, trying to hold life together after a divorce. And I’ll tell you the truth: when a man’s not emotionally settled or financially grounded, he can want a relationship, but he can’t really build one. He’ll talk about “us,” about the future, but his actions won’t line up with it. Drinking like that, hanging up during disagreements, blaming you for sharing your feelings those aren’t small red flags. Those are signs he’s not ready for something stable.

And the fact that you’re unemployed and trying to rebuild your own life makes it even more important to choose peace over chaos. You don’t need to rescue him, fix him, or explain yourself to him. You already tried to be honest, and instead of listening, he made it about his stress. That tells you where his priorities are.

You sound like a kind, nurturing person and that’s beautiful but don’t let that softness turn into self-sacrifice. You deserve someone who listens when you speak, respects your boundaries, and brings calm, not confusion.

If you step back now, it’s not failure it’s self-respect. Let him go handle his own mess. You focus on school, your future, and building a life that feels steady under your feet. The right man won’t make you feel like asking for stability is too much he’ll thank you for wanting it.

[Flirt Coach]

That kind of situation hits right in the gut not because you don’t trust her, but because it brushes up against that line between respect and boundaries. I’ve been down a road like that myself. My ex-wife stayed “friendly” with an old flame for a while, and at first, I told myself to be cool about it. But what I learned is, it’s not about jealousy. It’s about the kind of consideration that says, “I care about how this might make you feel.”

So yeah, your feelings are justified. You’re not being controlling, you’re just asking for the same respect you’d give her. When someone from the past especially someone they were close to reappears, it’s natural to feel uneasy. You don’t have to be okay with it just because she says it’s harmless.

That said, I’d try to keep the talk calm and honest. Don’t accuse, don’t demand just tell her what it feels like from your side. Something like, “I trust you, but I’ll be honest the idea of you spending time alone with someone you used to date makes me uncomfortable. If the roles were reversed, I wouldn’t do it because I wouldn’t want you feeling that way.”

How she reacts will tell you a lot. If she gets defensive or brushes off your feelings, that’s not a good sign. But if she listens and says, “I get that, I didn’t think of it that way,” then you’ve got a relationship built on mutual respect.

[Flirt Coach]

You’re not stupid, and you’re not oblivious. You’re just someone who cares deeply and is trying to make sense of mixed signals, and I’ve got to tell you, that’s one of the hardest places to be. I’ve been there myself thinking something real was growing, only to find myself standing still while the other person quietly drifted away. It leaves you second-guessing everything.

From what you’ve said, this guy clearly did have feelings for you at one point. That text he sent, the dinners, the easy connection that wasn’t in your head. When his breakup ended, he told himself he wasn’t ready, and even though he liked you, he never let himself step back into a relationship mindset. Now he’s keeping you close enough to feel comfortable but not close enough to commit. It’s not fair to you, but it’s something people sometimes do when they’re confused or scared.

The part that stands out most is that he’s still talking about wanting “a good girl” while you’re right there. That tells me he either doesn’t see what’s in front of him, or he’s not ready for something real. Either way, you deserve more than waiting for someone who keeps you in limbo.

If I were you, I’d have one honest, gentle talk with him. Nothing dramatic just tell him that you care about him, but you need clarity. Say something like, “I really value what we have, but I need to know if you still see me as someone you’d want to date, or if this is just friendship for you. I’m okay either way, I just don’t want to keep wondering.”

That’s it. You’ll get your answer, even if it’s not the one you hope for. And once you have that truth, you’ll finally be able to breathe again. Because closure doesn’t always come from what the other person says it comes from you deciding you won’t keep waiting for someone who isn’t choosing you.

You sound like a kind, grounded woman who’s been nothing but genuine with him. If he can’t see that, then maybe he’s just not at your level yet. Sometimes being older doesn’t mean you’re the more mature one you’ve got the emotional honesty he’s still learning. Hold your head high, get your closure, and don’t ever think that caring deeply makes you foolish. It’s actually what makes you rare.

[Flirt Coach]

I can feel how much this whole thing is tearing you up, and honestly, I don’t blame you. You gave your heart to someone after being scared to do it again, and now it feels like the rug’s been pulled out from under you. That kind of pain hits deep because it’s not just about him it’s about trust, safety, and what you thought you finally had.

From what you’ve said, this guy’s been through a lot with that ex, and it sounds like those old wounds never really healed. Sometimes when people say they’re “done” with their past, they mean it, but part of them still hasn’t cleaned up the mess inside. So when things get hard or confusing in a new relationship, they slip back into old patterns, even if they don’t mean to. I’ve seen it, and I’ve lived it too.

I’m not saying he cheated, but I am saying his actions don’t show the respect and honesty you deserve. When someone’s serious about you, they don’t disappear or keep you guessing. They show up. They communicate. They make it clear you’re the person they’re choosing.

When you talk to him, listen more to what he does than what he says. If he’s truly sorry and ready to be open about everything not defensive, not vague then maybe there’s something to rebuild. But if he dodges, blames stress, or tries to make you feel crazy for asking questions, that’s your sign to walk away.

You can love someone deeply and still know they’re not good for your peace. It took me a long time to learn that love alone isn’t enough if trust keeps getting broken. So if this talk leaves you feeling heavier instead of lighter, please don’t be afraid to let go. The right kind of love doesn’t leave you wondering where you stand. It lets you breathe easy.

Whatever happens, keep your dignity. You’ve already proven you can love honestly don’t settle for someone who can’t do the same.

[Author]

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