emotional affair?

[relationshipa1]

I recently found out that my husband’s girlfriend from his teen years has been in contact with him again. He was her first lover, they went to the Prom together, etc. They thought they’d end up marrying, but his family did not approve of her and they parted ways. It always seemed like unfinished business to me. She moved to another state, and they lost touch. She apparently had several relationships over the years – none of them successful, some were abusive. She’s now contacted him again and is pouring out her heart and soul to him on a regular basis. I found out and let him know I wasn’t happy. I don’t think she should be asking him for advice and help. He told her, and she said she’d stop calling. It hasn’t stopped. She calls home, his cell phone, and she emails him. She also contacts him on facebook. Our family cell phone plan went over on minutes in August – we had used 660-some minutes, and no one could figure out why. We had to increase our family plan (it cost me money). I printed out a detailed bill today and found 544 minutes back/forth to her number in the other state. He insists they are just friends, and he is helping her through a rough patch. I can’t help feel that I’m being made a fool of. He says I am wrong, and that he’s with me, and he doesn’t want to be with her. He gets angry and tells me he doesn’t have that many friends – she’s just a friend. He doesn’t want to lose contact with her. Help! Am I wrong to be angry? How do I deal with this? We have been married 20 years. We’ve had some rough patches, but this I don’t know how to handle. He thinks I don’t trust him.

[benjamin]

i’d say your in the right to be angry, i’d say shes obsessed with him, that’s why shes calling all the time ectt……. friends dont call all them times, if you really feel that weird about it all, you should ask him to loose contact with her fully, ask him to do it for you, your his wife, and if there’s nothing going on with him and his ex, hee wouldnt have any problem with cutting her off, would he? well i don’t blame you for not trusting him, he really needs to look at it from you point of veiw for example, what if it was one of your ex’s ringing you all the time ect… i’m pritty sure he would react how your reacting now, jelousy, finding it hard to trust ectt…… so i think he’s being unfair on you here, he needs to think more of you, for example, he needs to think shes my wife, and if she doesnt want me talking to this woman, then i wont ect…… or maybe, you should ring her yourself, and ask straight up, whys she calling YOUR husband, and what she wants ect…. becuase from how this sounds, it sounds like she still loves him, and wants him back.

hope you find this usefull

[April Masini]

If he’s only talking to his old high school girlfriend every now and then, I don’t think it’s a big deal, but if, as you say, he’s talking so much on his cell phone you have to change your billing plan to accommodate all those minutes, and she’s calling him at home, on his cell, e-mailing and Facebooking him, I think you have a problem.

Tell your husband that his reuniting with his old girlfriend, and their communications, as you’ve described them above, are threatening your marriage. Tell him that you’d like him to stop talking to her on the phone and by e-mail. If he wants to get together with her, with you along, also — for lunch one day, you’d understand that kind of friendship. But this is not okay. Tell him that you hope that you and your marriage are a priority for him.

Hopefully, your feelings and your marriage will mean enough to him to put an end to this relationship he’s having with his old, ex-girlfriend.

Good luck!

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