[Cristian23]

Well i cheated on my gf over 4 months ago…my first gf was going through a break up and i though i would cheer her up by spending some time with her but things got a little complicated…we went to my house because i was getting cold and then she went to my room i followed her and we were still talking then my gf calls me because we were suppose to hang out that day and she just blew me off and i was going through some stress the past few weeks so i hated being in my house and now on top of that my gf had gotten me a little mad and so my first gf is in the room with me and i was being quiet and she asked me what i was thinking and i told her that i wanted to cheat on my gf but i now i shouldn’t and then a little later she sits on top of me and kisses me i didn’t respond to this and then she gets off of me and comes back into the room and lays down on the bed and when she gets back my had the impulse to have sex with her but i manages to stop and we left my house as i took her home she told me not to tell my gf any of what happened…well the next day when i was at work i thought bout it long and hard and i decided to tell her, so i called her and i told her that i was going over to her house later on…and when the time came i told her what had happended at first she forgave me, and told me that she was ready to be single cause she felt like she was too immature but that she will always love me, but then later on in the night she called me fake and said things like “i thought u were a good guy” and just hurtful things i told her i was sorry and that the girl that i did it with wasn’t worth anything compared to her and that i would do anything to have her back…well we didn’t talk for like 3 days and i called her but she didn’t answer and then she called me and told me that she was going to get back with me but since i cheated she would never do it…we talked for hours about it and it all seemed like it was going in the right direction up until we went back to school and i tried calling her but she didn’t answer and i tried talking to her in person but she forced to have one of her friends there and well i couldn’t tell her what i really wanted to say…i asked for her friendship but she said it would be harder on the both of us…since then the last contact i had with her was in valentines day when i sent her flowers and a card which by the way i don’t know if she recieved or not because that day i was working and i couldn’t send them my self….i’ve seen her around schol and when she’s not with her friends she looks miserable and mad i love this girl with all of my heart although we only dated for 2 and a half months we hung out every day and i felt like i knew her better than anyone and she told me that i did…its been 4 long and painful months filles with sorrow and hate towards my self….i don’t know what to do anymore i lofe her and i want her back but i just don’t know how to do it im scared to attempt anything…someone please help any advice is welcome and i thank you for reading this…

[April Masini]

You’ve probably blown it with your ex-girlfriend by cheating on her. That said, forgiveness is always possible, but it’s going to be on her clock, if at all. In other words, the best you can do to win her back is to elevate your character and be the best person you know how to be — not for her sake, but because it’s what you want to do. If you’ve learned your lesson that cheating hurts others and causes them to retreat, then it would make sense that you’d want to change your ways.

That said, it’s up to her to notice and to forgive you and to want to be with you again — a tall order! 😕 But not impossible! So start being your best self and with a lot of luck, she will notice and become interested in this new you.

[Cristian23]

I get exactly what you are saying…it not only hurt her but it hurt me but i was able to stop it from getting any further…it was my one and only time…i’ve done a lot of things to improve my self…not only did i change my physical appearance but i’ve changed my personality in areas where change needed to happen…i don’t really know if she has noticed this but i can say that she’s the type of girl that is very stubborn, worries too much bout what others think, and follows her friends advice a lot….should i try to make any moves like call her or try and send her a b-day gift since her b-day is coming up next month or should i stay put and let fate roll the dice?….

[April Masini]

I don’t think it will hurt if you try and pursue her — as long as you don’t stalk her. If she says no, be respectful of that decision. You may think you’ve made big changes, but the deciding factor is whether she sees the changes and if they are big enough to win her over.

[Cristian23]

I understand what you mean…do you think i should get her something for her birthday or just try and build a friendship relationship first or atleast begin talking to her?….

[April Masini]

What you want to steer clear of is any behavior or pattern that reminds her of the way you’ve always been. This is your opportunity to do things “out of the box” and differently than before to show her you’re elevating your character and trying to be a better man for her.

So while it’s fine to acknowledge her birthday, don’t do the same old same old. Do something like making a donation towards a community tree or bench — in her name. Rescue an animal — for yourself, not her! — and name it after her, then let her know that you’re going to try and take better care of your new pet that is named for her, than you did for her, and maybe one day, she’ll see the change in you because of how happy this new pet is. These are just ideas off the top of my head. See what you come up with on your own that’s different from “the old you” and works in your situation.

[Cristian23]

those are really good ideas, and i would love to do all of them…but the thing is that this is the first birthday that i would congratulate her for i didn’t know her before…so i really don’t know if it would be a good chance to try and start talking to her again….

[Anonymous]

I think u should start talking to her again as a friend I always believe in 2nd chances
So if she really loves u or cares about u give her time to come around but make sure
U speak as friends a let her know how much u miss her and care for her good luck.

[April Masini]

Don’t worry that this is the first time she’s had a birthday since you’ve known her — it’s still an occasion to celebrate, even in a small way. It’s also a great reason to contact her and wish her well. [i]And[/i] it’s a great ice breaker — you can tell her that you wanted to wish her a happy birthday so that’s why you called (or wrote). It’s not inappropriate for you to contact her to give her a birthday wish. So go ahead and give it a try. She’ll probably be in a good mood because it’s her birthday, to boot!

Hey — and check out my Facebook group page, AskApril on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=110265355684755&ref=mf[/url]. It’s free to become a member. 😀

[Cristian23]

well i called her, it was a little late in the night but i called bfore her bday was over, she didn’t pick up and as i was leaving a voice mail she called back, i was calling with a friends phone since mine got washed, and she asked who it was and i just said everything i needed to say “hey its cristian, just calling to wish u a happy bday i know its late but i was hoping that u had a wonderful day today, (there was a brief pause and she didn’t say a thing so i just said) ok well its late so ima let u go, bye”….and that was that…how should i play this off now??…i called her on the 18th, should i call her again or just let things follow their own way???

[April Masini]

It sounds like she’s not ready to take you back. I think you need to forget about her for now, and if in six months you’re still interested, you can ask her out at that time.

I know you want forgiveness, but it’s hers to give if and when she decides the time is right.

I’m sorry things aren’t going the way you want them to — I hope this helps you.

Please join me on AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=110265355684755&ref=ts[/url]. 🙂

[maelene87]

I would keep calling her because of what happened, its up to you to go after her if you want her back. I know what it feels like to be cheated on and I would never initiate getting back together with my ex when that happened. Showing just how sorry you really are is going to make all the difference so do what it takes .

[April Masini]

Calling her is great — but make sure you’re really able to show her you’ve changed your ways. The last thing she’s going to want to hear is more of the same. Remember — she was really hurt and feels betrayed and angry. Try to see things from her point of view if you can.

I hope that helps.

Join me on Facebook. I’d love to see you there. It’s FREE to become a member of AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=110265355684755&ref=mf[/url]. 🙂

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