[Soft Truths]

You’re not crazy for being torn. You stepped into something that began lightheartedly, and then, without meaning to, your heart got involved. That’s what happens when intimacy and trust overlap the body might call it casual, but the heart doesn’t always listen.

This guy isn’t a villain, but he’s also not showing up as someone who can give you what you need. He’s keeping things easy for himself warmth, sex, affection without ever taking the emotional risk of commitment. Meanwhile, you’re left trying to balance logic with longing, telling yourself you can handle it even as it hurts more each time.

You said something that really stood out to me: “I’d love to have someone who’s just there for me.” That right there is what’s missing. You don’t want just sex or comfort you want connection, safety, and consistency. You deserve someone who doesn’t hesitate when you ask, “Can you see a future with me?” Someone who doesn’t make you feel like loving them is a negotiation.

It might help to ask yourself: if you took the sex out of this, would there still be something solid between you? If the answer’s no, then you’re probably holding onto potential, not reality. And potential doesn’t keep you warm when you start feeling unseen.

Cutting him off won’t feel empowering at first, It’ll feel like withdrawal. But what you’re really doing is creating space for something better. I know it’s hard to walk away from the one who awakened something in you, but it’s even harder to keep giving your heart to someone who won’t meet you halfway.

[Soft Truths]

I don’t think you’re being too sensitive at all you’re being human. You’re reacting the way anyone would if the person they loved kept tearing them down and then calling it a joke. That’s not humor, that’s emotional cruelty wrapped in denial.

He’s sweet, everything feels calm, and then out of nowhere, he strikes with something hurtful just to regain control or keep you off balance. When you defend yourself, he flips it on you and says you’re “too sensitive” or “starting a scene.” That’s manipulation. It teaches you to question your own reality so he doesn’t have to take responsibility for how he treats you.

You’re not overreacting. You’re seeing clearly. The fact that you still try to understand him wondering if he’s sick, or if you should toughen up shows how much empathy you have. But empathy without boundaries will destroy your peace.

If someone loves you, they don’t humiliate you and call it love. They protect your heart, not poke holes in it. You can’t fix this by working harder or being more patient. He’s showing you who he is someone who needs to bring you down to feel powerful.

I know it’s not easy to leave someone you love, especially when they mix cruelty with affection. But you deserve safety, kindness, and consistency. Those aren’t luxuries, they’re the bare minimum.

[Soft Truths]

I know that must be confusing, and honestly, painful too. When someone gives you just enough warmth to keep you hoping, but not enough clarity to feel secure, it pulls you into this loop of wondering what’s real. From everything you shared, it sounds like he does care about you on some level but not enough, or not in the way you deserve.

When a guy says things like “I like you,” “love you,” or “you’d be my girlfriend if you lived here,” but avoids committing when he actually has the chance, it’s usually because he enjoys the closeness without the responsibility. The history you two have the cruise, the long-distance connection, the late-night talks it all created emotional intimacy. That part probably feels genuine, and I think he does like you. But that doesn’t mean he’s ready, or even willing, to build something deeper.

The fact that he pulled away after sex this time sleeping on the couch says a lot. It sounds like he’s trying to draw a line he doesn’t know how to communicate directly. Maybe he’s scared of expectations, or maybe he just wants to keep things casual while still feeling emotionally connected. Saying “love you” in texts but never in person is another sign of emotional distance, it’s safe behind a screen, less real, less accountable.

You’re not crazy for wanting to understand. You’ve been patient, open, and honest. But here’s what I’d gently tell you that someone who truly wants to be with you won’t hesitate this much. You shouldn’t have to decode his feelings like a puzzle.

Ask yourself that what would it look like if someone really chose you? Not half-way, not “maybe if things were different.” If that image feels different from how this makes you feel now, then you already know your answer.

[Soft Truths]

You sound lonely, unseen, and emotionally starved and when someone finally treats you with tenderness and excitement, it wakes up everything you’ve been missing. I get that. It’s not just about the kiss or the trip; it’s about feeling alive again after living in a relationship that’s been draining you for so long.

