[Evie]

I don’t know what to do. I’m not even sure if he’s still the ex anymore.

I’ve been with my boyfriend/ex for a better part of a decade. After 7 years of being together, the initial 4 years we were together, in person seeing each other every day, then we’re separated by the distance of living in two different states (him with his first job in another state and me still in college at the time) but we tried to keep the relationship going. Now the distance is even further with him in the States and me on the other side of the world (I’m in China) now that I am done with school and have to go home to my parents (since 2010). The long distance relationship worked well but then things just seem to be just bleh, though we had arguments at times. For him, he was focused on work and for me, I was trying to finish school. He proposed to me at some point during the early times of our long distance relationship and I said yes, though I never got the ring on my finger as the ring was being resized at the time (he called the shop while I was there as soon as we found out my ring size). Since then, nothing going in that direction of marrage ever happened.

Now that we’re separated by half the world, things just got worse. He’s still into his job as he said, and doesn’t want to do long distance anymore. Neither do I. I want to be with him more than anything in the world. I still love him as much as I did early in our relationship. But I haven’t heard from him since October 2010. I sent him e-mails and he asked how I could miss him since I haven’t seen him for a year (since 2009) and he asked me what I want for our future. I told him what I want and how I want to move back to the States and be with him. I told him it wasn’t me that’s stopping me from moving back, it’s my parents. My parents don’t want me to and won’t let me go until it is certain that he’s serious about marrying me (Chinese parents way of thinking I guess). I told him what I want for our future. Since I replied him, he hasn’t replied. I sent him a number of e-mails after that, both to his private e-mail and work e-mail, called long-distance to his cell phone and to his office. I tried everything I can think of. The only thing I haven’t done is contact him on the Linked In network which is the only connection I have to him now, though we have mutual friends on Facebook. Still not a single word from him.

In his last reply, he didn’t say the relationship is over. But with him not replying, does it mean it’s over? Its so ambigious. I felt like he left me hanging. Even if it’s over, I deserve to hear from him that it is don’t I? Don’t I deserve some closure at least? I’m still so in-love with him and willing to do anything it takes and sacrifice what is needed to be with him. I’m haunted by memories of the times we had together. I would go to sleep at night and dream and see him in my dream. In the dreams, we’d be the happy couple we once were sometimes the dreams would be what our future might be if things were different and we’re married and I wish I would never wake up from the dreams. When I wake up from those dreams, I would feel pain and would cry and it takes me a while to fall back asleep, or cry until I fall asleep. When I see friends post status updates about getting engaged/married, or preganant/had a child or post pictures of their happy times, or pictures of the happy couples on Facebook, I couldn’t help but to wonder how life would be like for him and I if things were different and that we’re not so far apart. Then I would get sad and want to cry.

Even as I write this now, tears are flowing down from my eyes. This is pure torture for me. There’s not a day that goes by that I wish things were different, or think that life right now is all just a dream and when I wake up, I’ll be in my bed, in my dorm room back in college in the States and that him and I are still the happy couple, or wish that there’s a time machine that I could use to go back in time, or wish that I had selective amnesia so I won’t have to go through this pain. Sometimes I feel like I’m being punished by God for things I’ve done wrong.

My parents know (well at least my mom does, not sure how much my mom told my dad) that it has been a while since he last talked to me. My mom told me if he’s meant to be mine, then he’s mine, if not, then let go. But that didn’t help with dealing with the pain. One of my guy friends from college in the States, whom had previously confessed that he loves me (I rejected him partly because all I ever seen him is was a friend and nothing more, and also because I’m still in-love with my boyfriend/ex) told me that he is willing to be a mediator and help me get us (me and my boyfriend/ex) together or at least help me get closure if the boyfriend/ex has decided to end the relationship. He said he’d do for me that because he wants to see me happy again, and not sad and going through the pain alone like I am now. He asked me if I want him to do that for me and I told him I have to think about it.

I don’t know what else I can do anymore but cry and feel the pain which is overwhelming. Every day I wish the same thing over and over. Sometimes at night I just want to sleep and never wake up. Why is he doing this to me? Not talking to me, not telling me if it’s over between us. Even if it is, I deserve to hear it from him and get closure. If it’s not over, tell me instead of leaving me hanging here not knowing what he’s thinking. He never said the relationship is over, the last time I heard from him in an e-mail. He just said that he doesn’t want to do long distance anymore and that I’d have to move to the States, which is what I’m willing to do.

I don’t know what else to do. Please help.

[April Masini]

[quote]But I haven’t heard from him since October 2010. [/quote]

You haven’t heard from this guy over 15 months. 😯 It’s over. He’s not your boyfriend any more. He’s your ex. It’s time for you to accept this and move on. I know you’re still in love with him, but he’s not in love with you. If he was, he’d contact you. He hasn’t. 😳

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1154528031[/url].

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