[wolfgazer79]

Hello again, an update on my girlfriend’s fantasy habits. She has pretty much stopped fantasizing other men and I have found out that she was doing this because they were more her type/image that she looks for in a man. She likes the kind of man that will speak out no matter what is said and I am the type of man that doesn’t speak out or get into fights over words. I am more the quiet type but I am also protective of my family and that is what she will not understand. Also, she is not all that physically attracted to me other than to her I am just cute. Since she has stopped these fantasies though we are hardly intimate since I told her if you don’t get turn on by me don’t bother coming to me for sex. As a result we may get intimate like once a week or so. However, lately I have been rethinking this whole relationship. The only thing we have in common are some tv show and very few religious beliefs. She’s a pentecostal and I am more of an independent baptist, it’ like night and day. She has agreed to make love and do more foreplay because she claims this turns her on with me and I was fine with that but it’s like I get mixed messages because she says this yet this is more of an on and off thing. Like when we first started this it was daily and then it went to every other day and then she didn’t want to do this anymore and then she got back into doing this and slacked off yet again. She puts me and my family down often and yet she is still saying she wants a future with me and now I have her afraid I am going to leave her. I have been thinking about leaving her but I do not want to make the wrong decision if this relationship can be saved. I just think that it might be the best for both of us to break it off and she can get someone she will be more happy with as can I. Can you please help me with this? Thank you.

[wolfgazer79]

Hello again,

Since I last posted my gf and I came to an agreement that she would work on fantasizing only me and forget about the fantasies of other men. This has been working alright however for the past 3 weeks she has been slacking up in this. Now she’s back to fantasizing someone she used to fantasize all the time and it seems like it’s worse than before. In fact yesterday she told me if this person she fantasizes comes to the door and wants to marry her she would be a fool not to go with him. Not to mention that in the same context she told me that she loves him and then apologized for it and said that she was caught up in her delusion again. Could there be something seriously wrong with our relationship. I can understand every once in a while out of boredom people will have a fantasy or 2 but to hold on to this and get so involved in it to tell your bf that you love that person even though you never met that person seems like something may be wrong with the relationship.

[wolfgazer79]

Hello again,

I know I haven’t posted anything in a while. My girlfriend has since atopped fantasizing other men and is now fantasizing us. However, there has been no change in our intimate life. Since she stopped fantasizing other men we might be intimate once a week if I’m lucky. I was wondering if it is possible for her lust to grow for me so we can have a healthy relationship or is that just hoping against hope. Also, my gf asked me if that is healthy for her to grow in lust for someone else. She wants to know if it should just come naturally or if she is doing the right thing. I think she is doing the right thing and there is nothing wrong with it and I told her as much but she wants a professional opinion on the matter so I am asking you. Any input would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.

[wolfgazer79]

Hello again,

I know it has been a while since I posted anything. My girlfriend has since stopped fantasizing other men and now she fantasizes her and I. The thing is is that it doesn’t seem like lust is growing and I was wondering if you can tell me whether or not a person can grow to lust after someone they love by fantasizing them. Also, is this a healthy way to go about the relationship. Thank you for any input that you may have.

[wolfgazer79]

Well my girlfriend and I really had a great talk today regarding the fantasy issue. I do understand her past issues and we are working through them together. I am there to support her and talk with her as she works through them internally. That said I asked my girlfriend after we were intimate how the fantasies were because I am concerned for her and our relationship and she told me that she started out not having any thoughts at all of these other guys but toward the middle thoughts of them came creeping in and she pushed the thoughts away and focused back on me so she is making an attempt to rid herself of this and that’s a definite improvement. I suggested to her about putting her fantasies off on me as in whatever is done in her fantasy to this guy she does to me and vise versa if she’s willing to tell me. I was also thinking of getting into roleplaying with her maybe that’ll help as well. I haven’t suggested this yet as I was afraid it might cause her to truly bring her fantasy to life and her think that she is actually living it instead of being just a game. You have truly been a great help through all of this and I greatly appreciate it.