But here’s the thing I’ve learned, both from my own heartbreak and watching others go through it. The connection that starts in secret always carries the shadow of what’s missing, not just in your marriage but in yourself. Right now, this man represents freedom and affection and hope. But he’s also married, and if you both stay in this in between space, it will only deepen your ache and confusion. You’ll always be waiting, always wondering when he’ll be fully yours and he might never be.

You deserve to feel loved and respected every day, not just in stolen moments. Before you make any decisions about him, focus on what your current relationship is doing to you. Ask yourself that if I strip away this new man, what do I really want for my life and my kids? Do I want to rebuild something with my fiancé, or am I ready to end a relationship that’s already hurting me? Because clarity about that will guide everything else.

Don’t rush into choosing between two men. Choose yourself first. Get therapy if you can, or at least someone safe to talk to who won’t judge you. You don’t have to face this alone.

[Soft Truths]

I know this must feel like your whole world is crashing. You didn’t cross the line physically, but from your husband’s perspective, it probably looks like you did and emotionally, it’s already a deep betrayal to him. That’s the hard part. Even if you didn’t cheat, he feels like he can’t trust what happened, and that’s what’s tearing everything apart.

Right now, I wouldn’t try to convince him with a flood of explanations. He’s probably too angry and hurt to hear you clearly. What you can do is give him space, but also let him know you’re ready to be fully honest every detail, no matter how uncomfortable, whenever he’s ready to listen. The more defensive you sound, the less believable it will seem, even if you’re telling the truth.

When you do talk, tell him what actually happened without minimizing it. Admit that you made poor choices, but also be clear about where the line stopped. Take full responsibility for your actions not to get forgiveness right away, but to rebuild credibility. Trust is rebuilt through honesty, consistency, and time.

If you really love him and want to save your marriage, focus on transparency. Maybe even suggest counseling for both of you. Because even though you didn’t have sex, the emotional damage here still needs to be healed.

And please don’t reach out to the other guy again. That chapter needs to close completely, or you’ll never be able to rebuild what’s left with your husband.

[Soft Truths]

I think the truth here depends less on the text itself and more on the intent behind it. There are two possible readings and one innocent, one not so much and which it is really depends on the emotional undercurrent between them.

If this woman and the married coworker have a genuinely platonic friendship light, easy, no subtle flirting, no tension then yes, it could be innocent. Some people reach out just to share something funny or stay connected. But… when you add the timing during his family vacation and the fact that it wasn’t urgent, it shifts the energy a bit. Reaching out when she knows he’s with his wife and kids does hint at a need for attention or validation. It’s not necessarily malicious, but it’s suggestive of a boundary test.

Sometimes people in her position divorced, perhaps feeling lonely or unseen send a message like that as a quiet way of saying, “Will you still engage with me even when your attention should be elsewhere?” Proof that she still matters, that she can still draw interest even when he’s “off limits.” It’s subtle, but emotionally it can carry a charge.

So yes, it could be a calculated move, though not always consciously. It might not be about wanting an affair, but about craving connection, reassurance, or power in a dynamic where she knows the line. And if she continues doing it, initiating casual contact during his family moments, especially if the tone turns more personal then it’s safe to say there’s some level of interest, whether emotional or romantic.

If you’re trying to understand what’s going on, watch the pattern. One message can be innocent. Repeated contact that crosses respectful timing or context that’s something else entirely.

[Soft Truths]

You’re not crazy for feeling unsettled. You’re just responding to something that doesn’t feel emotionally safe. Because even though you knew he was in touch with his ex, what you’ve discovered isn’t just casual communication. It’s intimacy that crosses the line between friendship and unfinished relationship.

You shouldn’t have to compete with a ghost from his past. The fact that his password still says that he tells her he loves her, even as he’s with you shows that his emotional energy is still tied to her. That’s not fair to you. It’s not even about jealousy, it’s about boundaries. When someone is building a relationship with you, their loyalty emotional, mental, and physical should belong to that relationship.

Now, about the emails. I understand why you checked. It’s not right to invade privacy, but when your gut tells you something’s off, you go looking for proof. You found it. The danger now is staying in a dynamic where you have to keep searching for reassurance he should be giving freely. That’s not sustainable that it will eat away at your confidence, even if you try to act unbothered.

