[Crimson_King]

[quote=”April Masini”]Good luck to you![/quote]

Hi April,

Yeah, I’m surprised that you even wrote something the other day after all these last 4-5 years……anyway, I would have to venture to say that ALL of the posts from 2011 were typed out while under the influence of at least 32 ounces of Bud-Ice alcohol……which I was sipping daily ALL DAY LONG for a few years there.

So, basically, it was all BS from the beginning. When I get online after drinking, I begin to say some fairly bizarre things, & such behavior tends to snowball & descend into lies, just to see if I can get reactions from people.

I haven’t had any alcohol/illicit-illegal drugs or psychotropic substances/chemicals for at least 10-11 months now, & I do realize that I would never have even posed any questions to you about anything really, if I hadn’t been drunk.

But thanks for humoring me back then, ok? No hard feelings?

By the way, I really do have a paranoia though (while completely sober) about encountering some other man’s “you know what” up in there if I ever have oral sex with a woman, or that her “organ” shall I say, will be all loose, flappy, stretched-out or deformed because of all the years’ worth of sex women have had, esp. if they have had relations with an African-American man, actually.

…….I don’t know why exactly I have this paranoia, (is it unfounded?)……..but it has been a voice in my head many times for about 20 years now. I keep saying,

“Jeezo-Wheezo, am I nuts? Just shut up and don’t worry about that. I guess a condom would solve that problem, and so what if it’s all loose”, and then shortly thereafter, there’s the nagging, annoying thought, returned again…….oh well, don’t know what to say.

………..it becomes an obsession/rumination that I fight hard to ignore or dispel from the mind and say to myself repeatedly: “STOP thinking about that!” ……that rarely does the job and this physiological/anatomical fear/anxiety often returns shortly anyway……strange.

I’m not too worried anymore about whether or not I have a relationship anytime in the near future. I’m sure the opportunity will present itself whenever it presents itself, or not. It would be a waste of time to obsess about it.

And I lied absolutely & completely from the very beginning about virginity back then.

I have had sex with 2 separate people, several times with each woman;………..one woman in 1993-4 and the other in 2009-10, (the first girl was a virgin & so was I, but the second was actually loose, and stretched-out, and was offended when I mentioned that I couldn’t feel any physical sensation because of that fact……..but I would suspect (for various reasons) that she had a pretty long list of men she had slept with over the years which might explain that loose-ness, I don’t really know.

……so that whole “Woe is me, I am a virgin” bit was an egregious lie, both to you/the readers & to myself. Why I would lie to myself and pretend that I was a virgin is a mystery; perhaps I want people to feel sorry for me, but that’s a dead-end street really………

However, I learned quite sometime ago that honesty is the best policy, not only to others but more importantly, to oneself.

Thanks again, take care.

Crimson_King

[Crimson_King]

Dear April,

I know it’s been a long time since we corresponded, but I should tell you that I lied again.

Alcohol, I’ve noticed, tends to stimulate lies in ppl who are pathological.

I never asked over 100 women out, nor was I rejected by 100 women.

The real number is about 10-12 women, and about half of those were rejections from junior high and from high school 1986-1992.

So, actually, I have only approached about half a dozen people in the last 20 years. I feel bad about the lie.

The last poster was right, to some extent. I DID wish to gain a response from readers with that “100-110” number, but it just isn’t true.

Also, my emotions don’t spill out all over the place when I am completely sober.

Sorry to lead you on like that, k?

Sincerely,

a sober and less emotional Matt 😳

“If you don’t know where you are going, eventually you will get there.” – Robert Fripp

[Crimson_King]

[quote=”bmarez”] I hope you do come to terms with yourself and realize what you are right now is self destructive. Good luck.[/quote]

of course “self-destructive”……….an old TV quote…1970:

“this message will self-destruct in 30 seconds” (from Get Smart, look it up)…..

I told you b4 that I wish for some form of cancer, don’t you remember? also, I fibbed, it’s not a therapist, it’s a psychiatrist.

