[Jantina]

There is nothig confusing about this relaitonship. On at least 3 occassions in your note, he has not been honest. e.g how did you find out he did his finals???

There is no excuse for not communicating if everything is ok. I think every girl would love to have the tall dark handsome (rich) and absolutely honest. There is no such thing as perfection. He’s got a kink somewhere in his armour. I think you have found it.

Great one-liners “the girl I go out with I want to view as potential wife” – meaning – I want sex to try you out. Am I cynical – yes. I’m hurt about a lot of things but I am starting to realise as I read these letters, that I am not as bad off as I thought I was. and yes April I am following your advice.Many thank. I hop this person follows your advice as well.

[Jantina]

I do honestly believe that male and females can be friends (excluding partners). But boundaries need to be set first otherwise it can be open for interpretation.

This guy was setting you up. You talked about a relationship not close to home and he figured like a few I have met recently – that if you’re alone you’re desperate. He was already telling you his intentions in the conversation you were having with him. The moment he started talking about if he was treating you right was already the signal. I almost can imagine you now saying to your “friend” (excuse this term,) that you miss him. If you did not set the boundary then he figured that he was allowed the next step. Its not your fault but this guys a jerk and obviously not the first time he’s done this.

I make a point not to mix my professional life with personal life and I mainly have male friends. I was brought up with guys and had 3 boys of my own – they are great to be with, BUT I do need to be mindful at all times that I do need to remind them of the boundaries. No harm in trying but this guy went too far.

[Jantina]

To expose hmself before permission is wrong in any mans/womans language.
The question of “can male and female ever be friends” is a never ending question with me.
I guess from your story there is no recourse for the man. So I feel that either you tell it to him straight what he did wrong and what you want out of this whole thing (truthfully) or drop him altogether. Again – he’s exposed himself -drunk or not. Just because you’re drunk does not permit behaviour like that. Even though being drunk can make you do stupid things. I feel you have got to think what you really want from this guy or any other guy as time goes by and set your boundaries case by case. Please, most men are pretty decent and you do have jerks both sexes. I’m sure all will work out

Regards, Jantina

[Jantina]

I’m not too good on this cause my marriage broke up because of this cheating thing. I’m not a jealous type. BUT don’t ever think that know one knows. I knew my husband was cheating I was the one that brought up the subject. He asked me to be understanding so I was for 7 odd years and myself and my boys were the ones that got negatively impacted.

Don’t do this to the ones you love. Just because you think they don’t know. take a good hard think at what you really want. Cause this is not right in any language.
Cheers, Jantina

[Jantina]

Thanks April,
I have acutally started not answering his calls and he has for the first time phoned me this morning before I go to work. Yeah!! I will get this book. I have a feeling I need it as I havent been down this path for a very long time. Many thanks again. I will take into consideration everything you have said. and it does make me feel a bit better.
Cheers, Jantina

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