[JackB]

[quote]
Do you think it’s a good idea?
[/quote]
Yes. I’ve chickened out many times when I was your age, and I’ve regretted it later, so just go for it. From how you describe her, she certainly doesn’t seem like the type who is going to laugh at you or mock you, even if she doesn’t want to go on a date. At the very least, she’ll probably just be flattered that you asked. And, it sounds like there’s a good chance she’ll even say yes.

[quote]
If so, please give some suggestions as to where to go on the first date.
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It really depends on what she enjoys doing! I generally steer clear of going to movies, though, simply because you don’t really get to interact with each other much, other than possibly hand-holding or whatever. Since you’re friendly with her, you must have some idea of what she likes to do, right? Or something that she said she’d like to try doing?

[quote]
I would ask to meet her somewhere between, say 12:00 and 4:00 pm. Is that a weird time for a date?
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Well, it’s not the most common time for a date, but there’s no rule against it. I’ve gone on dates in those hours, and in a way they’re nice because they tend to be a bit less stressful, which is great particularly on a first date. It allows you to both relax and feel more casual around each other than you might if you were going out at night. Another benefit of going out in daylight is that you can do more outdoors stuff– go to a park, or a beach, or if you’re both sporty, go for a bike ride together, and then stop for a picnic. You get the idea.

[JackB]

[quote=”Lisa73″][quote=”MysteryWoman”]He knows what he wants! He wants a restraining order put on you.[/quote]

Why would you say something like that?[/quote]

I guessing she said it because, you know, the guy actually called the police to get you to leave his home.

Anyway, speaking as a guy, if I ever got to the point where I called the police to get a woman to leave my home, there’s a fairly good chance that I’m not romantically interested in her (understatement.)

[quote]
I’m not saying I was right, but I don’t think he was any more in the right in anything he did than me.
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Regardless of who’s right and who’s wrong, this is clearly not a healthy relationship.

[quote]
I can accept the fact that maybe he doesn’t want to date me, but if that’s the case then why hasn’t he started dating someone else, or at least looking?
[/quote]
Maybe he simply wants a break from dating anyone? Again, speaking as a guy, we don’t constantly NEED to be dating. And I know if I just got out of a relationship in which I was actually calling the cops to get the woman out of my home, I probably wouldn’t be in a huge hurry to jump right back into the dating scene.

[quote]
I was with this guy for 8 months and you don’t suddenly blow up over a throw pillow
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That’s true. There were probably other things about the relationship that were bothering him, which would also explain why he didn’t check up on you so often when you were sick. Sounds to me like there was something (or some THINGS) about the relationship that he wasn’t happy with, and the thrown pillow was just the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back. I once snapped at someone I was dating because she ate my last cookie… Was I really that mad about the cookie? Of course not, but there were other things that were bothering me about her, and when she did that, everything just came to the surface finally.

As for why he still wants to talk things over with you– if he stuck with you for 8 months, presumably there’s some good stuff in the relationship that maybe he’s a bit reluctant to let go of. That’s understandable. But the fact that he exploded over a thrown pillow and and also called the cops on you shows that there’s clearly a LOT of frustration there.
Why are you so worried about what HE wants, anyway? What about what YOU want? Do you want to stay with a guy who doesn’t care enough to check up on you when you’re sick? Who calls the cops on you? Who has temper tantrums?

[JackB]

If men and women couldn’t be “just friends,” I would have had a very lonely experience in college– I majored in elementary education, and as such, I was the only guy in my class for about three years. Obviously I wasn’t dating all of the women in my class, but I was “just friends” with quite few of them, and it didn’t lead to any problems.
And now, years later, my best friend is female. For years, we hung out, went to dinner, movies, museums, etc, and we’ve never dated each other (though we each dated other people during our friendship.)
I think that not being friends with somebody just because they’re of the opposite gender is really shortchanging yourself.

[JackB]

Just to add a guy’s perspective to this:

I’ve had relationships that moved too quickly, scared me away, and then after I backed off, I started thinking, “Hmmm… maybe I SHOULDN’T have backed away so quickly… I actually do like her….” So then I’d start making small gestures like saying, “Hey, I miss you.” It’s possible that’s what he’s going through.