[Crimson_King]

Dear April,

I am really seriously shocked at the number of views my “problem” created. Almost 600 views??

Wowsers! (as inspector gadget would say…)

i have a confession.

I was….not drunk, per se,…but, after 2 beers, “slightly intoxicated”…..when I made most of my posts to you.

it’s embarrassing. 😳

normally, I have NO desire to say those sorts of things that, upon re-reading the dialogue, I did say. I have no ‘excuses’. And I am grateful at those others who have chimed in.

There is actually a fair amount of happiness when I am sad, lying in bed all day and all night. it’s become a ‘routine’ after 2 years, and, honestly,
I don’t want a relationship. Online pornography does that trick.

I have no desire to “lash out” at you or anyone when I am sober, ok? I would NEVER have asked for your advice if I had NOT had any beers, eh?

One shouldn’t pay attention to what one says after a couple of beers, ok April?

Sorry.

Although…..yesterday, I contacted someone I was completely head over heals in love with 15 years ago (via facebook). I sent her an e-mail stating that she was the sl*ttiest c*nt I ever knew whom I wouldn’t even touch with a ten-foot pole even if she was attracted to me. In 1992, she claimed that she only wanted to be ‘friends’ after all those years growing up and playing together next door.

I told her that she is probably diseased ‘down there’, and all loose and stretched out, flappy, and deformed given the 50 plus people she has slept with, and that she probably has 10 guys’ ‘you know what’ inside her as she reads this. (by the way, you never answered my question about that on Page 1) 😕

I ALSO told her that I hoped that she would develop ovarian, cervical, or breast cancer and would die…..like, tomorrow.

and last, I typed that i hope that she has nothing but miscarriages and stillborns every time she tried to have a child.

Is that evil? I hope not, since it felt SO NICE to mail that one off, given the smile on my face..

you told me that i need to get my feelings in check, but my therapist claimed that I need to ‘release’ my emotions somehow, or come to terms with them…..So….I sent her an e-mail. It doesn’t matter if she responds or not (she hasn’t). But….sorry bout the alcohol-fuelled posts.

sincerely,

Matt

[Crimson_King]

Jeezo Wheezo!

how did this thread get up to 420 or so views??

is it just the spectacle of it? is it like a sideshow? or like an auto accident on the highway that people stop to look at?

what could people possible learn from this exchange.

1) You have an attitude problem……change it.
2) Get a job……somehow.
3) Read April’s books.

Yep, you know, it’s mildly irritating when an advice columnist promotes her own books as advice. I have encountered this time and time again. The readers and customers should do that, not the author.

How is April’s book or books different from the hundreds of others out there in the “self-help” industry? The book should stand on its own. She shouldn’t have to promote it in addition to her own twitter feed.

Thank you.

[Crimson_King]

[quote=”April Masini”]What GREAT advice, [b]bmarez[/b]! 😀[/quote]

yes, that is good advice. thank you “bmarez”! i have a LOT of work to do.

[Crimson_King]

hi April,

Are you even reading my posts? or are you just “skimming over”, “scratching the surface” to find “excuses”?

(20 years)…….I have had a number of good jobs, making enough $$$$$$ to live on my own, buy cars, pay the bills and expenses, eat well, achieve some independence, etc…….but I could never secure a date. I began to hate women after awhile, misogyny in excess……..It’s only natural, if you trace the development, i think any frustrated man would.

therefore, I figured it must be something OTHER than having a job that is the problem.

I keep hearing that I am NOT taking your advice…..but, I have had jobs before, eh?……and many many men have giving me tips, that ended in embarrassment actually. I don’t wan’t to talk about those moments, ok?

Asperger’s Syndrome is a kind of “explanation” for decades of strange behavior…..not “excuses”

(i don’t really even know what an excuse is, actually……..you keep using that word “excuse”, but I don’t understand at all)

Are you one of those people who believe that there is NO SUCH THING as Asperger’s or Autism?

