[mmsmith1977]

You are right, that I should be thankful for the time I do get to see my husband, but sometimes it is a little difficult. And as difficult as it is I can see that it is selfish to want to keep both relationships as though nothing happened. I know I am an adult and my actions have consequences (and as you pointed out they could have been much worse), but I am still having alot of trouble moving on from the guilt and regret. I wish more than anything that I could take it back and change what I did. I guess that sounds weak, but its the truth. I appreciate the advice, it just seems that no matter what I do or try all I feel is anxious and depressed, even though I have no one to blame for this than myself. I guess that is my issue to deal with, since I caused it. Again, I appreciate the input, and the help.

[mmsmith1977]

Thank you for the advice. I have been trying very hard with my husband, and telling him about the issues I have had lately with our relationship, and I think things are getting better. I do really and truly love and appreciate him. My only issues now are 1) how can you make a marriage work when your schedules are so different you only see each other once a week, and one of you has to travel for business around the country frequently? He has to spend a good deal of time in Phoenix and LA, leaving me alone halfway across the country and 2) I am having a very hard time letting go of my guilt and regret, for what I have done and for wrecking a friendship I valued very much. Is it even remotely possible to dismiss the emotional affair we had and the one night we spent together as a serious lapse of judgment and remain friends? We are in the same social circle and have run into each other a few times at work events and at a party. It was civil but awkward, and every time we have tried to talk afterwards he seems to be angry with me and say it makes him uncomfortable. He is also still friends with my husband, which I find odd, as well (although they do work together, and its a very small firm). I just want to be able to fix things, and have them go back to when we were all friends and my marriage was good. Is this possible? Am I selfish? My sister says I am trying to have my cake and eat it too. I dont think that is it, I accept the other relationship as being wrong, and as being over. Why would it be so difficult for us to remain friends? I just want a way to ‘detoxify’ my life and try to make sure no one gets hurt any further. I am only 33, and I want to be able to move on and have a happy life. Thank you!

[mmsmith1977]

Thank you for the response, I think that is good advice. Another question is, do you think it is necessary to confess what I have done, if I want my marriage to work? I would like to work on it but do not know if it could survive this or not.

[mmsmith1977]

I am sorry that you are having to go through this. The last thing you need while you are trying to stay healthy is to stress about this relationship. I think that if your ex is truly interested he would call you or email you himself as opposed to going through a friend. That being said, maybe you should call him or write to him and explain how you are feeling, that way the ball will be in his court. At that point, though, I think it would be very difficult to not obsess on if he was going to answer if not. I think you should go to your friends and family for support, concentrate on your health, and if your exboyfriend calls you, see how that goes. For what it is worth, you have my sympathy and prayers. I have gone through difficult and painful breakups before, and I can’t imagine how difficult your health struggles are.

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