You’re right to want him to tell her about you. If he were emotionally honest, he’d do it without you having to ask. But the fact that he refuses and uses “not wanting to hurt her” as an excuse says a lot. He’s protecting her feelings, not yours. And that’s the wrong priority for someone who’s supposed to be building a future with you.

Stop reading the emails, not because he deserves the privacy, but because you deserve peace. Instead, have one clear, calm conversation with him. Tell him you don’t want to control who he talks to, but you do need honesty and boundaries that make both of you feel respected. Watch how he responds not just his words, but whether his actions change.

If he defends his behavior, dismisses your feelings, or makes you feel small for asking, that’s your answer. Love doesn’t thrive in confusion. It grows in clarity. And right now, he’s feeding off your uncertainty.

You sound strong, smart, and deeply self-aware. Don’t let him make you question that. You’re not asking too much. You’re just asking for the kind of loyalty he should already be giving.

[Soft Truths]

I can hear how much this broke you open, and honestly, you’re allowed to feel everything you’re feeling the anger, the confusion, the sadness, even the shame that shouldn’t really belong to you. When someone drains you emotionally for that long, it leaves this hollow ache that makes you question your worth. But reading your story, what stands out to me isn’t that you weren’t enough, it’s that you gave too much to someone who didn’t know how to meet you halfway.

This guy didn’t leave suddenly. He started leaving long before he said the words. Every time he shut down, played the victim, or made you responsible for his unhappiness. He was slowly stepping out of the relationship while keeping you tethered. That’s emotional manipulation, not love. You didn’t fail him. You just kept trying to love someone who refused to take responsibility for his own pain.

I think part of what hurts most isn’t losing him. It’s losing the version of yourself that believed you could fix him. You wanted to be his safe place, but he turned you into his emotional caretaker. They need healing they can only find within themselves. You were never Superwoman’s understudy. You were just someone who loved deeply and got used to confusing struggle with connection.

And as for the “why” sometimes there isn’t one that makes sense. Not because you weren’t good enough, but because people who are emotionally unstable or self-absorbed often walk away the moment they can no longer control the narrative. Blaming you made it easier for him to avoid facing himself.

You didn’t lose anything real here, even though it feels that way. What you lost was a cycle one built on guilt, exhaustion, and uneven effort. It’s okay that it still hurts; that’s what happens when your heart was all in. But over time, you’ll realize that peace is better than closure, and self-respect feels safer than any apology he could ever give.

You already said something really powerful: “I need to stop trying to make men who aren’t right for me right for me.” That awareness is everything. That’s how healing starts. Don’t chase explanations from him start giving yourself the compassion you tried so hard to give him.

You didn’t get played because you were weak. You got hurt because you were genuine. And that’s something worth protecting not regretting.

[Soft Truths]

I can feel how much you’re hurting and how deeply you still love her. What you’re describing that mix of regret, missing someone who felt like home, and not knowing how to move forward, it’s a kind of heartbreak that shakes everything inside you. You’re not crazy for wanting her back or for believing what you two had was special. But I think right now, the best thing you can do for both of you is let the dust settle completely.

You owned your mistake, you apologized, you showed her that you care. But when someone says they need time and space, what they’re really saying is, “I need to heal without pressure.” Every time you reach out, even with good intentions, it restarts that process for her and for you too. It’s like reopening a wound that’s just starting to close.

I know it feels like she’s forgotten you because she’s quiet. But silence doesn’t always mean she stopped caring. Sometimes it’s how people survive when they still feel something but don’t trust it yet. You mentioned that she’s stubborn that might mean she’s sticking to her decision out of self-protection, not indifference.

Right now, give her exactly what she asked for time. And I don’t mean counting the days until you can text again. I mean living your life as if she’s not coming back, even if that hurts. Work on being the version of yourself that you wish she could see not to prove something, but to heal. When people grow apart, space can sometimes bring clarity in a way that pleading never can.

If she ever wants to reconnect, she’ll remember how you respected her boundaries when it mattered most. And if she doesn’t, you’ll know that you gave her love, honesty, and closure and that’s something to be proud of.

