[oogyflip]

Ahahaha I can deal with tough. I now see that this site is based around cliches of “man with six pack meets pretty airhead woman. They get together. Man has his guy friends who he goes to the pub with, woman has blonde big boobed friends she goes shopping with. Man cheats. Woman cries. Woman forgives over night because she doesn’t know any better. Man does it again. Woman forgives overnight again. They have two babies. One girl one boy. They divorce. They find new partners”. I am far from the mainstream of life. My problems are, I admit, way in the past. I just have difficulty forgiving when I did not deserve the hurt. Yes, I now have everything I could ask for from a relationship, except for this brick in my stomach I am having trouble disposing of due to the fact I have a brain, therefor a functioning mind and am able to stick up for myself and know what people should and shouldn’t be doing to me. Yes this seems hypocritical as I am with a guy who spent a long time making me feel like nothing compared to someone else. However, I was not in the same state of mind back then as I have never been in a relationship before so I was shocked and determined to fix this problem, help him through his problems and move on, as like I said everything else is perfect (as hard as that may be to come to terms with in “the real world” but yes, it is possible to have EVERYTHING you want in a partner). You make this all seem like I am in the wrong, whereas if you look a the situation because you want to understand rather than to pay the bills, you would see I have done nothing wrong and surely he deserves me bringing it up in order to fix it as he had no problem bringing it up over and over again in the first place. You say so certainly that eventually he is going to walk away from me. Unfortunately for you you have evidently never met a human willing to mend rather than walk away every time something goes wrong. If your computer freezes, do you buy a new one? Do you buy a new guitar everytime a string breaks? Do you amputate your limbs if a nail breaks? No. You fix them. He is aware that he hurt me and he feels bad about it and wants to try and fix this as much as I do. Why would He leave Me? There is no logic behind that. You tell me to stop bringing it up? You are supposed to be a number one relationship expert and you are advising me to not talk my problems through with my partner? That’s like working for a travel agency and advising people not to go on holiday…

“If you don’t want his love, carry on doing what you are doing because that will surely end things” riiiight… so he hurts me, I want to fix it, I get a little upset in the process of trying to fix it… that means I don’t want his love and he’s going to leave me? Again… breaking up is not the answer to everything. You say move on, stop bringing it up, it’s your problem, blah blah blah. Well, I did bring it up, again and again and again, and we are working through this together. In doing so I have discovered a lot of things which I did not know before which have made me feel a lot better about the situation. He explained to me he was going through a lot of trouble at that moment in his life and his way of dealing with it was making up crap as he was in denile. I have found out he was a completely different person back then, and he no longer believes anything he said before and he did not believe them at the time either, he was just in a state where he did not know how to deal with things as on top of this I was the first person who came along who he could talk to.

Since I last wrote to you we have discussed this subject about 3 times, each time progressing a bit further, helping me to forgive him and understand it meant nothing and overall be able to move on. These things take time if you have a brain ;D

You say I’m not acting like I want to be in this relationship… I stuck through a year of crap and even though he hurt me, I am making as much effort as I can to try to fix it and move on… yet that means I DON’T want to be with him? If I did not want to be with him, do you really think I would have gone through this?

So shock horror, people can resolve problems in relationships by talking them over, despite what the books told you when you were studying psycology or whatever you had to pass for the rights to give people “advise”.

Don’t take this as me not being abe to deal with “tough” as constructive critisism is what helps the world go round. What I can’t deal with is people sticking to a mainstream system of fashion, footballer men, girly women and perfect cliche lives of dead end jobs.

Try advising people on how to fix and overcome their problems, rather than telling everyone to just throw a blanket over them and pretend everything is fine.

[oogyflip]

Thanks for your reply, and I know that you are totally right, but it’s extremely difficult to get over, especially when his sister and his mum quite obviously prefer her to me, even though she cheated on him. This is my first real relationship and I always pictured it to be- I’d find someone, they’d find me, we’d be equally over the moon to have found each other, we’d build the relationship, we’d fall in love, etc etc. I am one to find it UNBELIEVABLY difficult to come to terms with people hurting other people without a solid reason, as my whole life I have always taken so much care not to hurt anyone. I just find it so hard, when anyone does anything to hurt me without me deserving it to get over it. Especially this situation, as he’s supposed to be the person who makes me happy, the person I don’t have to worry about anything with, the person I can trust. Even though I said I wouldn’t, I brought it up with him again, and this time he finally seemed to be on my side, rather than defending himself and her in the situation. He confessed that he truly believe I am his first love, which made things a lot easier and he explained he feels he was a different person back then. I kept asking him why he carried on for so long even though he knew how much it was hurting him and he said he truly doesn’t know. When I think about it, I think the reason I can’t let go properly is because he has never appologised. We just get into these long talks about it which never include any form of appology. I just desperately want to get it out of my head, the sooner the better. My only fear is never being able to let go. I think it will be a lot easier once we are able to live on our own without his mum and sister around as everytime I look at either of them, I think about the whole thing and I just know, because of the sort of people they are, that they talk about me to her and probably say things like “she’s nice and all, but not as nice as you” (even though she cheated on their own brother/ son… 6 billion people in the world and this is who they choose to hang around with? I find it sickening). I used to be a very strong minded person, but now I just cry whenever I get upset, because my trail of thoughts leads me back to the past. I know he is over her, and I know he loves me, I just find it so hard to let go when people hurt me. Sorry for babbling on, and thankyou for your response.

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