[alleb0206]

So I have preivously posted on here about my man talkin to another girl and having 2 jobs and blah blah blah, this may not exactly be for relationship advice, but it is about my relationship!!

So basically we have pretty much talked and came to terms with everything and we are doing wonderful, He ended up quitting his job at the convienence store because he made more money at the other job. But the thing is, when he quit that job he also quit the other job he was making more money at. So then he was was left without a job period. And it wasn’t so bad at first but now we are going on like 3 or 4 months with him not having a job and it is really starting to bother me. The thing is, first off he is a felon and it has been 6 years already so it is already hard for him to get a job around here in this small little town, and second off we are planning on moving to Colorado in February, which we have been talking about for a long time. So I think he may be trying to put it off until then because he hates this small town!! It seems like a touchy subject with him, everytime I bring up the whole job thing he gets like, not mad, but almost like irritated with me and is always saying he will, or sometimes he will say that he has no initiative to get a job in this small a** town. And basically that is the end of the conversation. Period.

But it is really starting to get to me, I mean my check only pays for so much and I am left with the responsibility of paying rent, gas and electric bills, my car payment (which they are threatening to re-posses),daycare bills… I mean EVERYTHING! We have 2 small children, one in diapers and I honestly cannot afford to do it all and pay for everything! I am surprised I have made it this far with only my income. I am getting to the point to where I am completely stressed out about everything. I am worried about everything and it is constantly making me be in a bad mood.And he never wants to talk about it, money issues, I dont know how to express this to him without making him feel uncomfortable or without making him irritated!! But he needs to get a job. He has been offered two if he would just take the applications in!!!! Which is what he was supposed to do today!! But when I got home for lunch him and our rooomate ( we rented out our basement to him) are sitting there watching tv and already drinking!!!! All I said was ” drinking already? Aren’t you going to take that application in today?” and he replies “Jeeze babe, get off my ass about it already, you tell me every 5 seconds.” And there you go, that is how he replies everytime!!!

I just want to be able to go out and buy my children what they need and be able to put gas in my car to get to and from work everyday. I want to be able to go layway things for Christmas and I want to catch up on all of the bills we are behind on!!! How do I make him understand that without pissing him off?? I just can’t do it all, working all of the time, cleaning the house, taking care of the kids, and being stressed about money is becoming way to much for me to handle!! I just want him to understand that I cannot DO IT ALL!!!

[alleb0206]

So last night when I got home from work, we ate dinner, sat there in silence for a few minutes, and then all of the sudden BOOM, he brought up the subject, first he was just talking about our argument and apologized for reacting the way he did to the situation. He said he never wanted it to get to that level ( a big huge fight) because it wasnt even serious like that. After talking about our argument it kind of just eased into the conversation about the whole situation and not just our argument. 😮

He apologized numerous times for even trying to talk to another woman, and he said he has no idea why he would ever jepordize losing me. He kept telling me that I was his baby, and he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He kept calling himself stupid and dumb, and in a way I kind of just sat there and let him pour his heart and soul out to me. It felt soooo good to me to hear him say these things…he said so many more things but if i were to put them all on here you would be reading for probably 2 or 3 hours lol…

So to make a very long story short we did finally talk about EVERYTHING, in depth, which is what I felt we needed to do. I was just concerned about how to bring up the subject?? Truth be told, today I feel 110% better than I have this whole month. I felt like we were slowly falling apart and I am starting to think that the “spark” is back in our relationship. We are back to communicating with each other, which we have always been good at, but lately its been not like that. One thing he told me last night,was that when he feels like I am distant or when I feel like he is distant, or if something is bothering either one of us, we need to talk to each other about it like we used to, idk this story probably just bounces from this to that….but thank you for you advice, I layed off of him about it thinking it would take forever for him to come to me, and it only took 2 days!! I am glad I got my baby back!!! 😉

I know things aren’t totally and completely “fixed” because there are a few things we both want to work on as a couple and independently. But I finally feel like I can take a sigh of relief about him walking out on me or leaving me, because he re-assured me many times last night that he could never and would never leave me…he says I am too good to him 😀

[alleb0206]

Thank you so much for the advice!! I was so scared that the advice I would recieve would be telling me to leave him, that is not something I really want to do. I am willing to work and make our relationship new again, I am willing to do anything to get “us” back. But I am not willing to sit around and be cheated on either. What you have told me does make alot of sense, because having a baby does change a relationship, wether you want it to or not. And I am going to work on my side of it first…I have tried to be more alluring and sexy for him..just seems like we are always at work, and when I am home he isnt home, and when he is home I am not home. We need to set aside some time for just “us.”I agree totally with you advice on that too!! The only thing about trying to be sexy for him is I have let myself go a little, I mean I dont do near as much as I used to with myself..like when we met…but that reason is he is somewhat of a jealous type..if I do start doing what I used to do he makes little comments like “well who are you getting all sexy for if we arent going to see each other all day?” so that makes me back off a little on trying to get all “dolled up”. but he has also told me that he loves the little extra weight I have put on..which I was very skinny when I got pregnant, and he always said that he would like to me to put on a little more weight…I went from 120lbs, to now 140 and he says he loves it!! He says I could even put on 10 more lbs and he wouldnt mind… He also tells me he loves seeing me in “mommy mode” so thats makes me feel better about the situation…So I am going to try and forget what happened so we can try to move past this. One question…What if it doesnt work? What if he continues talking to her?? And is ther anyway to bring up the conversation about what has happened without it causing a fight?? I can work on us, and I can work on me, but eventually I am going to NEED to talk about this…I just want his re-assurance that he wants ME and only ME! I’m sorry for the long posts I am just in a jam here and I need to save this relationship before it’s un-saveable!!
Thank you so much for your advice I do appreciate it!!

[alleb0206]

September will be 4 years for us, we have always had a wonderful relationship. We have always communicated with each other about things openly..it wasnt until after he started working so much that things went down this path…his part time job is at a mini mart and that is where he got this number from…plus she always goes in there and there is absolutely nothing him or I can do about it. I have tried to get him to quit this part time job but he says that we need the extra money right now. We are about 9 years apart. I am 22 and he is 30…so you would think he would be ready to settle down wouldnt you? Yes there is quite a gap in our age…but we just click, we are right for each other, and my family loves him as well as his family loves me. I mean he tells me all of the time that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and marry me. He has lead to me believe that I am his soulmate!! It does hurt, very badly, and when he thinks the subject is done and over with I have still not talked about it enough to get my head level. I just need to talk about it, I want him to be sorry and feel bad for what he has done, but I dont bring it up because I am scared it will cause a fight?? And by the way we not only have just our 5 month old son I also have a 5 year old daughter that is not his biologically, but she calls him “daddy” and he has taken care of her for the past 4 years, how would I ever explain another daddy walking out on her??…I want to fix things, and I want him to want to fix things also…I dont know what I would do without him?? I am just in a tough situation, and I am praying to God that this is the man that I will spend the rest of my life with…any advice would be greatly appreciated!!!

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