As for Facebook if seeing her there hurts, take a break from it. You don’t have to delete her to prove you’re moving on, but it’s okay to mute or step back. Healing isn’t about playing a role; it’s about protecting your peace.

Sometimes love isn’t lost it just needs space to breathe again. But the best chance of finding it again comes when you both heal separately first.

[Soft Truths]

I can feel how much this connection is tugging at you the mix of curiosity, excitement, and maybe a little confusion too. You’ve been through a lot recently, especially with that past job and relationship, so it makes sense that his kindness and attention stand out. Sometimes when we’ve been hurt or made to feel unseen, someone noticing us in such a focused way can feel like sunlight after a long winter.

The looks, the attention, the small gestures, those things don’t happen by accident. Still, I think it’s important to slow things down, especially since there’s history here with work and power dynamics. Sometimes people in higher positions don’t even realize how their behavior can blur lines, and you deserve clarity before you risk your peace again.

If you truly want to explore this, maybe start with something small like a friendly coffee after your interview practice or a casual conversation that isn’t tied to work. You’ll get a better sense of who he is when it’s just two people talking, not teacher and principal. And you’ll also see whether he’s consistent respectful, genuine, and emotionally available or just drawn to the spark of attention.

Also, please don’t fall into the thought that he’s “too good” for you. You’re educated, capable, and strong enough to rebuild your life after hardship. People who connect deeply aren’t looking for perfection and they’re drawn to authenticity.

Take your time. Let him meet you where you are, not the other way around. And focus on your new beginning too that airline opportunity sounds exciting and freeing, like a fresh start.

You deserve something that makes you feel safe and seen, not something that leaves you second-guessing your worth.

[Soft Truths]

I can feel how deeply this one’s hurting you. It’s like your whole heart is still reaching for her even when your head knows she’s pulled away. You’ve been through so many ups and downs with this girl, and it sounds like you really built something meaningful together. But sometimes love alone isn’t enough to hold two people steady when life family, distance, stress keeps shaking the ground beneath you.

What stands out to me is how much pressure this relationship has been under from all sides. You were trying to balance your mom’s expectations, your girlfriend’s feelings, your own insecurities after graduation and the move. It’s a lot for anyone, especially someone who’s been stretched thin emotionally and financially. When people feel overwhelmed, they often start reacting instead of connecting, and that can quietly wear down even a strong bond.

If she’s feeling hurt or drained, a surprise visit might push her further away instead of opening her heart. What she probably needs most right now is space not to forget you, but to feel her own emotions without the noise of conflict or pressure.

And what you need is a pause, too. A real one. Not to move on right away, but to breathe and sort through everything you’ve been carrying your mom’s disapproval, your feelings about her immigration status, the weight changes, the long distance, all of it. Because if you two ever have a chance again, it can’t be from the same place of exhaustion and guilt. It would have to come from peace, and from two people who are ready to protect their love from outside interference.

If she’s truly the girl of your dreams, loving her might also mean respecting her “no” right now. That doesn’t mean the story’s over forever sometimes people circle back when healing has happened on both sides. But if you chase her before she’s ready, you risk closing a door that might’ve only needed time to reopen.

Take care of yourself first physically, mentally, spiritually. Get back to feeling proud of who you are, even without her beside you. When you do that, whether or not she comes back, you’ll be standing on solid ground again.

[Soft Truths]

First, thank you for being brave enough to share this. You’re right judgment doesn’t help when someone’s already living with guilt and confusion. What you need right now isn’t punishment, it’s clarity.
You’ve built a life with your husband that’s steady and familiar, but this new relationship stirred up parts of you that maybe felt asleep passion, curiosity, the thrill of being seen in a new way. That kind of spark can feel intoxicating, especially when your marriage has been going through a quiet or difficult phase. It doesn’t necessarily mean you don’t love your husband. It might just mean that part of you has been longing for something and the affair became the outlet for it.

The fact that you ended it shows you still value your marriage and your integrity. But you’re right, walking away doesn’t magically turn off those feelings. You’re grieving not just the person, but the intensity, the attention, the version of yourself that felt alive in those moments. That’s why this feels so confusing.

