[relationshipa1]

Alright, I have a question that I need a girl’s perspective on, because this is an area I’ve noticed where guys and girls seem to differ a lot. And since you don’t know me, I hope I can trust you to be as brutally honest as possible.

After a couple good relationship and even more horrid ones, I realized something early on, that I could save myself a lot of headaches if I dated women I knew I could really get along with (or so I thought). So I decided that an important criteria of mine in searching out a mate was to become good friends with her first, or at least be on the right track. Many of you can see where this is headed… So eventually I reach the point where I decide this girl is really great, I like her a lot, we have a lot of fun together, I’m going to make a move. And then she hits me with it. “I’m sorry, I just don’t think of you that way. You’re just too good of a friend.” Or even worse, “You’re like a brother to me” (dating death sentence). We’ve all heard of it if not experienced it, the “friend zone”, you know, that special mental category where a girl puts the “friendly guy” in so that she feels emotionally protected enough to open up to him (or so I’ve heard). Hell, Hollywood even made a movie about it (except in that one the guy gets the girl)!

This is where I think guys and girls differ. For me personally I have no problem with having female friends. Usually it has nothing to do with them not being datable, just that there’s something that would make dating them difficult, ie they live a ways away, we work together, their attached elsewhere, ect… But we still get along great, so of course I’m going to want to keep their friendship. But it doesn’t in anyway make them unavailable in my mind if circumstances change later on.

While I know it’s pathetic to repeat the same behavior and keep getting rejected, I’ve still had a very hard time breaking this habit. I still can’t wrap my mind around the idea that getting along with someone makes them less datable.

Ok, this is where I need the girls’ opinion, and please as I said, be as honest as possible.

Does the friend zone actually exist? Or is that just the nice girl’s way of saying there is nothing about you that I’m physically attracted to? It’s insane to me that a girl would not want to date a guy she’s attracted to because they’re already friends, but I’m not a girl. As I’ve said, I’ve tried the friends to dating approach many times and been rejected all but once, so is the friend zone that serious, or is it likely I’m just that unattractive/ undateable? I honestly don’t mean to play my own violin here, but before I consider changing any habits, I want this question answered once and for all. Obviously you don’t know what I look like, but generally, does being friends first really exclude any possible romantic involvement in a woman’s mind?

[wacki 0335]

If they have been my friend for a long time the transition from friends to boyfriend would be weird, but it does happen sometimes. If I just meet them and I put them in the friend category it is because I don’t see a relationship with them, but like them as a person. Otherwise, I would just stop seeing them altogether.

To answer the question ” does the friend zone exist?” I would have to say from my personal experience I have used it because it was true and I have used it to not hurt a friends feelings because I was not physically attracted to them but enjoyed their company. I am sorry. I know that doesn’t really help you to distinguish between the two.

[April Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

[Author]

Posts