I just need to know this…….if so, then I will cut off contact now, because there is a level of ignorance.

Remember, Asperger’s is usually diagnosed when a child is aged 3-10………

……..I was diagnosed at age 33…..hmmmm…..plus, the Psychologist @ the methadone clinic in 1996 claimed that one NEVER sees Asperger’s cases at drug abuse methadone treatment clinics……weird, eh?

[Crimson_King]

we’re talking about 20 years here (ten of them completely brain-dead on opium and cocaine, 10 on the rigors of reality and “emerging” into consciousness from the haze of heroin)

…….can you walk in my shoes for about a mile and see the “baggage” I have?

Everyone always says, “oh, baggage…….just dump it”

WOW! three little words……sounds easy doesn’t it.

Well, talk to Freud about that one…….But I need some relief, April……..seriously considering some method of suicide.

[Crimson_King]

[quote=”April Masini”]You’re still doing it — making excuses and diverting your focus instead of doing the work required to be in a relationship — and get the experience you want! 😉 I can help you only as much as you’re willing to roll up your sleeves, do the work, and help yourself. 😀[/quote]

hi!

can you do me a favor and tell me what the difference is between an “excuse” and an “explanation”?

[Crimson_King]

[quote=”April Masini”]The reason that I think you don’t want help is that you keep offering up excuses for not getting a job — And now, you’ve not only offered excuses for not working, but you challenged my expertise by asking for credentials, rather than taking the advice I gave you: [/quote)

Oh my God! I am SO sorry for “lashing out” at you……I actually don’t remember the lashing part, but I wanted to know exactly who I was talking to here. April, it wasn’t a judgment on you, k? I feel horrible and sad thinking that i lashed out at you.

Remember you told me that the fact that I have an advanced degree would allow me to “beat out” other men who are in line for certain jobs? ……..i took that as an act of encouragement and support……I thought, “Hey, perhaps this Degree will help me get a fine job”…….is it really just a piece of paper that tells us where you have been, but doesn’t mean as much as you told me it would?

here are the relevant quotes:

“So, I know the economy is challenging, but you’re obviously very bright and educated, so you’re going to beat out a lot of other men in line for work because of those two assets”

“I hope you’ll remember that advanced degrees are great, but since you know first hand that you have a BA degree –[b] and no job, no money, no home, no girlfriend, a criminal record and a rotten credit score[/b] — sometimes a degree is just a piece of paper that tells you where you’ve been and what you’ve done. It isn’t a assurance or badge of success! Many people without any college or even high school degree become successful in real life because they are motivated and driven to succeed. There is no substitute for showing up and doing the work. You should really re-think the the idea that an advanced degree or any kind of degree means life success”

also:

“Stop looking for excuses. Asperger’s is not an excuse for not working.”

April, I don’t remember using my diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome as an excuse for anything…….can you remind me?

here’s one more:
And frankly, you keep touting rejection by 120 women in 20 years as some kind of pity award winning record. 😯 In my book that’s only 6 rejections a year. 😯 That’s nothing!

i should tell you that I was completely high on vein injections of heroin and cocaine for 10 years plus, basically “brain dead w/no libido at all” and i never talked to any woman. So, technically, that 120 rejections only encompasses 9-10 years, not 20……i forgot about the addiction period of no activity…..so, actually, we are talking about 12/year average, not counting the years I never asked anyone out.

Sorry, one last point,

if you know anyhting about Asperger’s Syndrome, you might realize that ……quote:

“When something hurts your feelings, figure out WHY you’re hurt, and what you can learn from the information rather than stopping dead in your tracks because your feelings are uncomfortable.”

Asperger’s cases have difficult problems with just that kind of learning…..they just don’t see it without help……..serious help..

[Crimson_King]

Dear April,

I apologize in advance for starting a kind of on-going dialogue here, but…

I am baffled as to why one would think that I “don’t want you help”, or that I “ignored you”. And slightly hurt by that, actually. I wouldn’t have originally written and responded to you if I didn’t want your help. 😉

Perhaps I didn’t communicate properly (Asperger’s anyone?)

