[confusedgirl]

Thank you so much for your advice April!

I actually kind of tried what you just told me, the last time we had a fight about it I promised myself I wouldn’t forget anything, and since then I’ve been writing down our special dates so every now and then I check it out and remember. I haven’t told him about it because if I do he’ll say that I still don’t care and that he means so little to me that I have to write down the things we do because I can’t remember them on my own… I just know he’s going to say it, that’s just the type of guy he is. Another thing is, he wants me to remember the things I’ve already forgotten, but… is it even possible? Now when we talk and I get the feeling he’s about to say something about the past I get like this huge pressure and change the subject quickly.

I forgot to say, the reason he gets hurt and angry is because he doesn’t think I can’t remember because I have bad memory, he says he also has a bad memory but he can still remember those moments because there are some things you just can’t forget. I believe that too, which is why I can’t explain why I can’t remember…

Right now I feel like there’s a bomb about to explote and can’t do anything to stop it. I feel I screw up and I’ll never find another man like him. I mean I think he’s the one (we’ve even talked about getting married in the future) when we’re together it’s just so wonderful… But I’m so confused, I get all kinds of thoughts… like I’m hurting him and I’m just being selfish for not letting him go.. also if I do let him go I won’t be able to take it.. the truth is I don’t want to let him go, it’s just our relationship has a lot of issues… he used to hit me, not hard though.. just slaps on the face and small punches on the stomach and face.. he stopped when he almost made me serious damage, since then when he gets angry he just yells at me or grabs me by the neck, which compared to what he used to do is nothing. I know he’s doing his best to control himself because he loves me, but sometimes I get this thoguht ‘the man that loves you shouldn’t hit you’ then again relationships aren’t perfect, right? If he can forgive me for hurting him so much emotionally, then I can forgive him for hurting me phisically (which I believe hurts way less, an injury done to the skin can easily heal, but one done to the heart will stay there forever) He’s also extremely jealous, he won’t let me talk to other guys at college (and I know this sounds ridiculous and I’m letting him control me… but I’d rather stop talking to the entire world than to lose him… is this so wrong?) Anyway, all this things make me wonder if I’m doing the right thing.. when I think about it my mind tells me that the logic thing to do is to end things now, but my heart tells me exactly the opposite. I just don’t want to lose the love of my life, I don’t want to make a mistake and end up regretting it my entire life. I seriously don’t know what to do…

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