[wolfgazer79]

Well she changed that today aboout not getting into her head. She has been diagnosed with bipolar and is taking meds for it. I don’t know if that has something to do with it or not. I understand where you are coming from about her not seeing me as a part of a long term relationship yet she says she wants to marry me and move back to my hometown with me, Chicago, IL. She envisions a beautiful marriage between her and I so I don’t think it’s not that she doesn’t picture a long term relationship with me. When she told me to stay out of her head she was angry with me for always bringing up the fantasies and getting upset with her about them. I do know that there are certain things a person will do when they do not want to deal with life such as get into a kind of role playing, acting out a fantasy or some other imagination. Personally I think she may be doing this to escape her own life. She was sexually abused by her cousin in the past so that may have alot to do with it as well. I was sexually abused by my father as a child so I know and understand what she’s gong through but after years of pain and struggle I have learned to cope with it and the past go something my girlfriend has a very hard time doing. I am trying to help her out with that since I know the only way she can move on in life is to let the past go…the past is the past.

[wolfgazer79]

Thank you for your input. I was afraid this whole time she was doing this it was I was the problem. We actually discussed this further today and she said it’s getting better and she will continue to work on it. She does have a very active imagination which she’s had all of her life. She’s 35 years old but has issues in letting go of the past so I think the fantasies may be her way of dealing with the past. She says that she not only fantasizes these guys but she also fantasizes me which I guess that should make me feel better and be confirmation that it’s not a problem with me but just something she does to get away from reality. The only problem with that though would be that while I’m there or we are being intimate that means that she’s disconnecting herself from me. I actually had that thought of her gearing her fantasies toward me and trying to let her act them out with me but I was afraid that might encourage her behavior and make matters worse. The thought of me haveing to be some other guy worries me because it would seem to me that she would be in love with the guy in her mind and not me. I’m going to be patient with her in this and make an attempt to work with her on this if she is willing to work with me on this and can respect my feelings of how these things make me feel. Sometimes it just seems like she doesn’t care how I feel with this. That she doesn’t care that these fantasies actually hurt because in my thinking she has me so why does she need these fantasies to fulfill her desires. Thank you so very much for being there to talk with about this. Oh yeah now when she fantasizes these guys in a sexual way she says that it’s no longer her they are being intimate with but with other women kinda like a porn playing in mind. I guess I can handle that a little better but it still bothers me. Also, can I get your opinion on this she told me today that as her boyfriend I’m wrong for worrying about what’s in her mind but if I was her husband that would be another story. Have I crossed the line when I am worried about what she’s thinking about? Personally, I think this was just another way to let her have her way by telling me that. Thanks again. God bless you.

[wolfgazer79]

I tried to up my game in the bed but I found out this thing goes deeper than that. She says that she loves the sex between her and I and it cannot get better. Today while we were lying down in bed together I heard her make kissing sounds while lying next to her. When I confront her about it all she says is that she loves me and not to worry about it because it’s all in her head and that she thinks on me as well as these other guys. I just don’t understand what to do about this. She says that she’s had these fantasies before I was a part of her life and she has no intention of getting rid of them. It hurts when a guy walks into the bedroom and she’s lying there petting a pillow and holding the pillow with the same affection she holds me and caresses me. Maybe I’m making a big deal out of nothing, I don’t know. One of the guys she fantasizes is the actor Larenz Tate and the other guy is some dude she knew from the past. About a month ago she saw him in the mall while we were there and started talking to him which I don’t have a problem with as long as it’s an innocent conversation. But when you find out she fantasizes about this dude that takes it to a whole nother level in my opinion. Maybe you can help me sort this out. I appreciate any advice you can give me. Oh yeah she swears up and down that she loves me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me. And that even though she thinks on these other men that’s not where her heart is. She claims her heart is with me but then if that’s the case why even think on other men in an intimate way.

[wolfgazer79]

Thank you for the advice I will do this. That’s what I thought the problem was. I will let you know how it all works out.

[Member]

Posts