I have been vigorously seeking attempts to find a job for almost 2 years; have submitted 100s of apps recently, daily in fact.

The problem is:

1) i am currently on legal probation for a drug related offense from several years ago, so have a visible record.
2) my credit score is right now somewhere between 40-50 points. I have heard that more companies are performing background/credit checks on applicants
3) i have been told by several potential employers that my resume history is “flimsy” at best. I cannot even seem to get hired at McDonald’s actually.
4) everything in done online these days (no paper applications) and when I send an app/cover letter by e-mail, with follow-ups, no one ever responds.

These are NOT excuses of course for “wanting to stay in my problem”, like you said. 😕

Secondly, I am worth about 85 cents in the bank right now and am living with mom on food stamps, and unfortunately am unable to purchase your generously-priced book now or in the near future. Sorry. But it is on my current reading list. Is your book at public libraries?

But my motivation has gone up thanks to your advice. Thanx! 🙂

p.s. Are you a licensed therapist or an MD/PhD in Psychology? Just curious.

[quote=”April Masini”]Hi Matt: It really doesn’t sound like you want my help. 😳 I gave you two pieces of advice and you ignored both of them.

When you’re ready for help, I’m here, but if you want to stay in your problem….. I can’t help you. 🙁

Write me again after you read the book and after you take the job hunt seriously!

[Crimson_King]

dear april,

sorry, but i wanted to ask you if it is strange for me to obsess about the horrors of women who are known as “promiscuous” or “sl**s”, to be vulgar.

I find myself thinking ALL the time about another man’s “you know what” being up inside a woman that i might meet someday. I have heard that that stuff can stay in there for [i]days, perhaps weeks.[/i] I feel like vomiting when I think about it, but my tactic is to plan to tell the woman to clean herself out before I touch her.

Is that irrational?

Also, I feel nauseous when I think about how stretched out, flappy, loose, and deformed a woman who has been intimate with many men might be if I ever had sex with one.

THAT is really gross! I am afraid that she will laugh at me or say something like, “Whenever you’re ready”, if I am already “in there” if you know what i mean. That actually happened to someone I know. !!

Are these irrational fears/obsessions? Or is there something to them? A couple of men have told me about it, and I suddenly became anxious about it a few years ago.

Thank you,

Matt

[Crimson_King]

hi april,

thanx for the encouragement and positivity. however, i have been told to “get a job” for years now, and it’s not as though I have [i]never[/i] had one. I worked for years at a variety of jobs, mostly public and academic libraries; some of these jobs have paid fairly well and have lasted for extended periods. But I was still rejected.

Perhaps you didn’t notice that I mentioned about 100-120 rejections?

Now i know exactly why so many men out there “fear” rejection…….[i]it actually hurts just as much as they think it will.[/i]

How do you explain over a hundred women? I have become almost completely numb over the years, (this doesn’t help the Asperger’s Disorder, incidentally) and it is [i]extremely[/i] difficult to muster forth any kind of “positive thinking” or “pro-activity”. I have cried my eyes out far too many times, April, I lost count a LONG time ago.

You said that there are women out there who would “love” to date me, but even when I was working full-time and living independently for months at a time, I always came and left the bars or clubs alone crying as I walked to my car in the parking lot.

Someone told me recently, “you can turn things around once you stop thinking of yourself as a victim”…….

well, not to be a hopeless cynic or anything, but……isn’t there a [i]real distinction[/i] between “thinking of oneself as a victim”, and actually BEING a victim? Aren’t there actually real victims of one sort or another in this world?

I cannot deny that there actually [i]might be some REAL victims[/i] out there, as well as those who are guilty of “self-victimization”…….Take the Jews and the Holocaust………irregardless of whether or not they “perceive” themselves as victims, the fact remains that they actually were victims.

sincerely,
Matt

[Member]

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