Or, he could just be thinking, “Hey, she’s easy, maybe if I play my cards right, I can get some more action.”

I don’t completely agree with April that guys like a woman they can chase, and that they’re turned off by women who make the first move (no offense, April!) I, for one, admire a woman who is willing to take the initiative– there are ways for women to do that without seeming slutty or desperate (I agree with April that the slutty/desperate approach won’t lead to anything lasting.)

[JackB]

You’re just trolling to try to get a reaction from people, aren’t you? I suspected it before, but this latest post pretty much convinces me that that’s all this is. It’s an entertaining thread nonetheless, I have to admit, but I’m just not convinced it’s real.

[JackB]

Thanks for the advice.

Well, turns out, it’s all irrelevant anyway. She came into work on Saturday, and she was acting kind of strange, and her eyes looked really weird. I asked her if she was okay, and she said, “Oh, man, I smoked WAY too much pot this morning. My dealer stopped by last night and gave me a great price, so now I have, like, tons of it.”

Maybe I’m a prude, but that just turned me off completely. I had no idea about this side of her (yes, I know there are a lot worse things people could do than smoke pot, but still, the idea of her coming into work like that and having her own dealer? Like I said, maybe I’m a prude, but whatever, it was a turn off for me.)

This morning, she didn’t show up at work, and I found out she had been fired because she showed up high again on Sunday (and apparently she had done it in the past and I just didn’t know about it.) Well, I guess I’m glad I DIDN’T get into a relationship with her after all.

But anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for reading my question and taking the time to answer it.

[JackB]

Thanks for the tips!

[quote]
So try switching up your photos, changing your answers to questions and making sure you’re honest and flirtatious
[/quote]
The photos I chose are ones that have gotten positive feedback on Facebook from some of my female friends, so I figured those were safe bets (to be honest, I find it hard to judge my own photos… sometimes I’ll see one that I think makes me look good, and a female friend will tell me it isn’t good, and then I’ll see another that I think came out horribly, and she’ll tell me it’s really good. But, hey, I’m trying to attract women, so I go by what they say.)

As for being flirtatious– I always find that a bit tricky. I’ve looked at other guys’ ads in the past to see how they handle it, and a lot of times, the ones that try to be flirtatious just end up sounding a bit off-putting to me. Then again, I’m a guy, so maybe to women they sound appealing.

[quote]
Next, re-consider the women you’re trying to meet. Either change your tact, broaden your horizons or increase your outreach to increase your yield!
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I’m not really a believer in the “opposites attract” theory, so I try to stick with women whose profiles I feel I can really relate to. And I think one of my problems is that I don’t drink or smoke, and it’s really hard to find other people who don’t do at least one of those things, and also really hard to find anyone willing to date a guy who doesn’t enjoy going for drinks. Maybe you’re right, though, maybe I do need to expand my horizons a bit. I just don’t know how happy I’d be spending time with somebody who did enjoy drinking and smoking.

[quote]
Is your first e-mail overly serious? Too long?
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Definitely not overly serious… I always try to throw in some light-hearted humor.

Too long? I don’t really know what’s expected. I like to actually SAY something when I write, because I know a few years back when I first tried online dating, I got emails from some women who didn’t say much of anything. Typical responses I’d get would be: “hi can u send pic?” or “wutz up? how r u? tell me more.” And I would just ignore those emails. On rare occasions, I’d actually get a full-length email in which the person told me about herself, her interests, why she liked my ad, etc, etc, and those were the responses I really respected, so I try to do that myself when I respond to a woman’s ad. But maybe that’s a turn-off for some people in this age of texting? (I also have a bit of a pet-peeve about people who can’t punctuate and capitalize, as well as people who think “u” and “you” are interchangeable… maybe I need to loosen up on that.)

Anyway, on a positive note, after I wrote to you, one of the people I had contacted on Saturday finally wrote back to me last night, and we’ve exchanged a few emails since.

[Member]

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