[heh56720]

I understand. It has almost been a month since the break up and during that month I have healed from the pain and bad memories of the break-up and now I am at that stage of just missing him and I feel like he is or will be at that stage himself soon so I am going to try the no contact thing for at least two weeks, I don’t want to wait too long. I do want to give him more space especially since a new semester for us at school has just started and we’ve already seen each other around campus but haven’t talked yet, neither one of us have been able too. I will acknowledge him only if he does first and try to keep it friendly and that same vibe we felt the last time we hung out.

Yesterday, one of his close friends contacted me and said that he (close friend, not ex) noticed I had seemed like I was happy, moving on, and seemed to be getting all the guys. (A LOT of guy friends have been posting on my wall, nothing too flirty just asking how I am or random inside jokes.)
He obviously got this from my facebook profile since I have been making a ton of new friends (mostly guys haha) and hanging out with several new and old and its all been posted there so I know if his friend noticed then he (ex) has got to have noticed too which is good? I am actually not sure if that would be good of my ex to notice that or not, I DO want him to see that I am off having a good time with or without him but I don’t want him to think that I have completely moved on so he in turn will just move on himself. Am I doing the right things with that? Is all that I laid out a good plan?

[heh56720]

🙂 Is there anything I should or shouldn’t be doing now according to the situation or what you think of it? Thank you!

[heh56720]

Hi April, I figured I would give an update as to what has happened since it has been a couple of weeks. (:

Lately, I’ve been getting out of the house A LOT and spending tons of time with friends and overall trying to keep myself busy and absolutely positive. I’ve let it show through Facebook and when I out and about that I am happy, busy, and enjoying myself. (: I am no way over him and I still do love him and want him back, but I have taken this time to improve myself and I think that is better no matter what happens.

I did the no contact thing for about a week before I broke and ended up texting him just a simple I hope you have a great night and he immediately responded with a thank you, hopes that I had a great night, and he told me where he was going (just to the city for motorcycle ride with some friends) which I thought was weird, why would he tell me that where he was going if we weren’t together anymore so I kinda took that as a good sign.

The next day he texted me asking me how I was and the conversation turned into possibly hanging out that day. I was actually busy so I told him I wouldn’t be available to hangout until later and he asked me to text him when I was so later when I was free I texted him. It actually took awhile to make plans and figure out what we were going to do, but eventually we settled on going to the park and going for a walk and talking.

We started off talking about what we had been up too lately and while I had a crap ton to talk about and was obviously happy and excited about what had happened lately, he didn’t seem like he had a lot going on. Most of his time was spent working on his bike and staying inside his house most of the time and he seemed bored and unsatisfied with his life lately. While we were walking we accidently kept brushing up next to next to each other and then he poke me every time it would happen. haha

We actually walked for awhile and ended up walking to an old spot of ours that before we had had lunch and just cuddled under a tree at the edge of a little pond there a few months ago when we were dating. We sat down under that same tree and talked for a little bit and then would lap into a comfortable silence. After awhile he laid down and so did I and it was like that for awhile before he pulled me towards him and kept me close. We never kissed or anything just laid in comfortable silence in each others arms and we actually both fell asleep like that. (*:

The next morning we did slip up and made out for a few seconds before I put an end to it nicely and I almost lost my control in starting to beg and plead, but I got myself together real quick. For a couple of hours I laid next to him with his arm over my back as he catnapped and I read (I always keep a book in my bag and I wasn’t tired so I decided to read.) Every ten minutes or so he would wake up and start tickling me and he was being really flirtatious just like the time right before we started dating. This went on comfortably for a couple of hours before we both agreed that we needed to get home since we both had stuff to do. When we were saying our goodbyes I asked him to not give up on us and he said he wasn’t and he was smiling in a good way, I don’t know how to explain the smile but I felt like he meant it.

Overall, I think the night went very, very well and I feel like the mix of the flirtatiousness like right before we were dating and it still feeling like we are a couple was good and it should stay that way if we are going to get back together. The signs that he still likes me and isn’t over me are still there in my opinion and those that I’ve talked to about it. I can see him and I getting back together very, very soon if it continues like this. (:

[heh56720]

Hi April, so I thought a lot of what you advised and I have a question, should I completely break contact right now (I haven’t wanted to do it while hes sick, I can’t see him, and explain) and if I should how should I tell him that I think its best that we just don’t talk and see each other for awhile? I know, to him, me telling him that I don’t want to be talk and see him for a while will hit him suddenly and drive him a bit crazy because I have ALWAYS been eager to do both.

I had a plan of keeping limited contact with him while he’s sick, but always let him contact me first, keeping the conversations light, pleasant, and always ending it by saying I had to go because I was going to be busy doing something. And when he is feeling better and I am able to see him again I was going to decide whether I felt it was best, by his reactions, to break or keep contact. I don’t know what would be better for the situation right now, can you help me?

[heh56720]

Thank you for the advice. Recently, I HAVE considered in telling him that we shouldn’t be friends until we both can move on or get back together, but I am not sure in what I should do. Half of hose I have talked to about it say I should stay best friends with him, give it a little time for us to get back together, and that the best marriages and relationships come from those who remain best friends. That not remaining friends with him is the worst possible thing I could do for us both. The other half are telling me that I shouldn’t see or talk (hardly) to him for at least a month or until I am completely over him. It will be a very, very long time before I am over him so waiting until then is not what I want to do, really. haha I would like to try something to get back together with him and I truly do see it working again even if it takes a little bit of time. I know he hasn’t and won’t be able to move on or get over me easily or quickly either, which is why I still think there is a chance for us. It worked once before so it can work again, and all relationships (minus the abusive ones) can be saved in my opinion.

I am honestly stuck in between the two options, but what I have decided to do is not talk to him these next two weeks he’s sick, unless he talks to me first, and the next time I am able to hangout with him I will be able to figure out if it would be better to remain best friends or break the friendship even if its just for a little while, by how he will act and such. As much as I don’t want to lose my relationship with him or even his friendship I do see your point on he can’t miss me or appreciate me while I am always there and available since I have ALWAYS been there, we really have done absolutely everything together and we’re around each other since the beginning of our relationship. Maybe these two weeks will work out for the better and he will have all the time to think about what he really wants since he won’t be able to see or talk to me much.

Thank you April for your help and I will let you know how it does go. 🙂

[heh56720]

I am 19 going on 20 and he just turned 23.
We dated for a little over 7 months before he broke up with me, I told him that I didn’t agree with the break-up but since it seemed to be what he wanted that I was accepting it. When he ended it he told me that he thought this was best for ‘us’ and given time and with God it would work out between ‘us’.
We broke up because he said he wasn’t in love with me anymore and he didn’t know WHY he wasn’t. He said it was a feeling that just gradually came and that he didn’t want to fall out of love with me. I find it hard to believe that he isn’t in love with me anymore, I was the first girl he ever dated and obviously the first girl he fell in love with, he even said ‘I love you’ first. He keeps showing signs that he doesn’t seem to be over me and may still be in love with me.
The connection between since the first time we dated still feels like its there, like every time we see each other or talk to each other we still act like a couple almost, minus the names you give your significant other and the sexual intimacy, and it still FEELS like we are a couple. I hung out with him a couple of times last week, now he has strep thoart so now I can’t see him for two weeks 🙁 and he was being a little flirtatious and playful and gave me a couple of unexpected kisses on the lips. I told him he couldn’t do that and to not do that again, that it only hurts and confuses us both. He told me he knew, he was sorry, and wouldn’t do that again. We spent a few minutes in silence before he gave a huge sigh and asked me how come it was so hard to just be friends and not want to act or be a couple.

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