[April Masini]

I have been happily married for 12 yrs. My wife and I get a long very well for the most part. We are like any couple that has their arguements but we always resolve them. We used to have sex every day (yes… Every day) for the first 2 to 3 years of marriage. We have two kids under 6 and they are very independent, great kids. My issue now is that we had sex 3 to 4 times a week usually. It has dropped to twice a week and sometime once per week. I do really pay attention to her needs, I love going down on her but she doesnt like it, dont know if I am not great at it. She gives me blow Jobs every other month so quite often for a married couple. Why am I still not satisfied. I am 36 and still have a lot of drive and for her it seems to be waning. What can I do to interest her in sex more often. I also want more exciting sex. We have done the massages and the toys etc but I want to really turn our sex life into something she will crave. We are both in physically good shape and attractive so we dont have body issues or issues with being self consious. Can you help me turn up the heat in the bed room?

[sawhme]

I’m no expert at this but have you tried getting her to anticipate coming home to a hot night? or maybe setting up the mood with candles, and maybe a hot bath? There could also be many reason why she might be losing her sex drive.

If you have a feeling she might not be enjoying your going down on her, and you think you’re doing something wrong, go online! There are so many tips and tricks on how to do it right that any man could follow.

[Anonymous]

I have tried a lot of things. We have a bath together, I massage her, she massages me. She really enjoys sex after we do things like this, but it takes a lot of set up time and she is not always willing to take the time. Once we get into it she really likes it, but it is getting to that point that is the problem. She says she has so many things to think about during the day and after the kids get home that she doest have time to even think about sex, so when we do have sex it takes her a while to get into it. The times she doesnt want to have sex, but then we do end up having sex, almost as a ‘ok, I will do it to make you happy’ sort of thing, she says that it does feel really good and doesnt know why she didnt feel like it. She has said that she likes sex but I think I just want it way more than she does and I find myself pursuing her often to very often. I can see how from a woman’s prespective it can get tiresome always having someone hounding you for sex. I have tried to change the way I approach her, I do many things around the house when I get home from work to make things easier and less busy for her so that she may have more time to think about sex. That doesnt work either, maybe it does a bit, maybe she gives in more often thinking that she owes it to me or something. I dont want her to have sex with me because I did a bit of work around the house. I want her to have sex with me because she is turned on. Every time we do have sex she has an orgasm so I know she enjoys it, there has been maybe a handful of times that she hasn’s orgasmed and it is when we are having quick sex in the shower or before we go out for dinner etc., and she is doing it just for me.
The issue of me going down on her and her not liking it. I have made her orgasm before just by going down on her but the issue is she gets impatient and just wants me to get inside her as fast as possible. I am bigger than average and maybe she can get into it faster with penetration rather than oral stimulation. So I like the slow foreplay and she likes to just get at it. I theknow, kind of the reverse of what we hear about guys and gals, but I really like the build up and like to drag sex out and she wants to reach orgasm quite quickly. I have the best orgasms when it takes longer to get to the point where we are both going to go at the same time. I am at a loss and I really want to turn her on before the sex starts to get her in the mood more often.

[April Masini]

What you may not realize is that women are natural multi-taskers, and with two children under the age of six, she’s got her mind going on twelve different things at once in any given moment. So, no matter what you do in the house to try and get her into the mood, she’s conscious of everything she hasn’t done and still has to do. Imagine if you lived in the same office you worked at, and ate, slept, showered, had sex and did your daily work in that office all the time. Kind of stressful, huh? 😆

My suggestion is that you get her out of the house for an overnight in a hotel as often as possible. Your children are old enough to stay with grandma for a weekend or have a babysitter come in for two nights. You can also start a babysitting pool with other friends and family members who also have kids and would love to babysit yours so you’ll babysit theirs for different weekends, which will save you a lot of babysitting dough!

My guess is that your wife will have a chance to get away from it all mentally, emotionally and physically if you go out of town (or in town) to a hotel where someone else makes the beds, brings the coffee and cleans the bathroom. She won’t worry about the kids waking up in the night, or early in the morning and needing her. She’ll have peace of mind to relax, and feel sexual with you.

Let me know if this works for you.

[Author]

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