[Liferuiner]

Sorry for replying yet again.. i just thought you may want to know how it went..

It went great. He was peed off at first, but now we have spoken about it, he’s accepted it. We’re going to meet up when he comes over here to study, so we can talk about it face to face!

Thank you so much April, without you this wouldn’t have been possible!

You’re going on my recommended list, lol 🙂

Thank you so much,

Lewis x

[Liferuiner]

Just to let u know, I sent the email – here is a copy of it.

To Alex,

I have had to prepare myself so much to say this. I am so afraid, but I don’t want to live a life of guilt and misery for the rest of my life. I may sound selfish by saying that, but believe me, i’ve got the best intentions in my mind, in my heart. This email may break your heart – i’m so sorry if it does. Mine is broken aswell. I’m in so much mental pain writing this for you.

I have been living a lie, Alex. I lied because I was afraid of feeling bad (even though I feel so much worse than what I originally would have felt). I didn’t want to feel rejected as your friend, though now I look, you would never have done that. It is much easier to lie online that to people you know in real life, because you only tell the person as much as what you want to.

At worst sitation after reading this, you will probably hate me and never speak to me again. That would hurt alot, but it’s what I deserve for being such a cunt. The lie I have told would catch up with me at the end of the day, and if I don’t tell the truth now, then there is certainly no chance you’ll ever trust me again (though you probably wont, anyways).

It has been on my conscience so much, this lie I have told. It tears me apart, it really does. But at the end of the day, I have to face the music and confront these lies head on. I have made such a mess, and I know it. It has caused people so much pain. I’m such a prick.

I will bend over backwards to let you know that i’ll never lie like this ever again. I promise you that (though, im not good with promises, am i? im truthful about this one) I wont lie to you ever again. Never.

I believe it is important for you to see who your real friends are. Friends mean everything to me, and you. I want to let you know, i’m not a good friend. In fact, I am a TERRIBLE friend. I’ve lied to you.. and.. ugh, it’s just i’m a terrible friend.

The truth is, Alex, (this is so hard to type this), is my friend did not die. My mum and dad have not gone lockdown on me. I didn’t delete every account on the net i have. I’ve lied.

My mind is fucked up, so much. I’ve broke your heart, made you feel guilty last night, and made everything so much worse, when in fact I should have told the truth. I’m tired of this lie i’m living, Alex. I want you to know how much of a prick I really am.

As you said in your own words, nobody’s perfect. I know that. I’m a deceitful liar.

II should have let you know from day one that my heart is with a girl.. her name is Kayleigh, and she means everything to me. As I said, my mind is fucked, and some twisted part of me thought it would have been alright to mess around with YOU. I am so sorry, Alex, that I did this. You’re such a great guy.. I should have never lead you on.

The truth is, I DO love you, but it would never work out, Alex.

(This is VERY complicated and emotional for me to write, and perhaps even more for you to read).

We could never be, Alex. The moment I realised how much shit I was getting into was when you replied to when i said ”i love you”. When you replied back, I noticed how much I had got myself into. So I lied to cover it up. I lied, and dug myself a deeper hole.. and that is all my fault. I’ve broken your heart, and I see that. You don’t realise what I would do to take myself back to the beginning of this week. To correct everything. But then I wouldn’t have met a wonderful guy like you.

(I just got your email, i’m crying now >_<)

So, I just wanted to tell you the truth. I’ll be online from now onwards, so when you come on, PLEASE say something to me. Tell me how disgusted you are in me. Make me feel even guiltier than what I already am. Please Alex, I deserve it.

You don’t deserve any of the shit that i’ve put you through – that is NOT a lie. And I know that one day, a VERY lucky guy will have you. Your personality is brilliant, Alex, one of the best ones i’ve ever come across.

Anyhow, I hope you understand how sorry I am. And please, don’t do anything to hurt yourself. It wont make things better.

I’m going to go and tell Kayleigh now. Everyone deserves to know what is going on.

I hope you have a great first day at college. And please don’t blame yourself for this, like you may do. It’s all my fault, like I said last night.

I hope the option of meeting up when you come to the UK is still open – I’m better with apologies face to face, and you deserve more than just an email.

Best wishes,

Lewis x

I am truthful about wanting to meet up with him when he comes over. He deserves an apology face to face, rather than over email.

Thanks again April,

Lewis <3

[Liferuiner]

Thank you so much for the reply, April <3

This is going to be so hard. By lying i’ve only dug myself deeper into the ground, huh?

Problem is, this is going to break his heart. I don’t want to be the cause of his hurting himself even more, or worse, killing himself.. i’m scared.

But i’ll tell him. I’ll send him an email – I wouldn’t be able to cope with it on MSN. I have alot to admit to, and he’ll probably hate me from now on, but it’s the truth that matters at the end of the day.

Thank you so much for replying, April.. if I didn’t stumble opon this website, I probably would have continued living a lie, and things would have gotten way out of hand..

Best wishes,

Lewis <3

[Member]

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