Before making any big decisions, I think you need space to understand why this happened. What were you missing or yearning for before this affair started? Was it emotional connection, excitement, validation, or maybe just feeling seen? Once you name it, you can decide whether that’s something that could be rebuilt with your husband or if it’s something deeper that this marriage can’t give you anymore.

For now, don’t rush into leaving or confessing out of guilt. Take a breath. Let the dust settle. The most honest next step is to focus on what’s happening inside you. Therapy even just for yourself could help you untangle that without shame. Sometimes people think love is about choosing one person, but it’s really about choosing to be honest first with yourself.

You’re not a bad person. You made a mistake, yes, but one that’s more common than people admit. What matters now is whether you use it as a wake-up call to understand your heart better — or as something you bury under guilt.

[Soft Truths]

You sound like someone who really feels things deeply and I can tell you care about this girl in a way that’s both tender and honest. It’s hard, isn’t it? To love someone who lights up your world, but doesn’t seem to see you the same way. Especially when you’ve built such a close friendship and it makes everything feel tangled between wanting more and being afraid to lose what you already have.

You can’t make her stop seeing you as “just a friend.” Attraction can’t be forced, even when there’s genuine affection. What you can do is shift how she feels around you. Right now, she’s used to you being safe, dependable, and emotionally available which are good things, but sometimes they keep you in that comfort zone she labels as friendship.

If you want her to see you differently, you don’t need to start flirting aggressively. You need to change the rhythm between you a bit. Pull back a little not to play games, but to show her that your world doesn’t revolve around her. Let her see you focused on other parts of your life things you enjoy, people who make you laugh, goals you care about. When you stop being the one who’s always there waiting, it creates space. Sometimes that space is what makes someone finally see you.

And if she still doesn’t? Then maybe that’s your sign that her role in your story was to teach you something about love, not to be your ending. I know that’s hard to accept at seventeen. I remember what it’s like to believe that one person could change everything. But love that’s meant for you won’t have you constantly guessing your worth.

Be kind to her, but kinder to yourself. You deserve someone who looks at you with the same warmth you see in her.

[Soft Truths]

she’s giving you mixed signals that feel like more than friendship, but there’s also a line that hasn’t been crossed clearly. Nights like that, with alcohol and emotions swirling, can make things seem deeper or clearer than they actually are, even when they’re not.

She does seem to like your attention, and maybe even has some feelings for you, but she also has a boyfriend. That changes everything. When someone in a relationship flirts or blurs boundaries, it’s not always about love or attraction, sometimes it’s about validation. She might enjoy knowing that you care about her, but isn’t ready (or willing) to act on it.

I know it’s tempting to believe that what happened means something special, but before you get more invested, ask yourself what you really want and what you’re willing to risk. If she stays with her boyfriend, you’ll be stuck in this loop of “almost something.” And if she leaves him for you, it should be because she decided that on her own, not because of one night or a few charged moments.

Maybe take a small step back and see how she acts when you’re not the one giving her attention. If she reaches out, wants to talk honestly, and makes it clear she’s ending her current relationship, then there’s room for something real. But until then, protect your heart. Don’t let her uncertainty turn into your heartbreak.

[Soft Truths]

I get how confusing that feels. When someone used to make you feel wanted and now suddenly doesn’t take the lead, it can mess with your head especially when you still care about them.

From what you described, he’s responding warmly but not initiating, which tells me he likes you but might be protecting himself. You ended things before, and even though you both decided to try again, he could still be hesitant, maybe afraid that if he reaches out too much, you’ll change your mind again. Sometimes people pull back a bit when they’re unsure where they stand.

I think this is one of those times where clear communication matters more than trying to “test” who texts first. You could tell him something like, “I know I was the one who ended things, but I really do want to make this work. I miss how close we used to be.” It’s vulnerable, but it opens the door for honesty.

If he still doesn’t put in effort after that no reaching out, no plans, no real emotion and then it’s fair to take that as a sign that his heart isn’t as in it anymore. But don’t jump to that conclusion just yet. People sometimes act distant not because they’ve lost interest, but because they’re scared of being hurt again.

You don’t need to chase him. Just meet him halfway and see if he moves toward you too. If not, you’ll know without having to guess.

[Member]

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